Can you list what you like about yourself?

[mmMekitty]

Hello everyone! [Grinning LRC*]

Please, as a challenge or to share, I would like to invite anyone & everyone to write a list of any length you want, of what you like about yourself.

We might even have a discussion about what to include on these lists or not.

Most of all, for this Discussion, I hope, for those who find this really difficult, that reading what others like about themselves will give you some ideas of what is possible. Maybe you will find you like some of these things about yourself?

Big hugzies to everyone

mmMekitty

* LRC = Little Red cat, who wasn't really so little.

[quirkywords]

mmMeKitty

i had a full social day for a fami,y gathering. I find crowds hard. I made an effort yet several close fami,y members decided to criticise me unfairly. I felt tears trying to come but I went for a walk had some water then talked to a good listener. When I feel attacked fir being me it is hard to find good points because I soak up the negative comments.
however I stayed and was present fir 12 hrs of gatherings and I didn’t cry. 

[mmMekitty]

Hello Quirky

I have often felt out of place in gatherings, whatever the gathering, I've never felt comfortable.

My (ex-)step-mother never held back with her critical assessment of others. She would 'target' someone, even at parties of friends (primarily friends of my father & her - I had no friends to invite). sometimes it was me.

I had taken her criticism on board for as long as I'd known her. It had affected me a lot, until I comprehended what she thought was her opinion - nothing more than that. Then, I also have understood how little I value her opinion. How can it mean so much to me when I meant so little to her?

Still, it takes time & effort to not listen to the remnants of her voice in my mind. I have to say to myself, I don't have to listen to her. She is no longer a part of my life; she no longer has any say or control over me.

However, I still don't think I could stand up to her & tell her to keep her opinions to herself.

Maybe trying to imagine confronting her might be enough? Or learning to object to others in my life who might say something inappropriate or offensive or insulting or plain wrong, also might be the way to go now.

I sometimes have the opportunity to say to my PDr that I don't like when he goes on holiday, especially the long breaks over Xmas & New Year each year. Even saying that is difficult, fearing rebuke & rejection of what I'm feeling as I do.

Do you like that you were able to find someone you could trust to listen to you?

That's a skill I've yet to feel sure I have.

& how do you feel about being able to take yourself out, for a walk away from the situation? There are definitely situations where that is the better option.

Oh, & how do you feel about making the effort to go to the family gathering, even knowing how uncomfortable being amongst a group is for you?

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[quirkywords]

Kitty thanks for your understanding. At the time I feel out of control a bit but can get myself away and not end up in a blubbering mess. 

when the person who upset me saw me today we hugged and we both apologised  and understood we were both tired. In hindsight I should not have said what idid as it could have been misinterpreted. A lesson. 

[Patches63]

mmMeKitty, for so long I feel like I’ve been someone else’s something (daughter, wife, care given, step mum etc) that I’ve semi lost myself as just me. 
things I like about myself (and starting to find again)

- love of and for animals

- helping other people especially elderly or those with disabilities

- trust worthy

[mmMekitty]

Hello Patches

As rewarding, demanding & all-consuming as the various roles we might take on in our lives, finding out who we are, what we like about ourselves seems a very worthy thing to do, so we can care for ourselves, with our own understanding of our needs & desires - I mean, what better way to become a healthy person is there?

I'm so glad you are finding out who you are. What you have said already shows me a warm & caring sort of person, who respects others, people & animals alike. If you trust, respect & care for yourself as much as for others, you'll be doing fine.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Patches63]

mmMekitty for those words of encouragement which also have me feeling bit emotional.  
From an early age I was a shy around people I didnt know.  In settings where I felt comfortable and knew the people that were around me I was an outgoing, bright, cheerful, very confident girl.  Early teens and a lot of this changed due to circumstances outside of my control.  My education suffered and, following one surgery I lost all interest in both of my career choices and generally lost interest in almost everything.  Over the decades I’ve gone through the see-saw of feeling good within myself, that I can trust people to withdrawing and wanting to curl up into my shell.

during last 12mths there has been couple of situations which have once again questioning if I can trust people around me.  For me, one great part of the forms is it’s completely anonymous.  I have very small circle of friends due to trust issues.  These friends know about my trust issues and are so patient with me.

Ive been reading through the different posts and things others have shared.  Am feeling nice little flickers deep inside reading the words.

may take me some time but I feel my list will grow over time, especially with the help and support of everyone here.

Patches

[Eagle Ray]

Hello mmMeKitty, Patches and All,

What you write Patches struck a chord for me. I had trust issues really come up this week and went totally into my shell. I just wanted to run away from all people. I actually love people but I also have ingrained fears from multiple past experiences and can get really strong fear activations. This last one that started Monday morning has made me intensely withdraw to the point I have been really disappointed in myself for becoming so anxious and with the anxiety not settling also becoming depressed. So the topic of what I might like about myself is challenging this week but it is good for me to force myself to think about it and come up with something. So for me it is:

- always continuing to try to be resourceful to solve things no matter how bad I'm feeling.

- being friendly and kind with people when I interact, even though I'm mostly hiding from people at the moment.

- feeling a strong connection with the beautiful things in nature - my safe place.

- recognising that I should not be so hard on myself, even though this is a work in progress.                                                                                                                       

[mmMekitty]

Thank you, Patches.

Whenever I respond to a post, making an effort to talk to someone here, anonymously as you say, I feel I am also talking to myself, helping myself, because trying to write fo others will understand makes things clearer in my own mind. You are helping me build on my own list of things I like about myself.

I like the feeling I get when someone appreciates what i've said, if I have helped them in some way, if my words help them to understand something about themselves.

Generally, I am not comfortable around people. I can need a lot of time to feel  comfortable. Trust is at the heart of the difficulties I have with relationships.

I have to admit, even though I don't feel sure I can trust myself, I've managed to keep myself out of more awful situations than I've gotten into. Though it took time, I have managed to get out of those situations too, not unscathed, but still alive.

I like that I've survived as well as I have - thinking how much worse my condition might be if I had not managed what I did.

That's something. We are here. Really, that is something.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Patches63]

inspirational words by Christopher Reeve I like are “a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles”.  When I think back over the situations in my life which tested me mentally and physically I don’t see myself as a hero but as a survivor and my mind substitutes the word for hero for survivor.  
thinking about these words have reminded me of things I like about myself

- I’m brave

on the dark days I don’t feel brave and want to run and hide from everyone

- im a fighter and have a lot of inner strength, doesn’t feel that way at times

- I’m unique and proud of it

[mmMekitty]

Patches, yes. You are, a strong, brave, individual who has survived so much.

When we feel the need to withdraw & hide within ourselves, we are protecting our most vulnerable selves. It may seem the safest thing to do, maybe the only thing we can do.

For me, it seemed to work so when, over the following years, it was my go-to method for myself whenever feeling some threat. I'd do everything from keeping quiet to physically leaving or hiding away in my flat & going to my bedroom & curling up in my bed, not talking to anyone, to drinking. These things I did at the time, because I hadn't learned other ways of coping. 

I have not thought of myself as brave or as a hero, maybe I've had more courage than I have thought, when I've had to act even though I was feeling terrified. 

I am a survivor in that I am still alive. I am not sure the person I was when I was a child survived, only that the person I am now, shaped by all my experiences, is the one who is alive now. I feel very differently from how I felt ten years ago, or thirty, let alone fifty years ago. Over the last couple years, I feel I am changing who I am again.

I like the idea of being able to change, as I need, bettering myself with each small change. Feeling confident to make changes doesn't come easily to me. It's scary.  But I can & will try.

Hugzies

mmMekitty