How do you cope with the uncertainty and unpredictability of life?

[smallwolf]

Got some homework from my psych (as usual) relating to needing or craving certainty. I found some additional material on the web which included a worksheet. One of the questions on the worksheet included this...

Talk to the people you know. Ask how they cope with the uncertainty and unpredictability of life? Could you do the same thing they in situations where you have difficulty tolerating uncertainty?

So I am opening this question to the people here at BB. This is one thing I do not have an answer to. I am hoping that others might be able to give some feedback so that I might be able to deal with uncertainty better. And maybe others will benefit from it? Over to you....

[daines77]

hi Smallwolf this is an excellent question. I think in my life during the periods of darkness, the element of uncertainty has been certainly a challenging one. I'd like to share my personal experience with you and acknowledge that this may not be true for everyone and also that this is not the only answer.

For me, finding a sense of a deeper purpose for my life, and a connection to that purpose became really important. So at times when the 'day to day' is feeling either unclear or the short path in front of me looks hazy, I can ask myself "do I still feel like I'm on the path that gives my life a sense of purpose?" That deeper purpose can be anything. For some it's about genuine relationships and connection; for some its about making a difference in the world; for others its a life of joy and happiness; for some its working hard and providing for their family and for others it can be a spiritual path.

Take jobs for example, sometimes a job can seem on certain days like it's challenging or unrewarding, or even overwhelming. In those moments I stop and ask myself do I still feel like I'm on the right path for me? If the answer is yes then I either chalk that day or that experience up to something I don't yet understand.

If the answer is no then I will seek to have conversations with people around me about how to chose my next step / move. I will talk to those who know me well and how can speak to me honestly and with compassion.

I think in short, in moments of uncertainty there are often others who see our path in front of us more clearly than we see it for ourselves.

I hope this has helped in some way?

[KitKat92]

Hi there.

Homework from psychology visits is so important so well done to you for reaching out to the community to help you find some techniques.

Uncertainty is difficult for those of us with anxiety but it is a normal part of life. When I struggled, I googled a few options to help me cope. These are my top ones:

1. Breathing exercises when faced with an unexpected event - I take in a deep breath, hold for 2 counts, exhale and repeat 10 times

2. Journalling about times that were particularly out of my control at times helps me reflect on what went wrong as well as what went right and then brainstorming what I could do better next time (sometimes helps to chat with someone for those solutions) and remember to celebrate the small victories!

3. Use a daily affirmation to remind yourself that not everything is within your control but that is okay. If the rest of the world can live with uncertainty, so can you. (It's a tough one, but saying it to yourself daily in empowering)

[My_cats_called_Tigger]

It's a great question and one I know I struggled with as I am a very decisive person very much used to being in control of my life choices.

When I was diagnosed, the GP I started working with has a masters in mental health, my psych was her masters lecturer hence both of them know about as much as anyone about this area.

Several months after going to see her about the mental health condition, I had to go see her about something far more prosaic. The difference was phenomenal - "we do this, and this, and this". She exuded confidence from every pore. I remember looking at her thinking "you don't know what to do with the "other thing", do you".

Remembering this is someone who knows as much as the human race knows about mental health, that was when I started the journey of discovery in how to deal with it, accepting it was going to be one where the pathways were not well defined. That started building my own resilience to uncertainty. One of the side effects now is my tolerance for uncertainty is substantially higher than when I started. Given what's going on in the world right now that's actually very handy.

How did I do it? All of the advice on breathing and coming back into the present moment is hard to articulate however that was a big part of it. Breathe, remind myself in this moment I am fine, I'm not under threat in any way (regardless what my brain's telling me) and to allow the feeling to move through me, then choose what to do (which could be absolutely nothing).

I have a meditation practice in the morning (that now includes exercise), I keep away from the devices before around 8am, they are no where near my bedroom, if I have to use the alarm I put it in the next room so I have to get up to turn it off.

There's a long list of other things people do and this one really is unique to the individual. However, the common thread does seem to be coming back to the present moment and focusing on the fact that right now, everything's fine. It makes it a lot easier to sit in the tension of not knowing what's coming next.

[PamelaR]

Hello all

Great thread Tim! Some thoughts for managing uncertainty. Have people out there heard of the -

Circles of control, influence and concern? Focus on what you can control, and don’t waste energy on the things you cannot. I found when I was working that once I understood this concept, it made the world of difference to my relationship with people I worked with. Especially those who I had no control over and caused ongoing angst.

Try imagining the best possible scenario? Helps to feel calmer and clearer, helps decision-making and boost odds of success. I have spent a lot of my life thinking about what could go wrong! However, research shows, we tend to overestimate the risks and negative consequences that may result from a situation. Ahahah, no wonder I suffer from anxiety! Set myself up for failure continually. Beginning something by worrying about the outcome can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Uncertainty isn’t new. The concept of ‘hindsight bias’ says we tend to create the illusion that everything in our past was certain, when in reality, it was once uncertain.

The fact that you stand here now is proof that you are strong enough to make it through. Take time to think and reflect on what helped you before. Write it down - and then read it when your worrisome thoughts start to take hold.

A little uncertainty is good. ( 😊) It activates the fight or flight response that jolts our energy and mobilises us to take action. When we’re too anxious, it can paralyse us. This used to happen to me all the time!! But I found that while reality with uncertainty is hard, there are consequences for not facing it head on.

See the possibilities in all situations. A blank slate ahead means nothing is written yet. Think about the possibilities and remember why you are making the shift. Be proud of yourself - no matter how things turn out. You’ve done something.

Throughout my working life I had to deal with situations I had no control over, had to work with people who made my life difficult, that working in government there was never any certainity! The above strategies where learnt from courses I attended over time.

Hope some of this may help others out there too.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Maximuss]

We have found that uncertainty often comes at an inconvenient time. But, we have learned to lessen the affect it has on us by preparing for it. We try to do the important necessities in advance, like grocery shopping or paying bills or making appointments, etc... This way, when things are just too hard to deal with, we can let them slide for a while because we have built-in some slack. I know this sounds like some textbook theory but it can be quite simple, and really reduces the strain.

[smallwolf]

Thank you everyone who has responded so far. The responses have been beneficial to me. In fact, there is something for me to take from (literally) every post that I can use. And I have a psych appointment this Thu and will be able to try out some of these ideas between now and then. In the next days I will try to respond to each reply individually, but if not, a really big THANK YOU.

Tim

[smallwolf]

daines77,

what you have said is similar to something that pops up on my phone. It is a question of whether we are moving closer to or away from our values. Maybe my uncertainty is the the unknown in taking that leap closer towards my values. And I did have a conversation with someone today about that feeling of being stuck.

Take your comments in line with the others and I have something to work with.

Thanks again,

Tim

[smallwolf]

KitKat92,

My fav. chocolate.

I use breathing and writing for anxiety and depression but not necessarily for uncertainty. Well, I probably do, but unconsciously! Your prompts have put this into perspective. I also found an app that I can put my worries into and forget about them until some preset time in the day. It works sometimes. Thanks,

Tim

[smallwolf]

My cats called Tigger,

This part rings true for me...

remind myself in this moment I am fine, I'm not under threat in any way

I will that into my precious journal on my phone - these becomes constant reminders! Thank you!

Tim

PS. Pamela and the rest... will reply to you tomorrow.