Gay Teen at an All Boys Catholic Private School

[Gardevoir]

Hello everyone, im pretty new here just needed some help or advice kinda. So here i go.

When i was in year 7 i new i was gay and i new that was bad, gay was obviously a common insult and got thrown around a lot so i stayed under the radar. This one kid in my class always talked about how disgusting gay people were and how they were all going to hell, in religion when we had to present a slideshow on "the power of love in the bible" he put a bunch of pictures of two men kissing with big red x's through them, obviously this didn't help my self esteem.

Eventually i grew tired of this and one day i told a relatively close friend in class that I was Bi, I figured that being Bi wasn't as bad as being gay and i would be accepted more. Nope. It was pretty hard and I didn't help at all with my flaunty gay attitude, soon enough everyone was finding out about the Bisexual kid. Eventually i got sick of it and just started correcting them to "gay" because I didn't want to lie anymore. Now everyone knows me as the gay kid.

I'm in year nine now and i'm still the gay kid, I do Debating, Public speaking, I play Piano, I do drama, I also play soccer and I play basketball, all of these things are activities that i enjoy, but i want advice on how to be less known as the gay kid and more of who i actually am.

[quirkywords]

Gardevioir welcome to this forum. This is a friend,y, support and non judgmental place.

I can see you were comfortable that you could tell your friend you were bi then you explained you were gay. It is good that you felt ok to be knows as being gay.

Many people want to be known for many things not just one thing. I do many things to do with mental health and am known to some people as that bipolar woman.

I think as you become more known for different activities , you will be known for these activities or just for being a good friend,

thanks again for sharing your story,

quirky

[MiaSan]

You are a perfect boy, knowing who you are and what you like.(•‿•)

School life will be only a short part of your life, no matter it is good or not.

[Croix]

Dear Gardevoir~

Thank you for your post, I have a feeling it will be read by many who may be in a similar position, though maybe not spoken of it.

I'd guess now you are in your mid-teens and looking forward to the end of schooling on the distant horizon with other things to follow. So school, no matter how bigoted, is for a limited time.

You said that the constant put-down of gays hurt your self-esteem, as it would for all. That and wanting to be accepted led eventually to your being known as gay. Actually such casual cruelty reflects on the giver, not the target.

Disappointing about your " relatively close friend". Do you in fact have anyone as a good friend at the moment, or someone else to understand and support?

You also say "I do Debating, Public speaking, I play Piano, I do drama, I also play
soccer and I play basketball, all of these things are activities that i
enjoy"

They are very skilled and worthwhile in themselves and if they give you enjoyment that is something to be celebrated -for you. A satisfying remark in a debate, the exact right timing and emphasis on a set of piano keys the ... These are the important things, and they are part of you.

YOU know your accomplishments and who you are. That is maturity. If those around you have not reached that mark they are to be seen as such.

You have already found the section

Forums / Sexuality and gender identity

and browsing though there you will find many stories, perhaps here is some comfort on knowing whatever a person's situation, others have faced it too.

I'm old, if you were my grandson I'd be proud of you.

Croix (who disliked schools, though for different reasons)

[eight]

gardevoir is good and as someone who spent too much time playing the ds mystery dungeons i have a great respect for them but we all know the best psychic type is espeon. so um moving onto slide two,

hm i made a similar mistake when i was bright-eyed aged like 12? got far too arrogant and acted out too much and i got outed and that was hell for a tiny year 6 who still hadn't lost their serotonin already hhh? i was hella cynical when i got to high school but at least i could go back into the closet then which i was thristing to do. still fight a lot w "i was 12 and nobody knows better when they're 12 n didn't deserve that" and "its your fault you didn't know how to behave" tbh

i don't know i still get slurs yelled at me for the way i dress and my fair share of homophobic stories as a high schooler. the only strategy i really know that works for me is making myself aggressive and meaner but thats only bc when i was made they mistook the 70% water for rage and bad choices and heeeey we're very different people!

thinking of something reasonable tho, through all of first reply's trite i like that "as you become more known for different activities , you will be known for these". i've tried carving out other identities as a distraction because maybe i won't have rocks thrown at me if i'm the genius humanities kid or the one who can't stop yelling and i'd be left alone! yet to see if this works but it wouldnt surprise me if i'm not paying attention when i'm bein primarily angry

maybe that whole post was a little overplayed or filled with advice youve probably tried but hey. there's my thoughts gardevoir. (still can't get over your name god that's a good one)

[Aaronsis]

Good Morning Gardevoir

I am so very proud of you that you are here that you have chosen to speak up and that you have got some things off your chest, and also I want to say how wonderful I think it is that even at a time when you feel like you are being "labelled" or "pigeon holed" as the "gay kid", there are so many things you are doing so well and are so clear about and are successful at and this is fantastic. I would like to echo Croix in that school is such a small teeny tiny part of what is going to be a wonderful life for you, see school is filled with young adults that are all trying to figure out who they are, potentially some even gay and can't admit it and they see you owning it and wonder why they cant, figuring out what future they have and where they fit it and who their friends are ......well you get the drift. So for them you are probably very interesting and you are owning who you are and you do have hobbies and interests and you are enjoying your life, even though at a Catholic school everything about your sexuality says it is wrong, how strong and brave and wonderful you are to stand up and say "no actually....that is not true for me".

Two of my best friends are gay men and they have the most wonderful lives and I know that their schooling experience was very similar to yours, only worse in that in 1985 we were not as accepting of homosexuality as we are today, in fact it was NEVER talked about, so they had a real struggle, however, today looks very different for them.

I am so proud of you and I know you feel frustrated being the "gay kid"...but hey .....if it makes them feel comfortable and helps them get through the day by labeling you and pigeon holing you then..whatever....you are so very much stronger than this.

Huge hugs to you Gardevoir

AS