How do I know if I'm faking a personality disorder?

[Sherpp]

Hai, I'm 16, this is kind of a long vent I guess n some of this probably won't make any sense, and I have no idea if this fits the like forum website guidelines or not either so if ur confused I can probably clarify, and ive tried my best to be as honest and considerate about possible alternatives 

Usually I'd try to be honest, and I know the things I can do and the way I act can seem outlandish or distressing, but people label me as solely doing or feeling all of those things for some kind of shock purpose? I mean I know I can be cruel sometimes, like since I was basically 7 I used to immediately want to hurt whoever hurt my feelings soo my mum basically just got me tested for whatever neurodivergent stuff she could, and I have ADHD and like a really low thing of autism that barely even counts, and I guess you could argue most of my violent impulse control was just my ADHD or something, but as I kind of got older it felt like I was kind of getting meaner, like I had a dog my aunt had n I used to pull her ears or choke and squeeze her until I heard her screaming... and now that I'm a little older I've had a few run in withs police and been admitted to hospital for mental crisis shit, like I smashed a car window by accident and it cut my arm all up. and besides all of that total psychopath textbook definition stuff I've had like a lot of trouble with work commitments and at school, I got suspended several times at the same school for 'bullying and threatening staff and other students' among just being late to class or skipping n minor uniform infractions, one point they just told me they couldn't have me for the rest of the year unless I had ADHD medication and opted to have me held back... 

Anyway during this time my aunts dog, the same one I basically tortured had died and my mother had a heart attack so I was moved to a group home until she was physically fit enough to care for me again... anyway the group home I stayed at wasn't really that bad I guess, besides the kid who threatened who stab me to death after I smashed up his tv and started beating him up after he tried to push me over; it was actually just really standard. Even though I ran away in the middle of the night and walked like half way to the other side of the city 3 times, and at one point I just stood on a ledge and said I'd kill myself on a helpline n they called police to drag me down. Actually I ran away when I was living with my mother a lot too, whenever her boyfriend was kinda mean to me I guess, I mean at one point I came up with a story and said that he was abusive and hit me and my brother' I mean he did ACTUALLY hit my brother but honestly I can tell within myself he really wasn't that bad to me..? Or I guess he was that bad to me... so court believed me and had me also moved out of my mothers house, on top of the heart attack shit actually it was like a huge comorbid excuse to disown me...

anyway I said he was hitting me and stuff to my counsellor and they took it seriously and my mum was all upset at me driving to court n I had to present there with my brother, who honestly might be more insane than me I guess bcus he used to try and hit my mum and stab us n he stole stuff and took drugs and was always crying over his friend trying to kill themself. He said I tried to drown him in our pool lots growing up though, I cant deny or agree bcus I dont remember. And besides all of that traumatic shit, like my dad also divorcing my mother and having a HUGE custody battle over me and my brother trying to say I was kidnapped n trying to basically deport me I had a weird amount of internet access, like I think I was honestly molested or groomed online but I don't rlly care, like I found communities and met real people and I saw a scary amount of like real car accidents and people being shot to death.

Anyway just now that I think about it, how I process it all, even though maybe at one point I was faking a personality disorder or something I GENUINELY think I might have one now, not like It's really distressing to think about or anything, I mean it would b kinda cool to have it like a funny sitcom personality trait, but because Ive been bragging about thinking I have one any actual counsellor I've met already dismisses any kinda conversation I bring up relating it bcus I've "tried to hard to fake one..." like I feel like the more I unravel and learn about myself, and how I just process my own life, other peoples feelings their humanity and everything... I feel like I genuinely maybe do actually have something there... and I also really don't wanna stab someone and go to jail,  

[Croix]

Dear Sherpp~

Welcome to the Support Forum. Like many people, including myself at 16, it is a struggle too know that's what, what fits int a label, and what is more ordinary.

Rather than worry about if you are faking anything have a look at all hte things life has thrown at you. You're hit back at those that hurt you, you may in fact have been cruel, you get angry and are afraid it will go over the top and you will stab someone. You are unsure about what happened to you at the time your brother was being hit by your mum's boyfriend, been in a home, and more.

Frankly I think your counselor was missing the point, you may indeed have said you have this illness or that , however it points to need for assistance, not just something to be dismissed.

Can I ask if you have a OK place to live with decent people now and if you are at school or have something else to do?

I would like it if you felt like coming back and talking more, after all life is not straightforward.

Croix

[TrueSeeker]

Some doctors can be very confusing, my anxiety has been called all sorts and some of it was very hurtful and damaging. I don't think that you're faking anything, when we're not functioning well or the way we want to, there's something that needs to be fixed. I found that a lot of mental illness overlap so it can be hard for them to diagnose you properly.

About your situation, when I want to change the way I do things, I try to "reprogram" my mind by using emotions. When I do something I like, I feel good because it makes my life and other people's life better.
Our mind then gives us motivation and makes us feel good when we do what is beneficial. When I do something I don't like, I feel bad because I don't want to repeat it and it's damaging to my life and others. This way our mind starts avoiding actions that are not beneficial so we stop having urges to do what we don't want to do.

It might not work for everyone, it's up to you what you would like to try, I hope things get better for you.

[Guest_10227]

If you’re wondering whether you’re faking a personality disorder, it's important to explore your thoughts with honesty and compassion — not judgment. Self-doubt is common, especially when reading about symptoms that feel familiar. Sometimes people question themselves because they fear being dramatic or attention-seeking, even when they’re genuinely struggling. Mental health conditions, especially personality disorders, are complex and often misunderstood. If your distress is consistent, impacts your relationships or daily life, and isn’t just tied to certain moments or moods, it’s worth taking seriously.

[Sherpp]

Late ass response, anyway I guess right now it's been pretty good but I've been bored with the cops, Im enrolled in school yeah but I'm on like an enrolment evaluation thing so I've gotta be really nice, like my mums still sad and my brothers a violent addict n that sucks but right now I'm kinda just coping and having fun with my friends 

[Sherpp]

I cant verbalise it, maybe it like is self doubt or something but recalling any time I've ever openly admitted ive got a disorder is literally just for attention and personality, not sure how far it extends from there 

[Croix]

Dear Sherrp~

No worries a bout the length of time for a response, some have gone a year or more, it's OK. I"m glad things seem to have settled down a bit part from your brother. I guess you would expect your mother would still be sad right now. You sound as if your coping skills are getting pretty impressive.

I think you can fall into the trap of thinking the illness you nominate is the correct one, if indeed part of speaking out is to gain attention -so what? If a person needs attention and signals the fact then they do indeed need attention - simple.

I hope you manage to keep on the good side of the school and can continue to go there. Do you have a freind to talk you down if you are about to do something that will not be good and maybe stop you going to school?

If you are in doubt try giving the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800)a ring. They re very experiences with all sort of issues young people have and can give sensible advice. Incidentally while they also run a web-chat I'd not advise using it, it might seem easier however after long waits you only get a shorter tme wiht the councilor. 

I hope you feel like talking again

Croix

[Sherpp]

Honestly, I can't really use an illness to just answer all of my own personal doubts n questions, I mean like processing how I act, I guess it isn't that bad to me at least, but Ive got to consciously reflect and acknowledge I'm harming the people around me, and nobody wants to give vouchers to harmful people too. honestly just wanted to know like with the same kind of concern or anxiety you'd have taking one of those stupid watch mojo 'what personality type am I?' tests but if you just never got the test results LOL, maybe I don't really emotionally respond to other peoples feelings but as long as I know about it I guess I can keep myself in check, personality disorder or not