lost and lonely

[bluediamond]

Hi 3 years ago I was diagnosed with testicular cancer and had my left one removed. under AMA rules the surgeon wouldn't,t replace it with a prosthetic as he said it was illegal and there were too many chances of rejection so I now have one. my best mate who knows I,m gay and has been beside me for 25 years. recently he told me the friendship was over and left. after I found out he couldn't,t be with me as he didn't want to be friends with a one nutted freak. despite the fact I was getting treatment for cancer. he said he felt I was obscene and I was not worth being with. sadly I,ve come across this issue from a lot of gay guys who just want to make fun of me. now I feel very alone and lost. i.ve lost all interest in being with anyone and now I,ve become so reclusive I can,t tolerate visitors. you all probably thinking I,m taking this too seriously but when you walk down the Main Street and have a complete stranger yell out hey look theres the one nut freak, and everyone else joins in what would you do. all I want is to be loved and accepted as I am. I can,t change what happened and right now I,m in remission. why are some gay guys so cruel?? and no my own doctor has told me that prosthetics can,t be used in QLD as he has checked that side of things out and moving is not an option. I ve been through a lot in the last 3 years most of the time I,ve had to cope on my own. I,ve tried to get help through cancer help groups but when I attended one in in my home town, the lady who was running the session told the group what had happened to me, I was told we don't want your type here that was a cancer support group and I haven't been back. I can,t understand why having cancer seems to make people avoid you like the plague. I,m sorry but its true I,ve gone through this time and time again. if anyone out has the same issues I,d like to get to know you. life is very empty and lonely right now. I wonder how many gay guys have gone through the same thing. just because I only have one does that make me different from any other guy not that it is visual. funny thing is once they find out it turns into a huge joke and they all tell their mates and on it goes. you can see why I,m so reclusive as I,m too scared to get hurt again. love is all I want. any advice please.

[Quercus]

Hi bluediamond and welcome to the forums.

You're safe here. Noone is going to ridicule you or put you down here. Far out I am so angry at the miserable excuses for human beings who have said those things to you.

No I don't think you're taking it too seriously or overreacting. These comments are disgusting. How the hell does having one testicle make you a freak?! You're alive for goodness sake. You're not a freak.

The only freaks are the people who hurt you. Seriously... Not enough empathy or basic human kindness to fill a teaspoon there! Not worth your time.

There are good people out there who will accept you as you are. I know three beautiful people in my life who have been impacted by cancer in a similar way. Two have had masectomies and one had testicular cancer. All have found loving relationships. One with a nurse who nursed them. I know it sounds like a cop out saying "it can happen" but I just wanted you to know the people who have said these things to you are wrong. And there is hope.

Have you thought about approaching your GP or the hospital and asking what supports are around for you? The support group you went to need a kick in the butt however that doesn't rule out all groups. If you find another maybe just go and listen for a while and see how welcoming others are.

In the meantime the best approach I have seen is by the man I know. He owns his body. He was young at the time (20s) and we all worried how he would cope. He amazed us. Humour. No teasing fazed him because he took control. Was able to laugh at himself and his bad luck. Everyone admires him for this. He would rather be alive to find love with one testicle then keep both and not live.

Probably not the response you were after but I wanted to make you welcome. And remind you to keep your head up. There is nothing wrong with you. Surround yourself with all the good influences you can find and let them remind you. There is more to you as a person than a testicle.

Hope you can keep talking to us.

❤Nat

[White_Rose]

Dear Bluediamond

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. I am so sad for you to have had this experience of cancer and then part company with your partner because of it. As for the support group, I am disgusted. I also think that the person who informed the group of the outcome of your surgery should be banned from running such a group. In support groups you tell your own story and only when you are ready.

Do you think the group were reacting to your surgery or to you being gay? People have such strange ideas. I know women who have had single and double mastectomies but no one makes fun of them. I have had breast cancer twice and have received only kindness and compassion.

Finding another support group, particularly one that was conducted on ethical lines, may be a good idea. No matter what cancer you have it's hard to ignore the fact it could kill you. So while you are busy getting back to life your friends were busy pushing you away. Beyond Belief.

If you are living in Brisbane I suggest there are other support groups. Talk to these cancer organisations.

https://cancerqld.org.au › Get Support https://canceraustralia.gov.au › Affected by Cancer

I like the comment made by Quercus about being proud of your body. Sounds like a good idea and will help your self doubts.

Mary

[Natt_xox]

Hi Bluediamond,

l have only joined these forums today and was horrified at your posting, Similar to yourself l had a medical procedure (prostate cancer) in my early 50's and had to fight the battle for 6 years. My saviour was being able to join a gay mens prostate support group here in Melbourne. It "saved me" Being able to share and discuss the journey l was on. You have been treated very badly, not only by your lifelong friend who should have demonstrated compassion and understanding not rejection out of ignorance. Then to "reach out" to a support group only to again be ridiculed and rejected! Disgraceful. l really hope your journey has improved for you! Your post was sometime ago, but it touched me, l truly do hope you have found some happiness and niceness in this sometime cruel and misunderstood world. Natt