I don't remember ne before blue

[Ohdear]

Hey guys im new here, i came looking for somewhere to chat to like minded people because sometimes i feel like the people around me have heard enough or have enough on in their own lives. I do have a psychologist but hes new and i really miss the old one so we will see how that goes.

A family member of mine tells me all the time how depressed i am and how ive changed and i try to look back at the person they remember and i wonder how did i get here and how do i get back there.

I was 20 the last time i remember being carefree and happy, thats about 7 years ago now... 7 years wasted being anxious and scared feeling like the world will fall from under my feet any second, 7 years hating myself and being insecure about my weight but not sticking to making a change.

I just want to wake up and choose to be happy i want to love me for me and embrace life and everything it has to offer, i don't want the running real of negative thoughts and fears in my head any more or the tight anxious feeling in my chest. But i dont want meds either.

I tell myself that if i got my weight under control id be more confident and happy and the rest would follow, i place so much importance on appearance but only my own.... Ill accept you however you are, but myself the fact that im overweight over rules any other possible positive quality i possess.

These feelings are taking a toll on a lot of the relationships in my life, i can tell my sister has had enough of me. I feel bad for my BF because i was at a good place when we met and ive just back spiralled so far and now he has to deal with all my jealousy and insecurity (damage done and i dont know if i can ever fix it).

Then theres work, i wanna be confident and happy and make a difference and be someone people can come to when theyre having a tough time..... But all that seems to come out of my mouth is negativity.

The real cake topper is just being exhausted all the time, i have so much trouble believing that this level of tired can come from being overweight and depressed but that is the conclusion drawn by most GP's.

So i wanna change, i want to get positive and start looking after myself and living life. So if anyone has pointers on breaking the loop of negative thoughts or activities to rationalise the irrational catastrophic thoughts. Tips on how to get past the feelings of exhaustion.

Im definitly not here for pitty, i just want to get better.

thank you.

[smallwolf]

Hi Ohdear,

welcome to beyond blue.

I guess the good thing is there are a number of people here who understand what you are going through - might not be exactly the same but we mostly have a lived experience.

I think that changing psychologists can be difficult - you get used to one like a friend (even if you pay), and can continue from where you left off, and then you change and have to form a new relationship. That would really suck.

I started without meds, and but then something happened and after a visit to the GP was put on medication. I don't regret it now. In that respect I leave it to the experts.

So what can you do. Here are some ideas...

1. all my of support (psychs and GP) suggested walking. It is a good way of dealing with negative thoughts, At least that worked for me.
2. My psychologist suggested I read "The happiness trap". That is a text I would recommend to anyone to have a look at.
3. There is also a tool (app) called MoodTools that help you challenge your negative thoughts.
4. In relation to any of these ideas, it will take time so be patient and kind to yourself. You are doing the best that you can.

Anyway, I don't want to bog you down with too much information in the first post, except to also say that I am listening, and if you have any questions or want to chat, just let me know.

Peace to you,

Tim

[Ohdear]

Thank you Tim i will definitly look into that book,ive just taken up reading again and its a welcome distraction.

Ive always enjoyed a walk to clear my head and should make more of an effort to do that when i get myself in a rutt.

yes my old psycholigist was very much like a friend and im very greatful for everything he helped me through 🙂

thank you for your reply Tim

[smallwolf]

Hi Ohdear,

Glad to hear my post was of some use. If you want to chat again.... just reply and it will pop up on my list. All the best to you.

Tim