Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[Fiatlux]

Thanks CMF,

I read about DV all the time cause it’s a daily occurrence. Husband may not dare get violent now for fear of Police but we learn that 2 women, mother and daughter were taken from this world for being friends with a woman who had a violent husband.

They say that leaving a violent relationship is the most dangerous time and I can attest to this. 
 

Just being friends with someone in a violent relationship is dangerous. Hence why everyone steers away from us. 

[CMF]

Oh I'm so sad to hear this. I hope you realise you should not hate yourself for being in this situation. You are not responsible for the situation & any move you make needs to be well planned.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear, Paul, CMF, Quirky, Fiatlux and everyone……🤗.

CMF….It’s okay sweetheart to speak you mind, let all your pent up hurt out to the person causing it all…You’re looking out for you and your mental health…Okay, it’s out of character for you to speak the way you did, but honestly, enough is enough and the only way for them to know that is by your words which were spoken from all your built up hurt he caused you….I think you done the right thing by you and you should be proud of you…I have learnt from your posts that you are a very caring and beautiful person…nothing can ever change that…ever..

Fiatlux, hating yourself is so wrong….I’ve been their and it only causes us a lot of stress and debilitation…Why should you hate yourself?….you are doing the best you can in a horrible situation…caring for your children with so much love….please give yourself some of that love…you so much deserve it…I stay away from listening or reading about DV…it’s to heartbreaking for me and can cause so many triggers to start emerging….maybe if you can to can not read about these things🤗…to keep your mental health safe from triggers and heartbreak….

I kept my DV behind closed doors…not even my family or work colleagues knew about it…I think I done this out of shame….Listening to them talk about their wonderful and loving husbands through lunch break alway brought that shame to the surface…

I don’t think during my marriage I ever hated myself…I hated the situation I was in…Tried hard to protect myself anyway I could, to me that says…..I didn’t hate myself,  because I cared enough about me to protect me….Me hating myself came after his passing, guilt, many, many regrets etc, brought that on….After many years and hospitalisation, counselling, self searching, I can now say I do not hate myself….I do dislike parts of me…my weakness's which are many, then I do like parts of me that tries to help people whenever I can…

Liking ourselves is very important, it’s a part of us that’s there to protect us from ourselves…Liking ourselves can be as simple as eating when we’re hungry, taking pain relief when we’re in pain, showering, person hygiene, taking a break from work when we’re tired…I am home sick with a heavy head cold…I am caring for myself with hot lemon drinks, days off work, plenty of rest, sitting in the sunshine…I like myself enough to do these things for me….I hope so much that everyone does like themselves enough to care for themselves…every second of every day and night…because YOU ALL DESERVE SELF LIKE, ARE ALL IMPORTANT…and cared for by the beautiful forum family you’re a part of…

Kind thoughts, hugs, love and care everyone….🌹🤗❤️🦋..

Grandy..

[Fiatlux]

Thank you Grandy and everyone else here,

Yesterday, I spent a couple of hours outside in the local park, walking, soaking up the sunshine and watching families and children play. It took me back to the times I spent with my children just watching them play and I was happy or at least content and liking myself for being able to just sit all alone and enjoy my afternoon. 

When I got home I watched the news and it all came back to me. 2 beautiful ladies lost their lives because they were friends with someone who had left a violent marriage. I recall my high school bestie, telling me to just leave him… go back home to your parents. I was only 19, yet they wouldn’t have me back. My parents must have really hated me.

What parent tells their child that once you leave home, you’re never welcome back? Mine!

I tell my children that my door is always open and this is their forever home, regardless, I love them unconditionally. They are my life. 🙏🏼  Fiatlux 

[CMF]

Dear Grandy,

Thank you for your kind words. I would not have said what I did if I wasn't so hurt. Over & over.

Thank you for understanding 🙏

[quirkywords]

Fiatlux you are so strong and brave.

You are in an impossible situation and people often say why don’t you leave but they don’t understand. 

[Ggrand]

Hi everyone…..🤗..

Fiatlux, .. My childhood was abusive but i suppose in a way I might have felt safer their…I wanted to leave him and go back…my parent’s words were…’you made your bed now sleep in it”…in other words….No! you’re not welcome back…It’s very deeply heartbreaking how people can have babies, nurture them until they are not cute anymore  and just use them for there advantage, throw them away…sorry my words are strong but it hurts each time I think about my childhood….no more then a housemaid from the age of 7 to my parents, then my eldest brother….I won’t go there here….

Life can be so hard, yet we can triumph over it…forgive those that done us wrong….learn from their mistakes or mistreatment of us….if we don’t then how can we become the better person, a person who has love, compassion, empathy, care and the protector of our children…no matter what there age is…unconditional love ❤️….

I’m so sorry you saw that on the news…it’s heartbreaking to hear things like that happening😢…gentle caring hugs lovely friend…🤗🤗..

Yesterday sounds like a beautiful day, I’m so happy for you sweetheart…Those are the memories to hold on too…hearing you say you liked yourself was heartwarming…good memories can help us to like ourselves….we need to keep the good memories alive and put to sleep the bad ones….being kind to others, helping others does help us to like ourselves…

Take care everyone, look after yourselves the best you can…

Hugs, 🤗🤗🤗..

Grandy..

[quirkywords]

everyone readibg

It can be hard to love yourself when parents and partners are always telling you about your faults and offering no support.

My parents were loving but always emphasised how clumsy, untidy and disorganised. I know this is trivial compared to abuse but I never learnt to rive or do anything sporty because I beieved I was hopeless at anything practical and physical. To be honest I was and still am but then that stopped mea;preciating my skills abd goodness. so I agree helping others, appreciating our qualities  being kind toothers can help us like ourselves.

Thanks Grandy abd Fiatlux for your honesty.

[CMF]

We've had some changes at work and it was a tough week for me. I'm not feeling good about myself at all because of things brought up by other people. Not bad things but unsettling as I'm trying to help fix and issue but excuses were made for people causing the issue. My point is im feeling bad about myself because of others. They can't see how their actions impact our team & how/why im trying to resolve it. I felt targeted a little & it made me feel useless which I'm not. Unfortunately kind, thoughtful people like us place our value in what others think of us. I don't usually care what others think of me but this week I felt sad & anxious. I will go into next week with a fresh mindset & try to like myself again.

[Ggrand]

Hello everyone…..💜🤗..

CMF, I’m so sorry that other people made you feel that way, on the other hand I’m so proud of you for knowing you’re not the person they made you feel like…

I went through my life, knowing I was useless, stupid, dumb, not worthy etc…until I realised that I’m not those things, you are so right in saying that other people make us see ourselves as not enough for them….That’s not our problem, they see themselves as not enough…then try to make a competent, kind, caring person feel like they are feeling….It’s them who have the problem and want to bring us down….Please Dear sweet CMF try hard to not let them do that to you….because you are very useful, capable, competent and beautiful person and are willing to help fix problems at work….and help others in the process…

You've had some hard times over the past few weeks and they know how vulnerable you would be feeling, your colleagues should have compassion, empathy for you and be more gentler towards you….Its really sad how we see ourselves through other peoples eyes, instead of the kind, helpful person we/you/all truely are…

I hope that next week, with your very good mindset, set to like yourself,  happens for you…I know we don’t see the people who post on these forums but we do know them by what counts the most, through their heart and soul…and please believe me CMF, that everyone here on these forums, know you as a very caring and beautiful person….that’s the real you..not what your colleagues are trying to make you feel…

Enjoy your day/s off CMF, live for the moment today and I hope you feel better about yourself very very soon….💜🤗🌹..

Hugs, everyone 🤗.

Grandy