Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

blondguy · ‎29-06-2016

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
I dont deserve to love myself
I am depressed...How can I love myself?
I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

Jstar49 · ‎01-06-2021

I have to be honest rx,

I don’t like that feeling when someone doesn’t like me! In my head I can see and hear my mother, being disapproving, and I’ve disappointed her, so I think that’s where it comes from.
My dad didn’t seem to care if I liked him or not. That made it feel like he didn’t care. At all.
I don’t want to be like that.

still searching for the middle path!

cheers,

J*

Guest_1584 · ‎02-06-2021

Ah that's a completely different thing j , very understandable parents are so important in those ways, all ways.

My mum didn't like one of my sisters but admittedly this sister was always a sneaky plotting so and so , even little, and mum just knew it that's all . But she couldn't see mum could see it and knew it . Funny how those types just seem to think they pull the wool over your eyes isn't it but if only they knew. Well she grew up to be a very defensive chip on her shoulder type pain in the arse tbh but l can see so much of it came from mum. She still lies and plots though , and still doesn't realize everyone knows it.

rx

Jstar49 · ‎02-06-2021

hey,

Oh wow, yeah I can see how that would happen. I wonder what happened to make your sister be like that? Or maybe thats just how she was born. I always think something must trigger abberrant behaviour like that. Kids are such a reflection of their parenting- which is why we all feel so guilty I guess!

some kids just get away with stuff tho, and others get caught and seen and are always in trouble. It seems to happen like that at school as well.

Now I'm wondering if there was something about me that made my parents dislike me??? Arggh! The rabbit hole of self contemplation!

J*

Guest_1584 · ‎02-06-2021

Ah sorry j , but nah l didn't want that to come across as some kind of reflection on your sitch.

No one made her like that she's just always been like that and still is , can't trust her far as you could kick her. Mum and dad and the rest of us were the complete opposite to her she's still fun and games.

But anyway , could you really know they didn't like ya , parents have all sorts of ways of raising their kids and make a lot of mistakes too. Especially in the way they treat them thinking one thing but it turns out to be the worst thing to do, like say the hard parent just an example , think they're making their kids tough .

Jstar49 · ‎02-06-2021

Hey,

Thats true. no I didn't think you meant that at all. It's just that I have been criticised for having a chip on my shoulder......and my parents/dad esp-were really strict, so that led me to sneak around a bit. It wasn't safe to be honest. I kinda make up for that now by being super honest!!

IDK if my folks don't like me really, altho it sure looks like that. I usually think about it in terms of, I don't play their game. Dads game.

It just gives me another way to look at it I guess. I want to do right, not be right, as Brene Brown says. For me thats about finding out the truth, instead of just seeing it thru my own warped perspective.

Thanks Rx, I'm not in a corner, foetal position. Just something to think about.

Cheers,

J*

PS Sorry to hear that your sister can be difficult tho. Is she older or younger than you?

Doolhof · ‎03-06-2021

Hi All,

I'm not a parent so I can't comment on my own parenting experiences and skills.

I do wonder sometimes though why children in the same family can be so different if it seems they have been brought up the same.

Is it genetics, is it the way our brains are wired, does it depend on which order we are born in?

I guess so much in life can reflect on how a child is brought up and what influences them.

We don't all come with an individual instruction booklet at birth unfortunately!

This is an interesting conversation. Cheers to you all from Dools

Ggrand · ‎03-06-2021

Hi everyone..

It is strange how 2,3,4 or more siblings can be so different from each other..both my boys were very different from each other when growing up....and still are very different in their family lives and how they are now raising their own children....Peer pressure? School teachers influence on pupils? ...I think there are so many possibilities why siblings are different....

Oh I had a yucky day today...and will be so pleased when my head hits the pillow..... I had such a yucky day and I don’t want to go to sleep tonight feeling this way.....I am going to treat myself to a couple of chocolate biscuits dipped into a hot coffee...Just because I want to..Did you know that being caring towards ourselves...helps to like ourselves better...

I hope you all enjoy tonight...

Grandy..

Guest_1643 · ‎03-06-2021

hi there... just my input but i think even if children are raised in the same family, they may be raised differently

i was raised different to my brother, my father was quite chauvinistic and had more rules for me.

Also there is a word for this but if you are a younger sibling, you are often also raised by the older ones... you have additional parents in that way (see a big sister refer to her newborn sibling as "her baby" and you'll know what I mean... I see kids do this a lot, mother their younger sibling)

I would mother my cousins a lot as well - you become like another figure for them. I think there are differences in upbrining even in the same family, according to gender, and place in the order of siblings according to age.

Jstar49 · ‎03-06-2021

Hi all,

sorry you had a yucky day grandy! The chokky bikkies sound like a good way to self soothe.....

I have been treating myself to hot chocolates on these cool nights. One marshmallow. It is a nice finish to my evening of eating lol!

apparently, kids instinctively make themselves different from their siblings, in order to find their place. So often it will be a difference or a talent or skill which helps them individuate, rather than being just another version of no. 1 and 2. Then there are the roles we play. Like, the second child is the helper. The first child doesn’t feel the same need to help becos they are all that’s needed! In my brothers case, just walking in the room is all he has to do!

it’s pretty fascinating.

sleepy I totally agree. My bro had a different set of rules and expectations than me. The chauvinist thing. Yes! Omg it used to drive me Wild! He had so much freedom!

then my younger sister ( no. 3) had a lot more relaxed rules too as they couldn’t be bothered.

cheers

J*

Guest_1584 · ‎13-06-2021

Coming from a huge family , way over 10 , believe me we're all different it's just how it is no brainer everyone's an individual . Some of us have funny little portions or others, or similar personality traits but yet totally different too , totally different ways or beliefs or dreams , different level of intelligence , same legs as some same hair as others , it's quite funny , natures just incredible.

My daughter's like that with me and ex , these bits of her mum and those bits of me and other bits that are just pure her , my long legs and arms but her mums skin, really strong personality traits of her mum but others equally as string of mine , and then as l say there's just her , she's such an original . There's a million things just like there always was in my family too. No doubt if we had 2 l'd be guessing they'd be totally different people again.