what if i dont want help

[644Amy]

hi

i have joined this community today as i thought i needed help.but as i read all the other peoples problems i feel as if im just being a winger as my problems seem very small in comparison.

I am a transgender girl and

i am just feeling very alone on my journey.i get very sad and have thoughts of harming myself and im supposed to ask for help when this happens,but at that time help is the last thing im going to ask for.

Is there a solution to this problem.

Regards Amy.

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.


 

[mirimay]

hi

644Amy 

It is my belief  that everyone deserves to feel accepted and happy. I can imagine that at times being a transgender would be very confusing and draining for anyone, so feeling sad or alone on this journey is completely understandable. Everyone deserves to seek help and support if they are feeling unwell in any way. 

To me, your problems seem pretty big, but manageable. I don't feel it is necessary to compare your problems with that of other people. You are who you are and you need to cherish that. Everyone has a different reason for experiencing feelings depression and/or anxiety and once again I need to stress that you deserve help irrespective of the other problems people are facing.

I'm sure that you would want to feel better and while it is proven that medical help/psychological assistance can alleviate the symptoms of a mental illness, there are other people out there who can help. If you want to find a way to alleviate your feelings of sadness loneliness or self-harm then asking for help is the first step to achieve this. To me, asking for help is the only solution out there.

Remember you don't have to consult a doctor or a psychologist. You can also seek help and support from close friends and family and I encourage you to keep communicating on this forum. 

Best of luck, Mirimay

[Neil_1]

Hi Amy

Welcome to Beyond Blue and I really do thank you for coming here and providing your post.  Your post is as important as everyone else’s – you know why?  Because it’s about you – and YOU are important.   On here there’s no judgment passed, but there is plenty of advice, warmth, caring and above all, support.  And from your post, you do need our support.

To me, it sounds like you’ve got no-one who you can talk to or confide in?  Is that a good guess?

I will say here, that if you get to the stage where you are thinking of self-harming, it is so important that you reach out – and while it’s great to do that here, it’s never instantaneous;  may I suggest that if you get to that stage, to please call the number at the top of each page:  1300 22 4636 – it’s the Beyond Blue hotline crisis number.

I’ll ask just one more question before I send this off – have you been able to get along to see a GP or the like in recent times??

Amy, would love to hear back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

Ps:  I’ve just seen that Mirimay has responded to you and a wonderful response it was too.

[644Amy]

Hi Mirimay

thankyou for your lovely response, i also feel that responding to others on here is a big help,takes my mind off my own issues.Amy.

[644Amy]

HI Neil

thankyou for your response.

Thats a problem i do have as i feel im not important,im not needed by anyone.

I do have family and friends to talk to but i cant talk to them about this issue,as i feel then they will know, and once they know they will always be thinking am i going to do something today.i dont want them to worry about me and be thinking that.

I have been seeing a psychologist for the past 6 months but i find it hard to talk to him about it honestly as if im honest he might contact someone to come and get me ? .He does know i had planned to harm myself.

Regards Amy.

[Neil_1]

Hi Amy

Then this is SO IMPORTANT then if you feel you can't talk to others at this time, to talk here.  It's anonymous, so no-one knows who anyone else is;  BUT, the people on the other end of the keyboards are real and are very genuine in their concerns and Amy, I am concerned about you.

Please please keep that number close by, can you do that for me?

With regard to your psyche, is what is preying on your mind that you feel you can't open up and talk to him about;  or is it something to do with your psyche (eg:  you don't find a good feel about him or a good rapport with him?).  If you DO feel ok to be there and to talk, then really, I would encourage you to open up.  Open up and talk but at the same time, say you're doing this in the hope that he'll provide you with coping mechanisms or things to think about or even things that you might have to do.  Just a suggestion for you Amy.

Amy - may I ask that with both your family, friends and even your psyche, is the subject that you're not wishing to bring up with them about your thoughts of self-harm or worse?  I'm sorry if this sounded like a dumb question, but it will help me a lot with how I can go about assisting you.   I guess what I'm asking is, do the people that you've mentioned know that you are transgender?

