Feeling ok and the tide has turned

[Airies]

A year ago I was a mess and for 8 months I was in a dark dark place. Numerous hospital visits, medications, supportive family and lifestyle choices and I'm feeling ok.Being bipolar type 1 I tend to do things to extremes. I'm starting to string a number of good days together... I'm starting DBT in a few weeks which will test me somewhat. I'm putting one foot in front of another, not making any huge decisions and part of me is thinking I could be lulling myself into a false sense of security...I'm expecting a fall... I don't want to go where I was.. I don't know whether I could survive another bad episode.. It was scary and I was over it. I continue to have nightmares at night.. I sleep in some sort f medicated bliss but I have my moments.

cheers Len

[Airies]

Hi Kazz and Carol,

dont know about being cool but having a ball regardless. Today marks 5 years since my mums passing. Didn't realise until it popped up on my iPad.Poor mum had dementia and it used to depress me so seeing her in an aged care facility. It's a very special day.

I like to think she's in a better place. Miss her, lit a candle and spent a few hours in the garden replanting stuff as she was an avid gardener. It's been an ok day, blowing a bloody gale down here in Vic. The wind drives me a bit balmy. All good another session of DBT. Enjoying it but th cogs are a bit slow and I feel like an absolute dope trying to take stuff in.

Carol tickled pink that you had a magic time away with family. Sounded idyllic and I love your description. It takes the reader there.Sounds like just the tonic the Dr ordered. You are such a positive, giving person and I've a smile on my dial thanks to you.

Chocolate is one of my major weaknesses. I've made an overnight decision to try and be good.As I don't do things by halves I'm endeavouring to cut out sugars, bread and the like. I've tried Paleo and the Raw Energy diet in the past. If I could loose a few kgs I'd be rapt. My wife had a crack at me about my weight, saw the mortified look on my face, immediately appologysed. It might be the wake up call I need. Anyway hopefully in the New year I can get enough guts to get out on the bike again. I've run marathons and cycled heaps in the past but don't have that drive anymore.

Swimming and hydrotheraphy in the pool is the way to go Carol. I had swimming lessons a number of years ago and use hydrotheraphy in my recovery post hip surgery. I know I slept far more soundly post my forays into the pool.

Kazz I know you've had a rough trot lately. There loss and you walked out with your head held high and integrity intact. As they say one door shuts , another one opens. I sincerely hope whatever you intend to do, it helps steer you too a healthier place. It would be nice if a few breaks went your way:). I've managed go get wind burn outside despite the occasional rain shower. Victorian weather sucks at times. I hope the sun in out in your neck of the woods ladies,

hugs Len xox

[Airies]

Hi folks,

been having a bit of a bummer this week. The weather has been a bit ordinary to say the least. Can't recall it being this cold,wet and windy this late in Spring for ages. The weather sets me off especially the wind.

I hate being blind sinded and this week my demons have cropped up out of the blue. Though I have been well of late, lots of backslapping and thinking I can get off these meds, I've been sleeping lots and needing a break.its made me realise the fragile existence I live.. At a loss, these bloody thoughts have come out of nowhere. I have to ride them out. I'm still early in my recovery.

Cheers Len

[Lost_Girl]

Dear Len,

I am so sorry to hear that things are tough right now. It is this horrible rollercoaster hey. Only a few weeks ago I thought I was ready to reduce my ADs, on talking to my pain dr he said no and I am glad because on reducing other meds I am back in pain again and I am sure I would be worse emotionally without my ADs.

I hope you see a change in the weather soon. We're looking forward to summer and getting you back on the bike!

I am sure all the backslapping was well deserved. This is just a bump in the road and you are right you just need to ride it out but how?

What are you doing to help yourself out Len? Are you still playing your harmonica?

Looking forward to hearing from you xx

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey Len,

Sorry to see you're having a bit of a rough time. The weather is pretty dismal, isn't it? Have had a couple of nice days in my neck of the woods, but they tend to disappear quickly. It's like Spring is peeking shame-facedly around the corner to check if anyone's noticed it's late, then running away again. I'll tan its hide if I ever catch it!

