Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[quirkywords]

Emo there was a case of a woman who was charged by police after she rang them when her partner was hitting her and being violent. This was on abc 7.30 report a few days ago.

I am so sad this has happened to you. I had no idea this is happening to women when we are told that there is help .

Are there any women’s refuges or services you can contact or 1800 respect.

It is so unfair you are in this position.

Do you know your local MP ? The govt has pledged money but somehow you are not being helped.

we are listening. You are so brave and strong.

[smallwolf]

Hi Rx.

Funny how we look at our brothers and they look at us. I won't go into too much detail, and what I am saying may not relate to you but and is more about me...

We might be stuck in thoughts of axiety and depression and think that others have it so rosy but we might not see what is happening behind closed doors. What a person might present to another person being different to reality. It could be a stressful job, the way they relate to other people etc.

There was an incident this week for me where I made a mistake and I got a quite a low point. I pride myself on doing thing "perfectly" and this did not happen. And I was speaking with someone who was saying all these nice things about me. One one side, there were things like efficieny, perfection, logic and on the other side is spirituality, compassion etc. Within myself I put logic over compassion. The person I was speaking to has the opposite view.

And perhaps for myself it is also about recognising that things like compassion is just as important if not more so that perfection and logic. It is a long road and work in progress.

[Guest_1584]

Hi sw.

And thanks very much for the thoughts , l love hearing about how our minds are working through our lives and others, it really helps and it's really interesting too.

l'll have to come back tonight to reply properly , so much around and around going on in there. But yeah your so right too , both those brothers and their families have been through huge huge stuff right through that l doubt l could've personally have gone through myself .

Love your thoughts on compassion and perfectionism . Just lightly , l've always thought l'm way too passionate and compassionate , for my own good tbh. The hard arse types seem to come out on top every time to me. But maybe l'm wrong bc like you say no one knows what really goes on behind closed doors.

[Jstar49]

Hi all,

Rx what goes around comes around. Sometimes I have thought- I need to be different. I'm not getting what I want/need out of life. Sometimes it does look like the cheats and liars prosper.

I am who I am tho. The best thing for me has been getting in touch with the values which I want to rule my decisions and choices. As per Brene Brown or Stephen Covey. This has helped me to stop comparing myself to others and work on progressing in the directions that are important to me.

Good luck,

J*

[Guest_1643]

hi all

I like connecting to others nad i like my ability to share my experiences and relate to others experience

i like my empathy

i like my growing assertiveness and ability to say no

saying no feels wrong but is right, and i like the changes in my life that come from putting my recovery first.

[white knight]

Hi Sleepy

Re: "saying no feels wrong but is right" that is a classic example of guilt feeling and/or low self esteem imo.

Until you one day say to yourself "I am right because I know it through my experience and sound judgement...if I'm proved wrong then I'll apologize and put that down to a new learning curve"

That is a even better way to like yourself more dont you think?

TonyWK

[Guest_1643]

hi tony unfortunately with my background i still find myself feeling bad after asserting myself

my psych points this out to me all the time

i make very reasonable requests and feel like i'm being demanding, and i also feel guilty before, during and after making the requests. even today I felt like i was annoying him as I'm often calling him out or challenging him

It's hard to dobt myself

[Guest_1584]

Hi Sleepy

l like my empathy too and l like it in others but l find it so rare , and that's if they can even see that side of a situation , which l usually will from 10k away and l'm already feeling deeply about the situation but they just won't and don't even see it most of the time. lt amazes me how little most people can actually see without it being spelt out for them in big block letters. l've been like this my whole life and even as a kid family wouldn't see or feel for things l'd just see . So yeah , of course , l'm obviously and always have been very perceptive but that's ok . What really still just gob smacks me though is that often it's my empathetic side that allows you to see like that , so when they don't even have much of it they see and feel so little , l think the lack of it just blinds many . And so again related to the hard arses of the world , no empathy , never put themselves out, never feel much for anyone, and so they just go on their merry way looking after number one,

Hi j,

You can work on aspects of yourself and change things to get a lot of what you might want l believe.Superficially you can do and change things or work towards or to channel yourself your life toward the end game of what you might want and things you might want or of something that tends to allude you .

My shame within myself to myself , is not that l have any problem getting what l want. l've always been very good and creative as well as the nose and very good instincts with getting anything l want , that's never been a problem. Unfortunately though , that all goes straight out the window when it's come to "keeping" what l want though.

You might notice most people are very good at keeping what they have , that's sort of what l'm on about with my brothers. Their family, homes, accumulations, friends, their lives, they've kept it all built on it all , me on the other hand l've been hopeless at that.

l can see these days looking back over life the why's, but the trouble is l can't undo them now , can't go back , can't re'get things l've had that should've been treasured in my life.l'm basically starting again and have been the last 7yrs. all over.

rx

rx

[geoff]

Hello RX, once you start comparing yourself with other family members or even friends on what achievements they appear to have accomplished, then there's the possibility that you'll come off second best.

It may seem that they have done everything to attain a better life, but that's you looking at it from the outside, there may be situations or problems that no one else knows about, they're hiding, such as looking at the countryside, you may say 'the views are beautiful', whereas they may not like it, whoever is right doesn't matter, their life is different to yours and you have always kept us involved on your threads, don't punish yourself.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Guest_1584]

Hi Geoff and thanks very much.

Yeah , it is true , and the grass isn't always as green as it might look . l don't know how we get caught up in such things l never have before , always been my own person, although l do know , it's only bc of where l am now.

Tbh , think l've said too much in threads, that's unlike me too , but there's been a lot to re'figure out last few yrs.

Thanks again.

rx