Amy - you ARE important, VERY important and that is to so many people.  You may not think so at the moment, but believe me, you are.  I've had these kinds of self-doubts in the past as well - so much so, that I opened up to my psyche once and she then proceeded to list out all that I do, people I know (only that she knows of, of course), and the list went on and on.  And you know what, for a lot of those times, you have interactions with people, but so many times, you go away and think, "oh well, that was ok, but ...";   you feel kind of empty.

That's because for a lot of times people simply don't come out and give you positiveness;  unless they know you're feeling ultra down or you ask for it.

Amy, please keep writing here - to others, which I've seen and that is brilliant of you to do that - BUT, I would dearly love to hear from you again as well - and soon.

Kind regards

Neil

[644Amy]

Hi neil

Yes everyone knows im a transgirl and everyone is fine with that.

I webchat with someone on here last night and i sent an email and they rangme to see if i was ok last night.i dont see the point of having that number as when i get to my end i would of already decided, it would be too late.

I am not allowed to mention the s word on here as my post wont get approved. Also i dont talk to anyone about it.if i tell my psych about it doesnt he have to report me ? I think i have decided to stop going anyway as an hour does not help,he brings up my emotions and then i have to go and im alone again.

Its nice of you to say im important but yu dont know me, i am important at work but anyone can be replaced.

I drove past my family home today as i have been separated for 5 months and the man who is replacing me as dad was parked in my driveway having Christmas lunch with my family.it doesnt feel like im very important.

I only talk about this on here so thanks for replying.i have time to go so im not doing anything tonight that i know of

Regards Amy

beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[644Amy]

The problem with this is i have to wait very long time for a response.if you work for bb feel free to email or text me.

[Neil_1]

Dear Amy

I don't work for Beyond Blue - I'm just a fellow sufferer of several mental illnesses - hey, but I'm on my meds, so I'm "ok".  He says with a grin. 

Amy, is there any chance you could call a family member or a friend to meet up with them for a chat???  

I said you are important, cause I meant it.  You've been on here for a little while now and yes, I don't know you, but you've already become important to not just me, but a whole helluva lot of other Beyond Blue people.  And that's just here - you've got your work, which is awesome;  plus your family.  

A human being cannot be replaced Amy.  Yes, life goes on, but what is left behind is scars that are brutal and for some people, those scars will never ever heal.  I know you're in a bad place at the moment and you cannot see any light;  I just wish I could say something that will help you right now.

A phone call to a friend, is that possible?   Or to a family member, to say, "Hey, I am not in a good way at the moment - I need to see you please?"   Is that possible?

Sorry, this post went on for much longer than I wanted - I'll send it off now;  sorry, as I do ramble on a lot.

Neil

[cuteclaudia]

Hi Amy

Please don't think your problems are small compared to others and hence not important.

As you know i'm a transgirl as well and I can say there isn't a week when I haven't consider the s word. For me, being trans comes with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, lack of self confidence.. and up to finally starting my transition an inability to stick at anything or think its worth it... I often feel most people don't know the crap that comes with being trans... but it does get better, and i'm sure it will for you.

Whilst i'm lucky enough I have a partner right now, but its extremely hard for her to see the person she loves becoming a girl, so for me I know any day I could be on my own... oh and i'd so love her to say... you look really pretty tonight... but I know she'll probably never say that... and even though we're still together there are still things I could never imagine talking to her about yet as i'm sure

i'd freak her out.  so i'm very insecure about this part of my life, but also know my children need a father... even if she's a little different to the normal one, and I could never imagine not seeing them grow up... you can never be replaced as their dad as that's who you are.

What I can say though is... believe in yourself and believe you're worth it... and know you're not alone... even punk rock singer Laura Jane Grace lost her partner after she came out and also feels the same thing you do... I don't think I've ever come across one transgirl who doesn't feel alone... even the ones who look drop dead gorgeous feel this.

claudia ❤️
 

beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.