A life of compromise

[white knight]

Compromising with life as opposed to people. Life, we've all had our speed bumps, totally unexpected and do damage to us mentally every time.

It occurred to me while sitting in my car one day a few years back, while waiting for a lovely looking lady to....hand me a speeding fine, that if I expected to receive one fine per year, I'd never lose my license and the bonus would be- It wouldn't hurt because I'd expect it.

So the life speed hump, what if we expected a downer, a traumatic event to arrive once a month. Wouldn't you celebrate if you went 3 months without a major upset or depression cycle?

The facts are clear, trauma through losing a loved one that passed occurs on average every decade. I'm overdue by 25 years when my father passed in 1992. But you can see where I'm going with this. Another fact- you cannot do anything about these traumas. You cannot prevent them, alter their course or delay the inevitable eg aged care. And we also know that some people can seemingly take these terrible events in their stride but we often cannot. I say "seemingly" because some people have great effective masks. We don't really know what they are thinking do we?

In 2003 I was misdiagnosed with ADHD and bipolar 1. In 2009 rediagnosed with bipolar 2, depression, anxiety and dysthymia. What a mixed bag I thought. Once I accepted my illnesses (3 months) I began to accept worse case senarios. Time in a psychiatric ward, relationship difficulties, period rejecting society, interference with work, maybe anger or violence. I never considered ending my life because in 1996 I started that woeful journey and vowed I'd never hurt my family after that. The other possibles never happened. But had they occurred I would have expected them. A spell in a ward? Ok, rest up, get well and exit in a better condition (maybe, I haven't been in one), rejecting society ok, done that a few times but I'd plan it better now as I'm wiser. Violence..? expect violence? Nope, that would not be acceptable in my eyes at all. That was not negotiable. So I had to work on that one. I made myself a truce never to be violent includes abuse. So none of those things above occurred...not so bad..good result.

So its better with a mix of promises and acceptance. I've accepted life as it is, a roller coaster, cruel in many ways elation in others, sad but joyous, helping others and being selfish, crying and smiling.

A life of compromising balance. Its a happier way to be

Tony WK

[Mathy]

A very thoughtful post, thank you.

[Guest_1584]

Hey WK , It's a way l suppose, God only knows.

l expect a pretty shit life from here and pretty well accept my dreams are screwed, so maybe that means l'm in a good shitty place because no expectations , what do ya think.

l've had my dreams many times over but for one reason or another they been blown to bits eventually so maybe the cup is runeth out now.

l have been thinking about another way of doing things myself to from now on, abit like you.

Thing is l've had so many huge decisions in this last 5 yrs since my divorce and struggled like hell to rebuild , and to saty close to my daughter, all the big stuff in life. Houses ,the lot.

It's all so hard to know and many a time l've had to rack my poor little brain for mths on end and lf l make the wrong one it'd cost me dearly. Went and made the wrong one buying this house, 4yrs in limbo, looked and looked for something l could manage alone and still close to my daughter, hate it here. Lots of other huge things , literally life choices , like things with gf/fiance - now split, whether to move to sanfrancisco , you name it it's been in there.

My poor brain.

So a few mths ago l thought right , l can't take this anymore, whatever happened to my gut and gut feelings , they use to always tell me what to do. Maybe two things, what would l really like to do will it make me happy , what's my gut saying.

And l've thought maybe that's enough, just do what you'd really like to do, and if that's ok with your gut then go for that. forget the rest , no need for overload.

So l've been trying to go with that the last few mths, couldn't do any worse than the old way of mths of thinking and figuring, surely.

Dunno. But so far so good and l'm about 200kg lighter in the head too haha.

[Guest_128]

Tony,

I have a question as I get to know you,

You often say things like I tell myself no I won't do xyz

What happiness if your in a mental state and you have no control over your actions?

How do you stop yourself?

Dory

[white knight]

Hi randomx

I hear you. What I've developed over the years is a breakdown of tasks, short, medium and long term goals.

Financially and other factors like work location stop us from immediate goals so they need to be pushed out.

In 1996 my first marriage ended after 11 years. My first goal was a country land block. That gave me activity in my spare time clearing it, bonfire meals etc. Next came a kit home that took 12 months building. I knew the garden was medium term and a new car long term etc.

In a way we can have dreams if spaced out in time. Sometimes we make poor decisions. Thats ok, thats normal. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on the road towards new goals.

Google

Topic: planning a healthier mind- beyondblue

Topic: motivation, search and rescue it- beyondblue

Hi Dory

Being decisive is part of our make up. I'm a very decisive person and that has come with confidence building.

If ones mental state is such that you are not in control of your actions then its a problem for professional intervention and guidence. Therapy with medication are tools for such professionals to get their patients to remain in society. Self help is important also like learning where boundaries are, asking others opinions etc.

I was going to ring a friend the other day to tell him off so asked my wifes opinion. She suggested I wait a while. Then my friend rang and apologised. So wisdom escapes all of us sometimes. Its best to talk to others what they would do.

But professional guidence cant be replaced.

Tony WK

[Lascrea]

I expected people to be unreliable so I don't expect people to be on time to meetings, I don't even expect them to show up. So when they do show up 40 minutes late, I think 'at least they showed up' instead of 'I can't believe they're all late what horrible people'.

So my life motto goes, 'expect nothing and you'll never be disappointed'.

[Guest_1584]

Ahhh, something like what l was trying to say las.

Surely with no expectations we get a few nice surprises haha .