How do you manage? Staying well questions

[sumynona423]

Have reached a bit of a rough spot in my life. Wanting any advice/tips/methods on the following topics, hopefully others can relate to these same issues as well.

How do you distract yourself? Do you read? Play an instrument? Draw?Write?

How do you resist temptations? 

How do you mange your anger?

How do you calm yourself down from panic or stress?

How do you boost your self esteem?

How do you get off to sleep? (preferably without medication)

What are your triggers and how do you cope with them?

How do you keep in touch with others?

If you can answer any of these it would be greatly appreciated.

[JessF]

Goodness, that is a lot of questions! You could probably have a thread on each of them.

I'll just touch on a few...

ANGER: It's an oldie but a goodie, but counting to ten does actually work. Step back, acknowledge that you are angry, and wait. Reacting, making decisions, when angry is rarely a good idea. You're likely to escalate a situation or do something that you'll regret later. You'll often read people saying that a good way to let out anger is to punch a pillow or similar, but there have been studies done that show this actually has the opposite effect. Better to channel it through exercise, which leads to...

 EXERCISE: This is a great way to relieve stress, and you'll find that if you do it regularly it will actually help you sleep better as well.

SLEEP: Silence has never worked for me, my mind wanders. I usually have some kind of white noise going in the background, like a fan, and I like to listen to music or podcasts so I have a voice to listen to. It gives me something to concentrate on which tires my mind and helps me get off to sleep.

[Narniakid]

Distractions: drawing, reading, writing, colouring in, cleaning, binge-watching a television series, painting my nails, sewing, cooking.. There are lots of fun and constructive activities you can do if you find yourself slipping into a sad day. I find that I feel much better about myself if I feel like I have achieved something or created something, which is why a lot of us tend to lean towards creative outlets.

Boost your self esteem: I have post it notes with little encouragements like "you ARE good enough" stuck all over the house to constantly remind me that I am strong enough to do anything I want to. I also keep a mood board in my room full of photos of places I'd like to go one day and funny pictures that make me laugh - just little things that remind me what I'm working hard for. 

Resisting temptation: I find I can resist temptation better if I give myself an alternative - I reward myself for resisting. For example, I am about to cross 365 days clean of self harming, and I have booked a tattoo in of the word "fearless" on my hand; a permanent reminder of how strong I am, and a reward for getting through so much. It might be a crap example, but I hope you get the point.

[kittymojo]

Firstly I know your post was form a while back, so I hope things are better for you now. I still wanted to replay as these kinds of questions might be useful for others now.

How do I distract myself? His one depends on the day and the issue and my energy levels but all of the following are regulars: TV, reading, audiobooks, podcasts, music, crafts, gardening, pets, friends, learning new stuff, working out, walking, tooling about online, writing things out, coding.  

How do I resist temptations? Hmmm I don’t do a lot of resisting – I am pretty ok with the things I find ‘tempting’ being in my life at least in moderation.  It is always good to keep in my what I REALLY want vs what I want RIGHT NOW. Sometimes I choose immediate gratification, other times I decide that my longer term goal is worth a little compromise in the here and now.  

How do I manage my anger? I tend to find that things that make me angry fall into one of two categories: Things I can do SOMETHING about, or things I can do NOTHING about. If there is something I can do I use my anger to help me take constructive action, if there is nothing I can do I will then try to avoid the trigger and let it go.  

How do I calm myself down? Breathing. Damn it is SUCH a cliché, but it really does work. Get a metronome and breath in for 6 beats, out for 6 beats. Experiment with different length, and with pauses till you find what works best for you. Progressive muscle relaxation. Exercise. I write things out, usually with a CBT or NLP type of approach.  

How do I boost my self esteem? First and foremost I make sure if I am going to go around comparing myself to something I compare myself to MYSELF, and not others. The best way is current self to ideal self by SAMENESS (eg what do me now, and my ideal self have in common) or current self to past worst self by difference (eg how have I improved?). Comparing myself to others, or to an ideal and only paying attention to the ways in which I fall short is a recipe for misery.

I also have learned what things make me feel proud or accomplished and I make sure I do a lot of of those things. I also know which things make me feel particularly lazy/bad/worthless, so I try to minimise those things. Eg Doing a work out makes me feel great and feel great about myself. Having a grotty floor makes me feel lazy and gross, so I try to keep the floors clean.

[thisaquarian]

Hi sumynona423... I hope that things are better for you now and that you have found some techniques which work for you and help you through things...

Here's my answers:

How do you distract yourself? I love creating things... at the moment I am trying to find hobbies - I've never really had hobbies. On my list are: Learning to Crochet, Make a mini terrarium, Join/find/create craft group and Plan a herb garden.  Also talking on the phone or in person to a good friend helps.  Going for a walk somewhere pretty, or doing some sort of self care thing - giving myself a pedicure or manicure for example.

How do you resist temptations? Well I am still learning this... but focussing on distractions is one way.  Referring to my lists.  I'm a lover of lists... A list of 3 things you are grateful for. A list of things you want to try/make/do. 

How do you mange your anger? I don't get angry a lot but when I do, I go off by myself somewhere, and write about it, and cry (lets off some pressure)... and then I do something nice for myself like have a bath or read a lovely book...

How do you calm yourself down from panic or stress? I am remembering the last time this happened at work.  I was a bit snippy to others around me and I recognised this so I went for a walk to a coffee shop and then sat down and had a coffee.  I don't always have the ability to leave the office, but the key is that I took time out and had a coffee/hot drink, and was kind to myself.

How do you boost your self esteem? I am still working on this... so I turn to my friends and tell them that I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps and they always boost me up, telling me that I am a kind and loving friend.... or something like that.

How do you get off to sleep? (preferably without medication) Even tho just about everything I've read tells me to not have screens near my bed, I find just flicking through my phone on facebook or something like that really helps me settle.  Or I read (again on my ipad or my phone).

What are your triggers and how do you cope with them? I'm only just learning what my triggers are and sometimes they are hard to recognise.  Any sort of violence (fighting, shouting etc) really shakes me.  I start trembling and breathing heavy etc... so I say mantras to myself "I am safe, and in control" whilst breathing deeply.  Sometimes I've taken myself off to the loo at work or in a social setting to do this...

How do you keep in touch with others? Being Gen Y (just!) I love social media. I also use text message, and phone calls.... but also I love to organise get togethers of friends/family.  And now, beyondblue forums! 🙂