A little while back, about 5 weeks I guess, I had a complete break down at work. In a large part it was my own fault because I'd felt something was not right for many many months, but typical of the Aussie male, I was certain I could deal with it. I cannot stress enough just how serious a mistake this line of thought can be. I've been taking the same dose of Anti-Deps for so long, I just figured they'd always work. This is not how it works. The weeks leading up the breakdown (not the first time it's happened I might add) I'd known things were getting bad, but as I said above, I was sure I could handle it. My memory was going south, my weight was dropping rapidly for no reason and though I pretended otherwise, I was drinking way too much. My work was suffering (I'm mid-senior level management in a fairly high stress position), I was forgetting to do things both at home and at work, or worse I was doing things that made no sense and that I simply didn't remember doing. But I'm an Aussie male, I can handle things myself, right? WRONG! And this line of thought nearly had me take the most extreme form of "escape". I was and am lucky my best friend is in a similar position and he could see things were not right. When the break down at work happened, I knew I had to do something and my mate basically threatened me with physical violence if didn't. I took steps. I saw my Doctor and realised after the first of several visits over 3 or 4 weeks, that one cannot simply assume there will be improvement without some help.
I guess in many ways I was lucky. I didn't take that final step. Instead I took the advice of friends and the Drs, an increase in the dose and a few weeks away from the stress of work, and I am in a completely different world.
The point of this is simple. Whilst it may not be the case, and I'm sure it isn't, for everyone for me it was a case of vigilance or the lack thereof. Despite a number of unfortunate occurrences in my personal life, I should have paid more attention to what was happening and realised it was the disease (and believe me, thats what it is) and nothing I was really responsible for.
I don't and won't pretend I'm cured. I know that's not the case, but I do know that if that mongrel black dog comes barking at my heals again, I'll recognise him for what he is and I'll kick his backside because I know can.
I'm back on the horse and I'm staying in the saddle this time.
