Had sex with my (strait) best friend

[M6100S]

I have had the worst anxiety the past week because me and my best friend were really drunk and slept together (both girls). We have been close for about 6 years and I have felt attracted to her in the past but never thought it would go anywhere because she insisted on being 100% hetro. The morning after when I woke up I just felt terrible, like what have I done, then 3 days later after having the worst sadness/ anxiety I went over to her house and told her how I felt. I said that I wished she wasn't strait and that I had romantic feelings for her. She said that she was drunk and it was a stupid mistake and it meant nothing to her. I feel awful, heartbroken and rejected. Now we are not really friends, we don't talk and it's awkward. Any advice on how to get through this would be great. Thanks 🙂

[Paul]

Oh Hey M6/100S - glad you reached out on here.

I'm sorry it hurts so much. Feeling rejection and losing the closeness of anyone really sucks.

I wonder if a bit of time to heal some of your hurt and for some of your friend's emotions to settle down might help to clear things up a bit and maybe have you both feeling a bit better to talk things through. 

You mentioned sadness and heartbreak and that you had feelings for her. You might be experiencing grief, which are a set of emotions felt when we lose something important. I feel you are getting a double dose with feeling rejected because of the romantic feelings and also because of the breakdown of your friendship.

There are some good articles here https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/grief-and-loss

For the time being perhaps try and be as honest with yourself and your emotions as possible, if you know some meditations they might help with the anxiety. If you don't know any meditations just try to go for a walk somewhere quiet and calm and yake it easy on yourself and try not to blame yourself for what happened. It's not your fault!

Be kind to yourself.

Paul

[M6100S]

Hi Paul,

 Thank you so much for your reply, it really helps and is very useful. Some great resources there - and yes I agree, the more space and time that I give this situation the better.

Thanks again,

M

[Paul]

M, 

So glad I could help.

Drop by again and let us know how things are coming along.

Take care..

P

[Gruffudd]

Hi M,

Sounds quite awkward indeed right now. Time can help. I think talking to her about your feelings was brave, and it sounds like you had held that back for some time too. You are talking about a relationship that you have had for at least 6 years, I wonder if there has been any challenges in that relationship in the past and how you got through those? and, what would you be hoping for in the future? As for me, I have had some equally awkward friendships, one I walked away from because I could never be comfortable with just friends, the other continues with periods of good things and periods of awkward. I hope things work out for you.

R