Prolonged dismal weather can dampen both the overall spirits and motivation to do things that will lift them, I think, which in turn can cause a bit of a daisy chain of effects that trigger off depression when you've got it lurking in the corner waiting for an opportunity to jump out at you. I have had my share of unexpected depressive crashes, and I know they can be disheartening, but unfortunately that's to be expected as you recover. Just keep plugging away with the techniques you know, to help get your head above water, and of course talk to your lovely wife, sounds like she's a great support. In time the clouds will clear, in your mind if not this bloody weather. Do you have a well-lit spot in your house you can spend time in when the weather's getting to you? I find that helps me feel a bit lighter and more able to do things, and I have a lamp on a timer to help me wake up in the morning (admittedly because the sun isn't up yet when I have to be). Light plays a huge role in our lives, in our moods and sleep cycles, and there are a bunch of handy inventions these days to manipulate it to our ends. Just some food for thought. Hope today has brought you something to smile about.

Blue.

[Airies]

Hi Carol and Blue,

the suns out today and have spent a few hours in it gardening ..hands and knees sort of stuff which I will pay for physically tonight. Carol I'm so sorry your pain has returned. In this day and age I'm sure they will get to the bottom of it. I'm keeping my hands, knees , legs and arms crossed for you. Hi there Blue as always your posts are filled with so much info and inspiration. The same goes for you too Carol. You are both very special and amaysing people. I think the course I'm doing is stirring up a range of emotions and subject matter that I need to deal with. You're right Blue I have an amaysing partner as both you ladies have and gees don't we lean on them at times. I will do whatever it takes to overcome this dip.. even if it means a stay in hospital but hopefully in the 6 months since my last admission I've learnt some coping mechanisms to avoid that. Today's another day and I catch up for some one on one with my clinician tomorow so will see what happens.

you have both brought a smile to my dial, and hope you are both having a better day,

cheers Len xox

[Airies]

PS ,..still struggling with the harmonica... Was under the impression it's a relatively easy instrument to play...in time maybe but will keep on trying 🙂

[Kazzl]

Hi Len, good to see you mate. I know what you mean about the weather getting to you - it does me too. Spring has finally arrived here but it's still cool and changeable.

Sorry to hear things haven't been good - tis the nature of it eh? Same here at the moment. I'm sure you'll get through mate. You've got determination and resilience within.

Have you looked on the internet for harmonica lessons? Often there are things like that on YouTube. I don't play it but I don't think it's quite as easy as people think. My hubby plays, and I know it takes a lot of practice.

Hope today is good for you my friend.

Kaz

[Airies]

Hi Kazz,

hope this finds you on the upside.Cold and wet one here today. I need the sunshine so much.Have looked at lessons on YouTube, I'll have to buy the whole set to make some inroads. It's pretty hard at our age or any age for that matter in reinventing ourselves and changing our mindset. Got to keep on trying. Watched Terminator 1& 2 last night after finding out Linda Hamilton has battled bipolar. Great films, like many that I've watched before but forgotten the content.Mark that down to the forgotten memories erased due to my mental illness. Guess that's the nature of the beast and every day I'm learning more about myself as tiring as it is I have to plod along, one foot in front of the other.Has your husband played harmonica for long? Picture you tapping along with him as he plays. Hope things improve in your neck of the woods

cheers Len xox

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Len,

You are a champion you know. Just getting through day by day is a good accomplishment. I think the harmonica will suit you, I vote you keep on practising. It will not be long before you can sit outside on your seat in the sun and give it a good go.

I haven't watched The Terminator for many years, nor Total Recall but remember enjoying them both. I am watching a TV series called 11.22.63, it is a story about a man who finds a wormhole in time back to 1960 and stays there with the intent to stop JFK being killed in 1963. It is interesting so far.

I got a good laugh after reading how you have everything crossed. I pictured you in a yoga style position, still wearing that gorgeous hat!

While my pain hasn't changed, I have a gorgeous little puppy in my life. She is making a difference to my family in mood and activity. We should have got her sooner. I will post a new profile pic soon.

Hugs, Carol

[Airies]

Hi Carol,

takes one to know one , you are a champion with a capital C.Your pup is a cutie just like its owner. Been reading your thread and love your positivity. Inspiring stuff you know. Just had my checkup following my DVT thingy in April. The poor lass doing the scan said I was a tricky case and giving her a headache. Was in their for ages. Something to do with the valves on my major circulation system in my legs not working. She left midway to speak to the Specialist and wished me all the best. I'm thinks the medical profession would be broke if it wasn't for people like us. Great that your losing weight. I'm endeavouring to do the same. As I don't do things by half, I've stopped eating potatoes, red meat and bread. Lost a few kilos and feel so much better. Hugs to you and your little pooch

cherrs Len xx