Gender Identity

[Ash_music]

This chat is for if your having an Identity crisis, or if your having trouble because of your gender

[indigo22]

Hi Til,

I am just going to put this here as my opinion as someone who is a heterosexual female, so not part of your community.

To me it is far more important who you are on the inside. If you are an honest, genuine, kind person, you are already streets ahead of the general population. On top of that, we have been living in a patriarchal society for hundreds if not thousands of years, what we need is more people who are in balance with their masculine and feminine qualities. I think you are a perfect fit for that description. Why not just wait a while and allow yourself to grow into the person you are meant to be?

In the meantime, put your attention on who you are on the inside.

Just something to consider,

Take care of yourself,

indigo

[Tilster_42]

Hi indigo22,

I'm gonna be honest with you, when I first read your post, I was annoyed. I was annoyed because I didn't think you understood the burden myself and many other people have and are living with, and that your opinion on my situation didn't mean anything because aside from an ally, you had no concept of what it meant to undergo gender dysphoria.

Rereading your post made me realise that you actually had a very good point, so I'm so sorry for the harsh judgement.

Before your comment, I don't reckon I ever realised that just the notion of being a good, honest human could outweigh my anxiety over dysphoria so much. I guess my focus was so concentrated on my gender that I lost sight on the part of myself that needed to be recognised and nurtured the most.

So thank you so much, Indigo22. I'll tend to who I am on the inside, and allow time to work the rest.

Thx again mate,

Til

[indigo22]

Hi Til,

Thank you for your honesty and thank you for finding a way to break through the barrier and hear the message.

I believe you will grow into an exceptional human being regardless of your gender.

indigo 💜

[sbella02]

Til,

Thank you once again for sharing more of your story with us. I suppose in your situation, you may find comfort in seeking safe ways or safe spaces to express yourself in. Whether this is wearing a small pin to represent the fluidity of your identity, changing an aspect of your appearance in a way that feels subtle but meaningful, or exploring spaces in your local area that might be specific to LGBTQIA+ people with experiences and feelings similar to you, it's up to you to explore what feels right and what feels the safest at this point.

I know that familial struggles, unfortunately, tend to be a common theme among the experiences of many queer and gender diverse people that I know. But what I have observed is that even one person who understands and accepts your identity can be really powerful, regardless of what others in your life may say or think. So long as there is somebody in your life at some point who recognises your struggles and can validate what you're going through (this could be a friend, a loved one, coworker, family member), this kind of support can be impactful.

Your identity is always valid, even if you drift. We as people drift between labels and identities, even outside of queerness or gender diversity. Our thoughts and feelings change depending on who's around us at any given time. Our behaviours change in the same way. We go through many changes as humans, and this can cause us to pause and reflect on our identity and where we believe we fit in in the world.

May I ask, if you're willing and able to answer, what don't you like about the concept of gender? What are some of those thoughts and feelings that have made you question where your identity fits on the gender spectrum?

SB

[Tilster_42]

Hi sbella02,

Broke down a few days ago actually. My mate only had to ask how my day went for me to burst into tears right there in public. She and the rest of my friends looked really worried because I'm not the type to cry, and I wanted to tell her but I didn't want her to share my worries. I think she's the type to carry others burdens, and I don't want to be a burden.

I know I should tell someone though because you're right, it's amazing how validating your experience can become when someone you love recognises and supports your feelings, but I guess being on the fence about my gender has kept me quiet about it, so I don't have that person to relate to or talk about this with, which is partly why I'm oversharing so much (sorry about that btw)

To answer your question, I guess I see gender labels as restricting. There's also the fact that I'm still in high school, so I don't exactly have my head wrapped around who I am, and so do many other kids my age. I haven't found my groove yet, and forcing a label on myself might suppress an open-mind for the future. Another factor is the stereotypes that come with many genders, and feeling like I either have to live up to them or go out of my way to challenge them, and both of those sound exhausting. Being a bisexual feminist is enough for me. (At least it is for now. Cracks are showing *tired laugh*)

Feelings and thoughts that made me question my gender includes hating my long hair one day, and loving it the next, hating dresses for a month, but in that month being a single day where I can't get enough of them, wanting to change my name but worried I'll regret it or what others might say or think, dysphoric feelings when I look at my chest or hips, but the next week wondering why I didn't want them.

Maybe I'm just a really pissed off feminist, I don't know. Maybe I'm just sick of being treated like girls aren't as good as guys. Whatever I'm feeling, it's confusing, and I wish my mind could just tell me what it wants for good.

Thanks for taking the time to respond and ask questions. 

Til