How do I start this.. I have been in a gay relationship for 9 years. While not a perfect relationship I have had nothing but 100% support from my partner and vice versa. We both had never been in a relationship before so its first loves for both of us. We have essentionally the "ideal" life, both have great jobs, our own house, pets, network of friends. I have had anxiety for 2 years, while it was horrifing at the start, with medication and professional help i have been able to maintain a stable mental health... untill now. Our relationship is not an open one and i dont believe in cheating as my father did this to my mother who now suffers her own demons. I had recently meet some one, was just chatting on line, got to know them and we finally meet. Great person, made me laugh, made me suddenly notice my relationship is non excistant. I am a realistic person, i dont for one minute think there is a future in this new found interest, But all of a sudden my anxiety back. The heart racing, the sick feeling, not eating for days, the tiredness, wanting darkness. Its a different feeling this time, its been combinded with feeling of being trapped in my relationship, not wanting to hurt or cause sadness, but also having this seperation feeling from some one who i only have meet once!!! Worrying if they are happy, or feeling sick thinking of them with someone else. None of this makes sense even to me. I just feel i want to be alone, but is it real or is it just my mind.
