Learning to live&accept our illness

[Mares73]

Hi all I haven't posted for a while & I'm sorry for all the people I want to wrote to & offer support. I was doing that daily before I hit a brick wall. I saw my Pyschiatrist a few days ago & asked her how she believed I could get back a sense of self and also get some Selfesteem. She replied that it doesn't just happen ie I won't wakeup one day and its gone. She said its about trying to make small changes in our lives each day and this resulting in us having more confidence etc. she said to write a list of 10 things that I could do over time (even if its just opening the mail) and over time I will see & feel different things about ourselves.   

But the biggest challenge was to accept what pain & suffering we have endured, accept it will always be a part of our lives but we can't do anything about it now so we decide to lock it away and move on to the challenges we currently face. Yes it's very hard & painful to do but hasn't it taken enough of our life? When we hit rock bottom as I did a few weeks ago I realised I couldn't continue to ask why things from the past had happened etc. I needed to deal with the effects of the past on me & then step forward & look at our lives now & deal with the triggers keeping us in the dark. If our lives have been a course of constant trauma  as mine was, then it will take time to heal & to face the damage left behind. But it's our only chance of trying for a better life. I know on "down" days I don't even believe all this myself. It's an ongoing process. And unfortunately in order to heal we need to confront our pasts & decide what to do about them-because all they can do now is continue to haunt us. 

I desperately need some Selfesteem & confidence. So whilst the Drs say I'm too fragile for therapy I have been reading, looking into volunteer work etc. I know I can't live like this anymore, it's dragging me so far down. I need hope above all else & that's what I'm now looking for. Just not sure where hope comes from? I feel like a child learning all the basics again & that's kinds ironic given Pyschs say the first three years of our lives set the foundation for our future in terms of validation, comfort & reassurance. I'd like to hear & learn from others. Lve Mares ps-a big thankyou to Geoff & Neil xxx

[Guest_3712]

Hi Mares,

Sorry I replied to your post to me before I saw this one, so hope I don't sound too confused.

Firstly As you would know I strongly relate to you and your story. My psych also tells me we can't change the past and what happened but we can change how we look at it and how we handle it.

You my friend are already well on the way because you are confronting your issues despite how painful they are and how sometimes they knock you down, you keep getting up.

And from what I remember you unlike me, are not relying on substances to get you through. Yes I know you are on meds but you control them not the other way around( again unlike me)

So here is your first dose of self esteem and confidence.

You are the strong one- right now ! I know you don't believe it, and when we hear our psych's tell us this we tend to, not believe them thinking they have to say this to make us feel better- Right!

Well I want you to feel better too , and as a fellow sufferer you know I get it and you know I am telling you the truth.

Your second dose is this- you are a very caring, compassionate and intelligent woman who I know one day will use these experiences to help others in a very positive way, just like you do on BB.

Mares it is time for you to move on and leave the past where it belongs- in the past

Be kind to yourself

Stressless

[Jo3]

Hi Mares

Stressless has given you some great advice.

You know Mares, my friend as much as the past is painful and I know we need to learn to let go now of the past and move on.  We need to live now for the future and not in the past,  You have been hurt far too much in the past and you deserve to live life to the fullest, happy and healthy and not in the past.

I understand and agree that it is very painful, believe me I am still struggling to let go of the past but I know with the help of my psych and doing DBT therapy I will get there too.

Acceptance is very hard, I'm still learning this because I struggle with acceptance, self esteem, confidence and even self worth.

Mares, you have a family who love you so much, and it's great to see that you have been improving by doing little things daily - that is the right step in the right direction - fantastic!!

Mares, I congratulate you on taking steps to improving your life; finding positive steps to change your life to a more happy, healthy and fulfilling life.

Looking forward to hearing how you go,

Take care

Jo xxxx

ps. I read in another post that you are going to Newcastle for a break on your own - I think that is a fantastic idea; only wish I could do that.  I hope you get to do something nice for yourself even if it's something small.