Finding a state of self

[jonjr]

Hi guys and ladies ... been a while. Im in a ok place right now. My journey is never easy and can snap at what seems like a blink. I cope with help from a fantastic team of understanding and at times over and above team of professionals. Im not going through my illnesses again ( note the illnesses qoute ). My life can be fantastic but i accept it can allso be a complete nightmare. Recently i have managed to get off some of the prescription drugs ..... fantastic ..... the reality is that yes people like me need them but living on them has its own pitfalls. Of all i found some of the anxiety / depression pills the most difficult to kick. Will i ever be drug free.......? Doubtful...... are my team happy i stopped a few pills........ hmmmmmm doubtful. But after 25 years of increasing illness i know my own body and self worth and that can say more than any professional can prescribe. Dont get me wrong i wouldnt be here if it wasnt for those people and myself and my kids thank them from the bottom of our hearts..... so much i am dating one of my helpers.....My life will never be easy i know that, but right now its my choice to decide what my brain says. Its not easy to kick prescription drugs of any kind and if you need them dont ( from experience) but they are and make no mistake very powerful and damaging long term. I wish you all the best in your journey and please listen to your own needs when they shout out.

[BballJ]

Hi jonjr,

Welcome back to the forums. I don't believe we have spoken before but sounds like you have had a long journey and although I may not know your background, I enjoy reading these success stories and the fact you can talk about where you have been and where you are now and the fact you do seem to be in a better place.

My best for you,

Jay

[Starwolf]

Hi Jonjr, thank you for visiting again...and on such a positive note.

One thing sticks out of your post : it's my choice to decide what my brain says. I totally agree with you. We call it OUR mind but it depends entirely on what the electro-chemical reactions in the brain dictate. I too have been at this tyrant's mercy many years. Until I realized that the mind is mostly a product of a past that no longer exists...and rebelled against its negative interference in every day life.

Well done for saying "no, I'm not going along with that". It takes persistence but eventually, the ignored mind calms down and some peace of mind can return.

Thank you again for sharing your story. You're a legend...

[jonjr]

Wow i can not believe it has been 6 years since i updated my journey. Well it has been a interesting few years health wise. Where to start....... well i have had some very rough patches, 4 years ago i did hit rock bottom and had an extended stay in hospital for suicidal behavior and self harm. We where diagnosed officially with dissociative disorders (all of them lol ) on top all the other things. Moving on to now, its hard to look back on that period but it was important and without hitting the bottom i wouldn't have been able to get to where i am now. It taught me that hiding was not the way, and after nearly 40 years of been afraid or scared of what people saw me as i finally realized, THEY DON'T MATER there not us, they don't control us. With that new freedom it has empowered me to open up and be free of stigma and brush of the hurtful comments. It has allowed us to be different identities without feeling afraid, which has helped massively overall in the way i see people. There are still difficulties we face and hospital is a constant in are life but its nearly always for a short stay nowadays and  we can manage to piece our self back together much better as keeping the gad and stress under control means the fugue states are not as often. With the help of peer workers we have got added a voice hearing group to the framework with a local community support service provider which is wonderful.

                It has been hard work and frustrating at times to get to this point in our journey but worth it in so many ways. Is there still stigma in mental health? of course, the fear of the unknown, the lack of knowledge and unfortunately within some illnesses the medias perception and portrayal do little to help. The one thing that still annoys me the most sadly is the mental health system, has it improved over the years ? yes ... has it improved to a level we can be proud of ? not even close. We will not go on a rant about improvements that could be made as it would take all day. We will simple say this... The system tell us that they welcome feedback and listen to people with lived experiences, but as nice as it is to listen its about time you acted on what you are told. hope you all stay save xxx