Transgender girl's life and unlucky in love with straight guy.. I'm depressed :( :(

[Heather2]

Hello everyone!!

My name is Heather, I live in Perth. I'm 26 years old and I'm a transgender girl. And here is my story:

I have met a guy who I find attractive in Casino. While I was sitting in the smoking area, he came and said hello to me. Then we had a chat and after a while I did let him know about who I am, he was quiet for a moment and he told me that he find me very attractive, he said he is completely straight and we have no future. We hanged out and spent time together that night, about midnight we decided to have sex. We also asked for phone numbers each other. Then I went home and slept, after I woke up, I tried to contact him but he never got back to me. I was very sad. I felt down a lot because I really like him and want to be his girlfriend but sadly nothing happened after that..

About 2 weeks later, it was the same scenarios again happened to me. I saw him again at same place, I tried to ignore him but he still came and ask me "Are you ok?". In fact, I have been thinking of him everyday and still like him a lot so I kept talking to him again. After a while then he asked me "What date is today?" and he showed me his driver license and I was surprise cause it was his birthday. I got him some drinks for his birthday and we enjoyed the night together. And once again we had sex for second time. As same as first time, he disappeared again in next day even I tried to contact to him. I felt like I'm not respected by him, I felt so hurt and painful..

About 10 weeks later, the old scenarios happened again to me. I was sleeping in bed, about midnight, he called me and said that he wanted to see me, he asked me to come for a drink and chat to him. Actually, it was my birthday, I don't think he knew it was until I told him. I also told him how I feel, he said sorry and hope that I could understand for him. He told me that he likes me a lot and he has thought of me sometimes too. I was really happy about what he said and I couldn't believe that we saw each other again in my birthday. It seems like we have fate to see each other. He got me some drinks for my birthday and we enjoyed the night together, we had sex for third time. And once again, he disappeared again in next day. I felt really disappointed, I can't get him out of my mind, I miss him but there is nothing I can do. I used to be a happy girl before I met him but right now I'm really sad and depressed. I would love to get some advice, nice to meet all of you by the way.

Thanks for your time!

[Embracing_Tiger]

Hi Heather,

Welcome to the forums here. 

Attraction can be really frustrating! I have also been attracted to people who say that they are not attracted to me. It's difficult when I've been attracted to straight men, but I've had to look after myself first and think about whether my attraction is going to lead to better or worse feelings for me in the long term. From what you've described, his behaviour doesn't seem very respectful to you. Do you have any ideas of what you want to do? How do you think you would feel in the future if this pattern continues?

ET

[Heather2]

Hi ET!

Thank you so much for reply. Actually, I still have been thinking of him everyday, I still miss him a lot but there is nothing I can do. I still feel hurt and painful what happened to me. I try to be strong to not contact to him. I don't think he is a good guy but still I can't get him out of my mind even I do know that he might not be the right one for me. I just hope that I can move on as soon as possible and improve my life, I think I also need to learn how to look after myself first. I'm confused, I don't know what I should do if same situation happens again to me in the future, especially is same person (him) again...

Heather

[Paul]

Hi Heather,

Welcome from me as well!

As ET and you have both said, you don't think he is a good guy. I get the feeling you both want different things. He seems to want a few nights of fun and sex, but you are sensitive and emotional and are looking for something more meaningful.

I like how you are able to express how you feel about what's happening, I think that really helps in situations where you have feelings for someone who isn't looking for what you are looking for.

No one knows what will happen in the future, but I am pretty sure that this experience will help you for the next time you meet someone.

In case you see this man again you might like to think about whether you would like to tell him you can't see him anymore or tell him how you feel or not have a conversation with him. It might be worth exploring that in your mind so you are prepared if you do see him.

Take care Heather, I know it hurts when we get attached to someone but they don't seem to want what we want. It hurts a lot, but it gets better and the hurt changes into an experience that helps us in the future.

Paul xx

[Heather2]

Hi Paul,

Thank you so much for your sharing xxx,

I'm really sensitive and emotional as you said, so even now I still feel hurt and painful about what happened. I promised myself that I have to try my best to be strong everyday but sometimes I still feel sad really, however I have to move on and look after myself. I'm confusing, I don't really know what I am going to do if I chance to meet him again in the future...

Thank you so much again for your understanding about how I really feel,

Heather

[Paul]

Hi Heather.

It's OK not to be strong and it's OK to just let the hurt and pain stay for a while. Sometimes we need to just let our emotions be there for some time without trying to be strong, that way we can understand them better.

It sounds like it's difficult to think about what you might do if you see him again. When you are feeling relaxed, maybe have a bath or be in a quiet place for a while, can you tell your mind that it's OK to have a think about what you would say or do if you see him? Combined with not having to be strong about how you feel at the moment you might find it easier to have a plan in your mind.

I hope this helps. Stay in touch and feel free to write about how you're feeling.

Hugs

Paul xx

[Heather2]

Hi Paul xxx,

Hope you had a great day and thanks heaps for your continued support xxx,

I feel a bit better today, I had a busy day at work and got a new hair cut. I love being busy because I could think less about something else.

About our story between me and him, actually I still don't know what happens if I chance to meet him again. I need more time to think about it, I'm just confused and I'm feeling like I'm going to chat to him if I see him again in the future. I'm not really sure what I should do Paul, I do like him a lot and want to be his girlfriend but there is nothing I can do really cause I understand relationship always starts from 2 sides. I'm thinking about we just should be friends together.

Heather

[geoff]

dear Heather, what has been said to you by Paul and ET has been very good, so can I just add onto their comments and say that I think he's just using you so he can have sex, because if he loved you then he would be in contact on a daily basis, going out together, seeing a movie, going for long drives, having dinner together and enjoying each other's company, but after you both have had sex he just gets up and leaves, and that's not would normally happen, because you would lay in bed and talk about what to do next, plan future events and so on.

It is sad when you love someone but they only want to use you for their own pleasures and not call, ring or find out how you are going, so unfortunately love doesn't go just one way it needs two people to love each other.

I can only say how sorry I feel for you, because no one should ever be used, and boy I've had my fair share of my brother in law using me for his own financial benefits, owing me a lot of money, different cases but circumstances are the same. Geoff. x

[Heather2]

Hello Geoff,

Thank you so much for your understanding about how I feel,

I do feel hurt when I was used by a guy who I really like and want to be his girlfriend but sadly I couldn't do anything. Just one thing I always wonder why he kept saying that he finds me attractive, he also said that he likes me a lot too and told me to stop meeting the people and etc for last few times we have been together in the person, but next days he just disappeared and never got back to me even I tried hard to contact to him. I just feel sad whenever I remembered what he said to me even I do know he might not be the right one for me. I think I need to move on and just let him go, it's hard to forget someone who you really like but sometimes you need to accept what the truth is in this life... I feel sorry for your story as well, it's sad when we are used by someone, I just hope you to get better soon.

Have a great weekend,

Heather

[geoff]

dear Heather, thanks for your reply.

Can I say that what he says to you is only to keep being interested in him, I'm no way doubting your personality or looks, because I'm sure you come through with flying colours, but he's just keeping you on a string, in other words, when he sees you he wants to have sex with you, that's it, because there is no other contact what's so ever.

That's not love, that's just being used and that's not what you are after, you are wanting to find someone who will continually love you, and not use you every now and then only when he wants to.

I think you need to leave him, and remember if you see him he will give you all the accolades needed just to have sex with you, and I'm sure that's not what you are after. Geoff. x