NEED SOME ADVICE

[Guest_28589019]

Hi ive recently been informed that my adult son of 29 who is married, has 2 children one aged 2 and one aged 7 weeks has secretly dressing as a woman , his wife has known about this and has asked him to stop. He has started lying, about his activity and has now posted photos online and his,wife has caught him out. The trust has obviously been broken in the marriage and having 2 small children my daughter n law is angry, hurt , stressed. My son has advised he knows he has in his words messed up and can seem stop doing this, he wants to get help to repair his marriage. Im dealing with the shock of this announcement and am struggling to give the advice that they both need. Ive suggested counselling,  ive told my son I love him and support him and want to help him, and I also want to do this for my daughter n law as well , I just dont know where I can get the information,  help organisations etc to support them both. Any help or suggestions would help immensely as I navigate through this difficult situation within my family 

[Picture]

I think you have given good advice. I think relationship counselling is important in this situation. Relationships Australia does relationship counselling and I am sure there would be a lot of other organisations. They may be able to get free counselling through the Employee Assistance Program through their work (which should be confidential). I hope the counselling is helpful

[smallwolf]

Hello and welcome to the forums.

Just to add my 2c to the previous reply and agree in regards to counselling etc...

It sounds like you’re carrying a lot right now, and it makes sense that you’d feel shocked, worried, and unsure how to support everyone. Your post shows that you care deeply for both your son and daughter-in-law, and the fact that you’re trying to approach this with love says a lot about your strength as a parent.

I cannot think there are any real answers, and hope that no one expects you to have all the answers. Counselling is a good first step, both individually and as a couple. A GP can point them toward supportive services, and organisations like Relationships Australia or local family counselling centres can offer guidance too.

It sounds like you are being a calm and supportive presence for both of them. And this is already something very valuable for them both.

[Mudcakes]

I cant imagine how difficult this must be to process and understand. The other links suggested are good. I’m not sure if your son, has supports but Qlife is a good place for counselling support. 

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

The advice you have received about counseling (for all parties including kids who are old enough to understand) is fine, and Relationships Australia an excellent choice. I tend to think Mudcake's suggestion of QLIFE (1800 184 527) is particularly good, and they should be able to either give you advice direct, or list a cross-dressing site that is more specialist. This may be the go-to place for you son and wife separately too.

There does seem to be a lack of understanding by many that cross-dressing is the same as being gay, which is not the case. In fact it may not seem socially acceptable but does not change a persons character or the love they may have for their families.

It is a great pity the need was so strong he went on-line and lied about this. If you look around the Forum you may find others in this situation where the cross-dressing has ceased or continues in honesty with  strong limits.  I believe the real damage would have been done in the rift with his wife, who now cannot really trust him on anything. This would have been a shock, and has left her wihtout the  relationship she had before. You son may too be full of regrets and guilt.

It shows how much she values the relationship that she knew about the cross dressing and did not immediately break off.  It is a difficult compulsion, and assistance may have to come from the home as well as a councilor.

It is quite possible the relationship can be salvaged provided all parties work at it (even if it seems unfair and very hurtful to the wife) and your son stops telling lies and there is a feeling that telling his wife when he needs to is a refuge of support, not a place of hurt and anger.

You are welcome here and it would be great if you wished to came back and said how you are getting on

Croix