Separation Anxiety

[Alumian]

Hi everyone, a bit about me before I start: I'm 22, gay and I've had this problem pretty much for as long as I can remember. So as the title of the thread suggests, I suffer from separation anxiety and to say the least, I'm extremely worried that it's going to damage or even cost me my relationship. I've recently found an amazing and supportive guy and I've discussed my problem with him and he's reassured me that he's going to help me any time I have any kind of anxiety related thoughts. This is my fourth relationship now and it just doesn't seem to be getting any better. Long story short, times when I'm not around him I start thinking stupid things that make no sense like he's angry at me (despite him just saying he loves me) or that he's in danger (for example, when he drives back to his house after seeing me, but it also happens in situations where I know he's perfectly safe such as him just going to the shops with his family). He wants me to tell him when ever I feel like this but I'm afraid that one day he's just going to say he's had enough, despite him saying he's never going to leave me just because I love him and care about him that much. I suppose the easiest way I can summarise my anxiety is I'm perpetually afraid that I'm going to lose him.

I have previously seen a psychologist about it when I was in my previous relationship and we -thought- that I had gotten over it so we concluded our sessions together, but it turns out that I just fell out of love with that guy so the problem wasn't really solved. But it's odd because sometimes I'm perfectly alright, for example when he's at work or when I'm at work, I don't have any anxiety related feelings what so ever.

Things that I tend to do which are triggered by my anxiety are things like, first of all like I said, thinking illogical thoughts, I find myself with an upset stomach, panicking and getting very emotional to the point where sometimes I just feel like crying just because he's not there.

So for obvious reasons, you can see why I want to get to the bottom of this.

Can anyone give me any pointers to coping with separation anxiety?

[Doolhof]

Hi Alumian,

Have you thought of returning for more assistance from a psychologist regarding your separation anxiety? Did you psychologist give you coping strategies when you first went to sim him/her? Can you put some of those in to place again?

When you start to feel anxious and you thinking runs away with you, can you try to stop your thoughts and consider what the truth is in the thoughts? You already seem to realise the thoughts are irrational, so can you tell yourself that and change these thoughts to something more pleasant?

Look at some of the other posts under anxiety and you might find some great ways to combat your emotions and thoughts.

Have you looked up how to beat anxiety on the net? There are so many great sites. Beyond Blue has information on anxiety as well. Some of that might help you.

Try to believe that your new partner does love you and wants to help you, and realise there is a lot you can do to help yourself as well.

Hope some of this helps!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Christopher7]

Hi Alumian,

I can see that you care for your partner a lot otherwise you would not obsess about their safety. I have dealt with anxious feelings for years. In a case like this i usually tell myself that the fear is just my minds way of showing me that I care and i have found that if I ask the fear to step aside and take a few deep breaths i am able to move on with what I am doing.

I am not sure if this will work for you but I just wanted to say that i hear you and you are not alone. Blessings to you!

[Alumian]

Hey guys, thanks so much for your helpful replies! I'm finding it much easier to cope with the anxiety now and it's much less frequent 🙂

[Doolhof]

HI Alumian,

This is great news. Well done to you! If for some reason the anxiety does return, you will now know how to combat it and get on with life again.

If you encounter someone else with anxiety concerns, you may be able to give them advice and encouragement on how to get over it and deal with life's struggles.

I'm really happy for you. It is wonderful to read positive posts, and to know that people can improve their health and well being.

Cheers to you from Mrs. Dools

[geoff]

dear Alumian, sorry that I missed your initial post but you seem to have been able to learn or teach yourself that what you were thinking can be misconstrued,but heh don't we all do this in trying to deal with our anxiety.

I'm pleased that you have come back to check on your comment because every now and then someone will pick it up and reply back to you. Geoff.

[justinok]

Hey mate, thanks for comnig back and letting us know what happened. Do you mind sharing what you've found works for reducing your anxiety? Be keen to hear what has helped you.