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I think I'm asexual, but also I'm not?
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For context I am a bisexual.
Hey all. Recently I've been feeling weird about my relationship with sexual attraction. I feel it, and have the urge to act on it. But whenever I do, the feeling dissapears straight away. I don't think I'm asexual, because I still feel sexual attraction. It's frustrating and the topic is way too embarassing to talk about with friends, family, or a therapist. PLS help!
TLDR: Feel sexual attraction until I try to act on it. Why?
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Hey TrashPanda2438,
Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post. I understand this is something that can feel quite embarrassing to talk about, which is something I think many here would feel, so it's great that you've posted your question.
I am not really sure what the answer would be, but I think sexuality is something that is very rarely clear and obvious. Do you have any thoughts as to why the feeling disappears?
James
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Hello TrashPanda, where you say 'Feel sexual attraction until I try to act on it', the reason this may happen is because you worry whether or not you are going to make the other person feel satisfied and f not then you aren't going to as well.
It's always a fear when you meet someone and become very close and want to be more than friends but to be intimate, hoping that both of you will be pleased, it's a natural reaction if you don't have confidence in yourself.
Geoff.
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Hey TrashPanda2438,
Welcome to our forums, and thank you very much for your post.
Sexuality is complicated. I'm also bisexual, and I've been out and proud for about two or three years now. Even now I still struggle to comprehend some of my feelings, because attraction and sexuality can be so complicated.
The first thing I'd like to say is that there's no pressure to label your feelings. Sexuality can be fluid - we can experience different things at different times. You may have some moments of experiencing sexual attraction, then some moments where you don't, or where it repulses you completely.
Sexuality is a spectrum, but asexuality is also a spectrum. You can experience romantic attraction but not necessarily sexual attraction, you can experience sexual but not romantic attraction, you can experience no sexual attraction but still engage with people sexually. There is a multitude of labels for a variety of experiences so if you're interested to learn more, I'd start with a Google search of the asexuality/ace spectrum.
Do you have any idea what could be driving the sudden disappearance in your feelings? Do you know it could be related to your sexual confidence, or perhaps fears surrounding sexual intimacy? Or is it more related to the person you're with? Understanding the limits and extent of your attraction can help you out if you're trying to define exactly what you're feeling.
Please feel free to keep chatting with us, we're here to support you.
All the best, SB