what if i dont want help

[644Amy]

hi

i have joined this community today as i thought i needed help.but as i read all the other peoples problems i feel as if im just being a winger as my problems seem very small in comparison.

I am a transgender girl and

i am just feeling very alone on my journey.i get very sad and have thoughts of harming myself and im supposed to ask for help when this happens,but at that time help is the last thing im going to ask for.

Is there a solution to this problem.

Regards Amy.

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.


 

[644Amy]

To Neil Jeoff and Tony.

I would like to thank you for your support and all your kind words.  Would also like to say sorry for causing you all any distress, it was not my intentions. I failed to see that we are all the same and we all have our own troubles and it is not fair for me to put this pressure on you all.

I will try to keep posting but be more possitive in my words.maybe i need to email beyondblue direct with my problems.

Thankyu again Amy.xx

[Neil_1]

Dear Amy

On this site, there’s an unwritten rule and that is:  “No one needs ever to apologise”.  So while I appreciate your lovely latest post and the kindness you extended to myself, Geoff and Tony – it’s absolutely 100% ok.  We are just genuinely concerned for you and your welfare at this time – especially when someone is expressing the worst of intentions. 

We don’t want to ever have anything like this happen “on our watch”.  So we will do absolutely everything in our power to try to make things better and more importantly, try to help to steer things away from the worst – and it’s a natural reaction to be extremely concerned if someone is in a deep dark place and all signs of hope are gone.  We’ve gotta just try to ‘light the wick of hope’ and to try and get a flicker going there for you.

So please, no need to apologise, but all we require is for you to continue posting.  Unload, vent, or basically anything (I guess, within the guidelines of B.B.) and you know we’ll be here.

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Amy, I ditto Neil's exact words even to the commas and full stops. lol

When someone writes any comment stipulating that they have had enough, then all of our ears prick up, it's called instinct, and your not the first by anyway, as I have been on this site for 10 years give or take a few seconds, and you won't be the last, but at this moment our concern is for you.

You're right ' we are not all the same and we all have our own troubles', true, but then two people can never be the same, and you are not putting any pressure on us, if this did happen then we wouldn't respond to those urgently needing our help.

Now again as Neil said, you are not out of the woods, so please keep posting, as we have undertaken this voluntary role, just as the many other people have, to join this site and help out the very best we can, and remember we have all been through hell ourselves struck down by massive depression for many years, and suffered the relapses and recovery's again and again, that's why we want to assist you.

If I can say you have a bit to go, so fire away. Geoff.

[white knight]

Hi Amy, hope you are feeling better since writing here.

We all have individual ways of how we reach out to help others. One day, I hope you have recovered through this latest ordeal and can be a very important link in someone elses chain- to help them go through what you are experiencing.

So among the arrows to my bow, so to speak, is some youtube videos that could, change your life....because thats what they did for me. I started listening to Maharaji (real name Prem Rawat) 26 years ago now...and I'm still listening. And its not religion.

Please listen to one or two of his videos for me and tell me what you think.

Simply Google  Maharaji sunset

Then all his other videos are on the right hand side of the page.

"Sunset " is my favourite. Once when I had a tape of it I took it to the highest hill near me and played it while I watch that sunset, that took 2 hours to set. I listened to the birds, felt the heat on my face and knew my tears wouldnt stop.

My soul was cleansed that day. And peace entered my life.

From then on I had changed. I began to realise that some humans are oxygen thieves, that others are wonderful, some are misinterpreted, others cruel.....but me...I am worthy of living a happy life regardless of the hurdles and the ordeals.

I found ME. and never looked back.

I also found positivity because it comes when you find yourself as it is partly contagious. It's like a snowball gathering volume. Without this snowball of energy I wouldnt be here talking to you. I wouldnt have my beautiful daughter now 25yo, my lovely wife of 4 years and they wouldnt have me.

We wouldnt have you, nor you us.

Finding yourself can be a tremendously satisfying experience. A journey of discovery. That cup could be half full not half empty.

Hope you like "Sunset"

Tony wK

[644Amy]

hi friends

thankyou again for your thoughts.i dont realy know what to say now ,my thoughts have not changed but i have had a good day yesterday with my 2 boys and our work christmas party today where i was able to be Amy.It was the first time my workmates have seen me as amy and it was terrifying ,i am a very strong minded person and i think i have a lot of courage to step out into my world as amy.i was out of breath as i was getting ready but i assume that is anxiety.i think i am on my way out of this black hole,i know its going to be a long road.but even when im enjoying myself i still always have the same thought in my head in the background so maybe i just need to stay busy to keep my demons away.

Amy 

[Neil_1]

Dear Amy

You’ve done it again.  “Done what?”, I hear you ask.   You’ve taken a monumental and even a gigantic step forward and by the sound of it, have done it beautifully.  By attending your work christmas party where you were able to be Amy.  And you say you think you’ve got a lot of courage – damn straight you have;   abso-bloody-lootely, you’ve got courage in bucket loads.   I can so understand you having that ‘out of breath’ feeling as you were getting ready, but what an amazing positive thing you’ve done.

How did you feel once you were there and the party was in full swing?   All good and that you were comfortable, etc?

Do you have much or anything planned for Christmas day??

Great to hear that you had a top time with your boys as well.

Yes, busy-ness is the key for keeping the mind occupied.

Kind regards

Neil

[644Amy]

Hi Neil

The party was at the local sports club so i had to walk through all the familys as i arrived which is always terrifying for me, there is no reason for it to be, but it is.

as i walked in the room everyone said hi amy togeher which was very nice and made me feel very comfortable. I felt like i should do all night.

I am Hoping i will be ok for christmas day, im having breakfast with my ex and boys,then going to my brothers for lunch and my tgirl friends for dinner.so as long as i do all that i will be fine.As long as i dont think about me not being with my family at night time i will be fine.i will force myself to go to my friends if need be as i do not want to be alone that night.for obvious reasons.

Amy.

[644Amy]

Hi friends

Due to circumstances i cannot control i am going to have to leave this forum,and move my thoughts and feelings to another.

I wish to say thankyou again for all your help,

Regards Amy.

[white knight]

Hi Amy,

Gee how great is that. I'm stoked for you.

Us with mental illness learn quickly to leave the naive and immature judgemental people to themselves and select carefully who we associate with. This is for obvious reasons but to protect ourselves is on top of the list.

You've handled yourself well and the group welcomed you as Amy. This is sooooo significant. Be ready for the guy or girl that tries to knock you down.  Then jump right up again. This technique, if mastered, will save you a lot of hurt and depression. The less time spent dwelling on comments or bas attitudes the better.

For they dont realise what they do.

Tony WK

[geoff]

dear Amy, firstly can I say that we are all proud of you for what you have accomplished and if we say it must have been hard, well it's much more than that, and secondly can I say that we are so pleased that you havestayed on this site and keep talking to us, because what most happens is that people come and get our opinions but then they disappear and we don't hear from them again, and this is sad on our part, because we endeavour to help everyone who comes to the site, so thank you for doing this.

It doesn't matter whether your black, blue or orange is of no concern to us because we have a purpose here and that's what we try and do, sometimes it's not easy and sometimes it maybe is, but it's a challenge to us, just like this has been an enormous one for you, but you are slowly gaining the strength that you need, but wait, not quite out of the woods yet, and I say this in a nice way.

To go to this party was something that you couldn't have done awhile ago, but you have achieved it with success. Geoff.