Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

[blondguy]

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-)

I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love.

• Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place?
• I am in a dark place, how can I love myself?
• I dont deserve to love myself
• I am depressed...How can I love myself?
• I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself?
• I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I?
• I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later'

When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask.

I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression

I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress 🙂 Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome

Thankyou so much

Paul

[blondguy]

Hi everyone! New Posters are always welcome too

Thankyou Quirky for your solid support here and across the forums....I still like myself as life is too short to do otherwise. I really appreciate you taking the time to be a rock for own pain

Hey Jstar...Thankyou for you super caring post...Its always a bonus to have your heartfelt support ✔

my kindest always

Paul

[ecomama]

Hey everyone

I love this thread.
It shows up lots of deeply felt thoughts and emotions that we cannot often share with others for so many reasons, hence these forums are blessed and a wonderful space to share.

Belief in the sayings around we can't expect others to love us if we don't love ourselves is becoming more of a truth to me then it ever was before.
We may be fortunate to have the unconditional love from others but that would be a rare thing.

Pouring the love into our own self by our thoughts and actions can ONLY be a good thing.

Similar to the expression I say to others when they're scared about taking a particular path.... "some times we just need to jump into the abyss".

Nothing can be lost by jumping into the abyss of loving ourselves.

If loving yourself is unknown to you?
Just DO IT.
One simple way is to treat ourselves as we would our own best friend!

This very path can be a barrier to abuse.

When we love ourselves we do not tolerate it.
We can be the UPstander for ourselves and say NO.

Just as we would for our best friend.

It feels weird, it feels different but after a while of keeping on with doing the actions of self love, we GET THERE.

With all the love in the world, to a group of the most wonderful, kind and caring people in this world, it's time for you to love yourself.

LOVE EM

[smallwolf]

@Emo. You are worthy. It can be hard to recognise when you are constantly put down and perhaps write down all the good things about yourself now - your education? sports? cooking? family? how you got here? I still struggle like you. Also, someone told me (two different people actually) say it takes between 4-10 compliments to overcome a negative comment.

@Paul... And sad to read your mum is forced to go to church. Can I ask have you spoken to your mum about this? Whether it is a church or support group or something-else, the person I think should want to go. On the other side, your sister might think she is doing a good thing - good intention, bad execution. Or needs to do this for her own saving? I don't really know.

@Everyone... when someone says something to hurt us, it says more about them than it does us. I know it is easy to take on board what the other person says. Their own experiences or expectations or thoughts "make" then say something critical. It is mostly/not always/never about you.

[Emo]

Hi Giraffe,

Thank you for your kind and very wise words. I wish I was as smart as you. I've had a very bad few days which also included a very bad mothers day.

I tried to reach out to my mother again to wish her a happy mothers day but she said that I'm dead to her and that my husband is her son and that I should just do the world a favour and take my life.

I've been sitting here wondering why I bother fighting after that comment by my mother. Doesn't she realise what saying that can do to someone. Maybe she does and that's her plan. I've just reached a point of feeling like it's all too much.

I also need free legal advice and representation as my husband has lied to the police and told them that I'm abusing him before I could talk to them and get him charged with abusing me.

It just feels like one big mess right now. I know one of the lovely forum members suggested where to go to get free legal advice but I can't seem to find the details on it. If anyone happens to know who to contact I'd really appreciate it as I'm just drowning in problems and I'm too stressed to think straight.

I just want to be free and safe but I realise now that that will never happen in my life. Its all just about putting one foot in front of the other and trying to avoid getting abused too badly.

I'm so grateful for everyone's great advice and support. I hope you all have a great day. Thank you.

Regards,

Emo.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Emo, 

It sounds like you have had an incredibly difficult last few days, we are really sorry to hear that you are feeling so low and distressed. We are reaching out to you privately as we are worried about you but we thought we would put a few resources on this thread as well in case you see this first. 

