Harassment at work. Am I in the wrong?

[Shwayno]

Hi people,

I have recently started a new job and have been working there about 3 months. I openly came out to all the team and they were all awesome. I told them I am pretty easy going and not offended to easily like some might be. However over the last month or so my manager has increased rude and indirect and inappropriate sexual comments in front of colleges and sometimes customers. I believe this might be his way of taking out his anger from other colleges as like a form of bullying as I am pretty placid. Every day there is atleast some remark made. It has got to the stage now where I drive home feeling hurt and uncomfortable. Is it my fault for being open about things and joking occasionally or should I take it further.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi there

No, it's not ok. It needs to be a safe space for everyone - by law. Do you feel comfortable having a chat with your manager about it?

Katy

[demonblaster]

Hi Shwayno and readers ☺

Welcome to BB Shwayno.
You've come to a very supportive and caring community.

Thanks for sharing your story.
Sadly there'll be a lot of people can relate to this rot!
Not at all right or fair is it.
The more people hopefully heterosexuals included speaking up is how this'll reduce imo.

I really can't stand people being hassled bullied and picked on.
It's their pathetic small minded weakness and insecurities often behind this unnessesary and cruel treatment but it's hard for that to make it easier isn't it.

I think you were very brave being open which shouldn't be but can be hard.
Early days atm but at least it's more open and more acceptance thanks to people like you opening up.

Imo you saying is absolutely fine.

Him carrying on that way in any circumstance isn't on but worse him being in a power position.

Bad enough he rots on in front of staff but in front of customers woe man.
He seriously needs to pull his head in.

I suggest to talk to him privately and calmly but be firm with what you say. Everyone has a right to be treated with respect and has barriers.

His behaviour can be taken further and I guess you'd have a good case but let's hope that weak man settles after a firm word.

The positive out of the sitch is everyone else is cool as it should be.

I hope you're doing ok in difficult circumstances.
Continue holding your head high won't you.

Our best although hard to act on defence is not to give people power over our emotions.

You sound like you have your act together. Good on you!

Best to you and hope to hear how your going when you feel like.

Chat anytime 👋

[geoff]

Hello Shwaayno, a warm welcome to the forums.

I totally agree with Katy and Demonblaster and your manager is way out of line with their rude and indirect and inappropriate sexual comments in front of colleges and sometimes customers, as this is a type of bullying, whether or not it's good or bad comments make no difference, it still puts you in an awkward situation and being your manager his decorum is certainly not appropriate.

Can I suggest you write down what he says and also how you are feeling and keep all of this if it's at all needed in the future?

If you need to report him, then you may have to go to his boss, if you complain to him, then he may take as satisfaction, that's not what you want, and be careful who you communicate with, simply because what you say may or may not be relaid back to the manager.

That's why it would be wise to report him, either to your doctor, a solicitor or to his boss, take someone with you if that would feel better.

Please let us know.

Geoff.

[CalmCat]

Hi Shwayno,

Thank you for such a brave and open first post.

I'm really sorry to hear how your manager has treated you. If it's really effecting you I'd suggest to go to your work place Human Resource department. But remember going to your Human Resource department is a escalation action, if you don't feel comfortable escalating it, why don't you sit down with your manager first and let him/her know how they've made you feel.

Really looking forward to hearing the out come.

Regards,

D