Finding purpose on the path to the future

[GAWGA]

Hi all.

I wanted to ask about finding a new path in life. I’d love to hear your stories.

I no longer wish to walk my old path, nor my current path of isolation with yawning gaps of time where the clock ticks seconds of my life away. Where the invisible old ties bind, holding me back from the future.

I guess I’m starting from a blank slate again but I’m now in my mid 40s. I know I have to do this with care and patience to look after me but I also know this may well take courage and dedication.

I would love to hear your stories. Would you kindly share with me? Are you living a balanced life? A life with moments of joy?What steps have you taken to feel back on solid ground sometimes?

I so look forward to putting my feet on that path. It would be lovely to walk alongside one another.

Thank you all x

[Peppermintbach]

Hi GAWGA (and a wave to all),

What an intriguing idea for a thread. I love it 🙂

It sounds like you’re perhaps looking to make some meaningful changes in your life, and that you’re gradually trying to figure out what that means to you personally. Good for you! I would be interested to hear how things go for you.

I think it’s all an ongoing process for me. There isn’t necessarily a final goal in life for me; it’s all an evolving process/gradual unfolding of sorts.

What steps have you taken to feel back on solid ground sometimes?

I have mentioned bits and pieces of the following elsewhere, but thought that this thread was a good place to tie it all together. Also, it ties in with your topic (I think).

I’ll preface the next part by saying that my worldview/approach may not suit others, which I understand, but it works for me 🙂

One of the biggest changes I’ve made in recents times is I try not to fight my own feelings. It helps me in terms of finding “solid ground.” What I mean by this is if I feel happy, I feel happy. If I feel sad, I feel sad. I try my best to avoid fighting how I’m truly feeling.

Admittedly, there are situations where I avoid expressing certain emotions e.g. work, certain family commitments, etc. But outside of those spheres, I try my best to allow space for my feelings. To me, this has created a huge sense of relief...

I try my best to confront my own feelings, from elation to grief these days. It has actually been very empowering. Obviously, it’s also more painful in many ways, but in the long-term, I do find it personally more empowering than other approaches I’ve tried. Feel it to tame it.

To stop myself becoming overwhelmed by an emotion, I alsonbreak things up with action e.g. work, socialising, trying new things, going outdoors, etc.

Overall, as I approach more & more days with this mentality, I feel much more alive. I don’t feel like I’m running from myself anymore. Grounded.

I’m much less afraid of painful emotions like sadness, grief, heartbreak, etc. I don’t look for distractions as much, because I’m confronting more than I am running or hiding....

That’s not to say that I don’t ever feel overwhelmed and that it never hurts (it often does hurt), but I feel a newfound sense of confidence to be able to face painful emotions (as well as embrace the more pleasant ones). Both are a part of life as far as I’m concerned...

Thanks so much for letting me share a little about the current path that I’m on 🙂

Kindness and care,

Pepper

[Quercus]

Hi GAWGA and welcome.

Pepper said it already but it's worth the repeat...this is a lovely idea for a thread. It was good to log on and read the posts from you both because at heart both feel incredibly positive. Plus I do love threads which encourage people to share stories.

There is something exciting about a fresh start. Terrifying too but also a chance to make changes that benefit you.

To your question...

What steps have you taken to feel back on solid ground sometimes?

Allowing myself the time to search out and meet my own needs equal to others.

It's a work in progress and sometimes it has made friends and family and especially my husband uncomfortable.

But I remind myself daily if I don't do anything to make meaningful changes for myself I will end up back where I began (suicidal).

I'd rather be alive.

So in a nutshell I suppose my greatest step has been speaking up for myself and accepting I'm worthy of the same time and consideration everyone else in my life is shown.

Good luck on your new journey

Nat

[GAWGA]

Thank you Pepper. I appreciate your response. I spend so much time resisting what is rather than accepting. Maybe that is what causes more discomfort. It is accepting all of life and it’s emotions. Day by day I learn a little more. Thank you.

I don’t want to be in my current situation but I am my only agent for change now.

Thank you for the reframe ‘there is something exciting about a fresh start’. I shall hold on to that.

[GAWGA]

Thank you Nat. I’m glad to read your words and I celebrate with you. You are absolutely worth the time you give to others and I am glad that you are doing this for yourself. You matter.

And yes, it’ll shake up your relationships as you shift your perspective and time. Keep holding on to that. We have to show others our worth not expect them to see it.

And you are so right. Do what you have always done, get what you would always have got right?

Simple really but so hard for me to do for me. Such a codependent pattern. I only feel worth when I give to others. But now I have days and nights to myself. Do I give to myself in that time? No, not usually.

But I will try. Because...I would rather be alive too.

There would only be a small ripple if I wasn’t but I see how I can make a difference now. I have worth and this alone time has stripped me of ‘others’ for a reason. Time to invest in giving that love and time to me.

Thank you for helping me see that.

[Quercus]

Hi again 😊

You summed up perfectly the way I have always felt...

"I only feel worth when I give to others"

It isn't easy to change a long term belief/feeling like this, but we'll get there! It is one of the reasons I appreciate these forums... I'm reminded frequently that it is healthy to focus on your own wellbeing too! I'm not sure if you have read much of the forums yet but there is a saying you see pop up a lot saying to secure your own oxygen mask before trying to help others. It makes total sense but in the chaos of daily life it is something forgotten so often.

Seeing as you know that you have this opportunity to start fresh and the desire to be alive I wonder what sort of things would you enjoy?

[Peppermintbach]

Hi GAWGA (and a wave to Nat and all),

It’s lovely to hear from you again, and I’m glad my post resonated a little/gave you something to think about.

I really enjoyed reading yours and Nat’s reflections about the path you’re currently on. It sounds as though you‘e both working on some similar personal issues/struggles. Thank you both so much for sharing.

I would love to hear more about how things go for you (and anyone else who wants to share) whenever you feel like chatting. Not pressure though 🙂

Kindness and care,

Pepper