We think that a call to a Mental Health phoneline would be a great step so you can talk about how you are feeling and what steps you can take to stay safe. You can always call us on 1300 22 4636, lifeline on 13 11 14, or the SUicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467. 

We think that 1800 RESPECT are w great place to start for support with relationships and we highly recommend giving them a call. In terms of Legal advice, you can call the Community Legal Centre on 9652 1501 and they may be able to help find someone appropriate.

We hope that helps and that you are finding support while you are feeling this way. Thank you for sharing your experience and please feel free to update us on how you are going if you feel comfortable. 

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[white knight]

Hi EMO, I think you do need help ATM.

I'd like you to think about the errors your mother is making. Just because she is your mother doesnt mean her decisions and reactions is just, nor kind nor appropriate. We tend to be raised in a society that has ultimate and automatic respect for our parents and thats fine if their own judgements are valid. Sometimes they are not right, thats when you must, for the sake of your well being, let them go.

I did just that 10 years ago as my sister did. Our mother is 90yo this year yet we will not see her again, we flatly refuse to see a tyrant that, after all the mental abuse we endured, will leave us from this life with some damage left behind that will hurt us ongoing. We will preserve our lives as best we can by having no contact.

Furthermore I now have two mother figures (even though I'm 65yo) that treat me well.

Thanks for sharing. Respond if you like.

TonyWK

[Jstar49]

Hi Emo,

I felt very strongly to respond to your post, even tho I have nothing to offer in the way of advice. Sophie has given you some excellent resources, and I agree completely with Tony, you sound like you DO need help atm, and I hope you get it. If you don't get good help and advice the first time, please keep seeking and DO NOT GIVE UP.

Your mother is wrong. Her words are unjust, unloving and deliberately cruel. I hope that you can see them for the lies they are, and rise above.

Here for you, whenever you need to talk,

LOVE

J*

[Emo]

Hi Sophie M,

Thank you for your kind words and your suggestions of places to contact to get help. I really appreciate everyone's help.

I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to reply but I've been busy trying to deal with the legal charges that were put against me by my husband. It looks like unless I want a criminal record I need to move back in with him and apologise to him for abusing him.

I can't believe how easily they have believed him and not taken into account the bruises and injury to myself. I don't want to go back but I have sought some free legal advice (thank you for recommending the legal service) and the advice is that I could end up in jail and it would ruin my future.

My heart broke because I was finally hoping that the police could help me to be safe but instead their actions are forcing me to go back to my extremely abusive husband.

I'm not sure if I will ever get a chance to leave again. I feel so upset like my life is spiraling out of control. What can I do anymore? I just want to stop being hurt and for the pain to go away.

I'm so sorry I'm not replying to everyone right now but I will try to in the coming days. I'd be lost without people replying to me as I'm all alone. My mother has gotten worse with her feelings towards me so I don't know what to do as she is still my mother. I guess my life is a mess.

Regards,

Emo.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Emo, this doesn't sound right. I'd be seeking further/alternate advice. Can you/have you contacted a women's domestic violence organisation that can advise/assist? If you feel unsafe with your partner, I can't imagine why someone would say you HAVE to be in that situation.

As far as your mother goes, I'd be giving that one a hard pass. Just because people are family, doesn't mean we have obligations to them. Mine were toxic, and it was harmful to my mental health, so I chose not to be around them any longer. I feel better for it. You, too, can choose. I hope you can see this.

Who else is available to you? Support groups? Community groups? Your GP? Please keep reaching out. Here also. This community is here for you.

Katy

[Guest_1584]

Not very much at all this wk.

l know we shouldn't compare ourselves our lives to others m but l've been thinking about my older brothers. They've both been married 30yrs , had great homes through most of that and happy marriages and families , stability , love , both really well off financially, and then there's me and my life, world. lt must look like a total disaster to them or anyone that knows it.

Would you believe once yrs back my oldest brother said m , l really envy you and the things your doing and live , you and k [ now ex w] l really wanted stuff like all that for my life.

Ha , no worries , just take a look now bro and you'll feel much better believe me.

rx