Acceptance- is this our biggest challenge?
Acceptance is in the mix, in terms of the process we have to face where it comes to our demons. Like all the other factors in our quirky lives with mental illness challenges, we often have more intense fights to endure.
We have to accept we have a mental illness- no mean feat before we can feel relaxed in our own skin. We have to accept being “different”, not normal and we have to accept others wont/don’t/cant understand. We have to accept the download of all this and the discrimination from nasty people. Then there’s the challenge of accepting ourselves.
To top all this off we have the the computer. This machine has made incredible advances in communication, knowledge sharing and we as a result are far more aware and educated. But there is a downside….misunderstanding. In respect to forums we shed our outer skin, expose our deepest thoughts and in many cases display information about our inner thoughts we would not normal reveal. This can have ramifications. I’d argue that we with emotional needs far greater than normal and sensitivity at peak levels, that we are prone to fall into traps on the internet more often.
Facebook is a good example. I covered this in an article (google) “topic: is social media good for you?- beyondblue”. Bullying from some quite nasty people had occurred with me over a 5 year period by one low life person that surprisingly was a popular fellow with others…for a time. Until people realised his inner persona wasn’t all that nice as his exterior appeared. By the time harm was done, the personal messages of “take more medication and go back to your doctor buddy” cut deep and there was no way I could just “laugh it off”.
Internet disputes place us in a situation whereby you feel you cannot avoid them. We humans cannot agree about everything. But the worst thing about internet communication is, we don’t see the smile when the other posts, we don’t read the words how they were intended to be received and we certainly don’t have a vision of the good nature of the person…that often is clouded.
We need to always try to move forward because the bigger picture of life itself is important. It isn’t an easy task because we are still chewing at the bit about our side of a story…so we have to be brave if we are going to use computers as our tool to talk, find common ground and swallow our pride.
Acceptance, our greatest challenge? I think so. To accept ourselves and focus on the bigger picture. What do you think?
Hi Tony WK
If its okay I would like to borrow a phrase you wrote and I quote "with
emotional needs far greater than normal and sensitivity at peak levels,
that we are prone to fall into traps on the internet more often"
I echo your thoughts here. I have people that I know that have many friends on facebook and they are some of the loneliest people I know. With all respect of course to the huge followers of facebook I found it somewhat awkward (just for me) that these friends were merely acquaintances. I have met some very kind and gifted people on the forums and am very proud of what they stand for and also what they have achieved in their lives.
The computer/smart phone can be a wonder but also has its drawbacks where internet activity is concerned. One of the most difficult posts I have ever placed on these forums is the one about my dad. Due to the topic of abusive parents I felt like I was walking on 'eggshells' even thinking about posting and eventually summoned the strength to do so.
Just my humble opinion but I do agree that true acceptance is one of the keys that unlocks the door to recovery.
Thankyou for another great topic Tony WK.
I struggle with acceptance a lot.
I still don't except my anxiety, I'm always looking for something else.
I can't accept thoughts are just that, thoughts.
and I've never accepted me, in my eyes I've never been a good enough mother, wife, daughter, sister friend. I've never been pretty enough smart enough or kind enough!
By all means take any of my words and use them. Permission always granted. Glad I can help. I've got arounf 11 article written to date.
Google the following in regards to what you mentioned-
"Topic: bullying- beyondblue"
"Topic: words are sticks and stones- beyondblue"
"Topic: Your attitude is not a mental illness- beyondblue"
"Topic: So what are their mental illnesses- beyondblue"
"topic: Why social media is no good for you- beyondblue"
Yes, I recall your post about your fathers abuse on you. You are advancing Paul, baby steps perhaps but going in the right direction none the less. Great eh.
Bluey Moon- Re: "I've never been pretty enough smart enough or kind enough! Reminds me of a number of things. Firstly there is a saying "I'm not in this world to live up to others expectations".
When my 1st marriage broke in 1996 I restarted my new life in a 3 metre long caravan. Every day I'd look into the mirror and say in a normal voice "Tony, you are worthy of love and to be loved". This low confidence was the result of some serious emotional based upon a hard working sensitive man, father of her children that worked 3 jobs so she could be a stay at home mum. I recovered and went forward. Reflecting upon her now I realise. Here I am now volunteering to help others, a good father to my now grown children and a happily remarried man. Whereas, she, since that time 20 years ago, hasn't achieved much at all and has had two more failed marriages.
My point is, other people are not a good guide to your own qualities like attractiveness (men that find you attractive are better judges!), smartness - we cant all be clever. My education is year 10!! My life experiences is vast. Besides, society needs workers of low education standards to do the work higher educated people wont do. As far as being a good enough wife, daughter sister friend- as long as you do your best that should be good enough for anyone...if not those people can go jump!!
Have a read of these (google them)
"Topic: Confidence- how do you get it?- beyondblue"
"Topic: Motivation- search and rescue it- beyondblue"
"Topic: Depression and sensitivity- a connection?- beyondblue"
Hope they help you
This is a great post Tony and thanks also to all who have contributed.
You are spot on with acceptance been key. I spent 6 months in denial which led to a great big fall that I could have avoided had I just accepted things earlier.
In terms of not feeling good enough, the mirror is an evil nemesis for me each morning. I would wake up filled with anxiety and stare at my reflection and I would hate what I see as it represents failure. Failure in all I tried to achieve and couldn't. At one stage I wanted to just smash my head into the mirror so I would stop thinking about how much of a failure I am.
Great Post. You are very insightful and it's appreciated.
Have a great weekend 🙂
The sad part is, I was so like you are. That feeling of failure was so hard to overcome. Chipping away at it is the only way it seems.
Firstly I had acknowledge the origin of my low confidence. That was confirmed as coming from my narcissistic mothers abuse of us kids. Then realise that most of the people that criticised me were, when I studied their lives, not qualified for judging me so. They often had hidden agendas common in workplaces. They don't have a caring attitude and so on. It's a dog eat dog world.
"Failure". It is a word based on standards set by society or people. It is a feeling engraved on your mind by the words or actions of other people. What can we do about it? A lot.
As with depression we need to take a multi pronged approach. GP, Psych's, therapy, counselling etc and - proper diagnosis and meds. Then much is up to you. Rid your life of toxic people not matter who they are (my mother in my case and a few bullies on Facebook), Surround yourself with caring and kind people, talkers that have hangups also. Change your environment (I moved to the country). Get more suitable employment if possible work alone. Get a hobby and a sport. This is because mind diversion takes you away from your thoughts of failure. eg I did model airplanes. I joined a club but I quickly isolated myself from the ego tripping authoritarians. Joined a car club and I let the club work for me not the other way around.
Please read up here on the thousands of threads.
Failure. No you are not. A really appropriate article I wrote about this is (Google it) "Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue"
Because it's effect is varied depending on your own employment, financial and social situation, it might be easier for some than others.
I have to make a confession, Covid hasn't affected me at all. I'm retired and live in a regional area.
Do you think you can accept unexpected problems arising into your life?
I think acceptance plays a big part in managing Covid 19.
We can ignore it or believe it is all a fear mongering exercise but that doesn't help anyone.
Acceptance means accepting the risks are real & therefore we need to modify our behavoiur or our expectations appropriately. For example I can wear a mask and remain physically distance to others at the shops etc. Rather than eating in a restaurant I can get take away and eat in a park. These are ways to manage the risk while still living a meaningful life.
Another part of acceptance is recognising why some things were stopped or modified. Face to face supports & activities have been replaced by online. I can't change it so accepting that the organisations are doing their best helps keep things in perspective.