I hate myself and feel shameful and disgusted with myself

[Jono2197]

I had a crush on a celebrity and I took some pictures of her face and body and used an ai generator to generate some fake photos of her in a bikini with her face because I was curious what she would look like if she had larger body parts in certain areas and what she would look like in a bikini  but I hate myself and feel so shameful and disgusted with myself that I did it.

I can't stop thinking about it and the fact that she probably hates me now and would want nothing to do with me now and I'm feeling really shameful and hating myself over it.

 

[Croix]

Dear Jono2197~

Welcome here to the Forum, it's good to meet you. 

The number of people that that fantasize about celebrities is enormous, and the  number of people interested in sex is amazing. If you are one who has difficulties talking to the other sex or being shy fantasies can assume more importance.

AI is just a recent tool that makes combining the two easier.

A celebrity is in all probability someone you will never meet, so thinking they will hate you - when they do not even know you exist -  is not very realistic.

So don't worry too much that you did that , you are not alone. When I was a teenager I fantasied about a TV star called Honor Blackman - someone you would never have heard of it was such a long time ago.

The problem comes if you train yourself to regard a particular look and body type as being the  standard, then in real life you may feel real people do not conform to this, and  your may think less -or discard - them as a result, eventually becoming unhappy and maybe alone.

If you ever AI someone you know and they found out thay would feel belittled and terrible on two counts, firstly they may feel inadequate and lose thier self esteem, and secondly they would think you did not see the real them.

Then they most likely would dislike you , and trying make them feel better and to get back in favor would be very hard.

Real people have all the characteristics pictures do not, they can be fun, have their own likes, dislikes and interest, abilities and humor. They can be hurt.

Some may like you. See and like them for what thay are, not as people to be compared with a fantasy.

Even if you find that hard to start of with it quickly gets easier, and comparisons fall away.

You are always going to be welcome here if ever you want to talk.

Croix

[Jono2197]

I know it's probably a dumb question but it matters to me, you don't think she would ever forgive me do you?

[Croix]

Dear Jono2197~

You ask a hard question, the answer also depends if it is about someone you know you had in the AI or a celebrity.

Frankly with any celebrity they receive so much mail and posts that they would not give more than a passing thought to your effort, and forgiveness does not come into it because they would never know you.

If you are talking abut someone you know it is a different matter. I can't say if you  would be forgiven or not, it depends so much on their basic nature and also on how deeply they may have been hurt.

All I can suggest if it is someone you know that you try to talk with them. In my previos post I listed some of the things that might hurt, so you might like to bear these in mind and try to reify the situation.

All may not be lost, I can't say. I can wish you luck

Croix