Parent needing support

[yorkiemum]

Help I need to find people to talk to so I can support my child! They are seeking professional help but I need help to support them. My child is 14 years old and exploring their identity and gender they want to are. They have aniexity, depression some self harm and teenage hormones! I need help as I feel like I'm failing as a parent and don't know who to turn to.

[Sophie_M]

Hi yorkiemum, 
  Thank you for sharing this here. We hope you have found some comfort in the kindness and understanding of our lovely community members. We’re sure we’ll hear more from them.  
  It sounds like you are a really caring and supportive parent, and it sounds like you’ve taken some incredibly important steps.
  QLife are an amazing organisation. They offer anonymous, LGBTQI+ peer support and referral for people wanting to talk about a range of issues including sexuality, identity, gender, bodies, feelings or relationships. They welcome contact from people who may not be LGBTQI+ but who want to talk about someone else they care about. You can reach them on 1800 184 527 or via webchat. 
  We'd also really recommend having a look through the QLife directory, where you'll find info, support, and peer support networks for family and friends of LGBTQIA+ people.
  It’s so important, that while caring for your child, you are aware of your own emotional wellbeing. Please remember to reach out any time you feel you are struggling, to the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636, or you can reach our counsellors via webchat, here.  
  Your child is, of course, always welcome to contact us too, or there’s our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14. We can hear it might be hard to encourage them to do so, but we are here all the same. But it is great to hear that they are seeking professional help themselves, that shows great initiative!
  Please continue to share here, whenever you feel comfortable. You never know how your story might help others who can relate to what you’re going through.   
  Kind regards,  Sophie M 

[jaz28]

Hi yorkiemum,

I am sorry you are experiencing this and that your child is struggling. Thank you for coming here, it shows you genuinely care and want to do the right thing. The fact you are choosing to respect they/them pronouns is really awesome too - little things like that can really help your child feel safe around you. It is hard when they struggle to open up, but it is a normal part of teenagehood. You should just keep being supportive and helping them in the best way, they may not show it now, but they will be grateful in the future. Could you go along to some of the appointments? Not all, because some privacy and boundaries are important, but could you organise some times with the therapist and your child where you can discuss the best family support system together?

You are not failing - just you posting this shows that you care.

I hope things improve,

Jaz x

[yorkiemum]

Thank you once I started looking it was easier to find information! 

[geoff]

Hello yorkiemum, adolescents often experience their own gender, ask questions to themselves and try other ways trying to find their own gender.

They can contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone, online contact or talk with someone who is qualified but normally these people don't wear ties and dress casually, making it much easier for the child/adolescent to be able to discuss their situation.

It's certainly worth a try.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Trans22]

Hi Yorkiemum.  Continued family/parent support of your child as she explores her identity will make a huge, positive difference for your child.  Be aware that they may explore more than one identity.  In the first instance, simply try to encourage them to be true to themself.   By all means appreciate their label, and try to promote the idea that they should avoid trying to fit into a label - this is a mistake many people who question their identity make.  Be patient with them and encourage them to take however long they feel they need to understand themselves before committing.

As a note, I often use the label trans-woman to quickly describe my gender identity to others.  I dream of a world where people see me for who I really am rather than for a label that someone invented.

[OgresHaveLayers]

Hi yorkiemum,

Seems to me you are already off to a great start. You are supportive and understanding. Those are two amazing attributes.

Questioning and exploring your own gender is a very confusing time, I have only let myself start exploring this year and I am 39. My partner has been my biggest support, he just watches me go for it and laughs with me when I try to wear 6 inch heels hanging clothes on the line (because I like how I look and feel in them).

If the experience can be fun and not embarassing you have made a world of difference. I get it is scary being the parent and worrying about how the world is going to handle it, just remember, if there is someone supportive to come home to, it hurts a lot less and your child is already scared enough about it without your worry adding to it.

The organisations listed by other members will definitely help to get you guys through this.

Cheers,

OgresHaveLayers

[Lenscap]

Hi Yorkiemum,

There have been some great resources here already.

In times that feel chaotic, we are fast to deploy every resource in support of those we love and end up neglecting our own self-care needs. I would encourage you to start a conversation with your own family doctor so you have someone to check in with through this difficult time. They will be able to answer the difficult medical questions you have and are the gateway to a range of supportive systems across allied health.

It's easy to feel exhausted, frustrated, depressed, angry and powerless when we see someone we love hurting, but if you deplete your emotional reserve you may not have the strength to support them when they need you.

Take care and find a way to recharge. Its something you can do and will serve you well as they explore and grow.