Recently a
lot of people are telling me that I am “awesome” and “amazing” and “such an
inspiration” and lots of other positive encouraging things. But let me tell you
it wasn’t always like that.
About 22 and
a half years ago, people were telling me very different things; like “I’ve had
enough of your lies” and “Go away, I’m done with you” and “Get your act
together or get out of my life” …. Actually, that last one was the kicker. It
came from my sister. She’d sprung me having my ‘morning drink’. I was trying to
secretly glug down a bottle of mouthwash, telling myself I was just ‘looking
after my dental hygiene’ when really, I had reached the point where I could no
longer brush my teeth without gagging. Almost every other person in my life had
slammed the door in my face and I had no-one left. I even thought about living
in my car and told myself it would be okay because homeless people don’t have a
job, and I still had a job. But only just, and not for much longer.
It didn’t
start out like that though. It started out being so much fun! I was going to
parties and going out dancing and seeing bands and going out to dinner and out
on dates. But from the age of 15 there was ALWAYS alcohol. And if there wasn’t,
then I didn’t want to go. I thought people who didn’t drink were ‘weird’ or ‘boring’
or too scared ….. obviously, I was also quite judgemental. I didn’t grow up in
a home with excessive drinking or abuse or anything like that. But I did have
some significant traumas happen to me as a child, and saw alcohol as the thing
that would ‘fix’ me. Or at least dull the pain.
But alcohol
is a depressant and sooner or later, when a person drinks to excess, it turns
on you and becomes the thing that is ruining everything. And removing everyone from your life. In recovery, we call it ‘The greatest remover on
earth’.
So anyway, a
few days after my sister said “Get your act together or get out of my life” I
got help by going to AA. That was December of 1996 and I haven’t had a drink
since. And I can tell you that sobriety
and recovery has been both the hardest, and most wonderful thing I have ever
chosen and/or been coerced into doing. Ever.
Moral of the
story; if you want to drink, that’s your business. But if the booze is costing
you (removing from you/your life) more than just money, then help and hope are
only a phone call or a meeting away. Visit www.aa.org.au or call 1300 AA AA AA (1300 22 22
22).
