First girlfriend (lesbian) and I'm confused

[Newbie25]

This is the first time I've posted something, so please be nice.

I struggled a lot with my sexuality this year (I'm 16) and have accepted that I'm queer. I recently came out to my family, and my mum said that I can't identify as queer. To me, queer means 'not straight' but she didn't like it. I understand where she is coming from but it still hurts.

I've also kinda got a girlfriend (I'm female) and we met through a school program. We are the same age, but don't get to see each other often as we don't go to the same school. We have been texting everyday for the past 3 weeks and I've really been enjoying it. I told her I liked her over text weeks ago and she said she felt the same. It got pretty flirty and she asked me out.

We hung out at the park for hours and at first it was kinda awkward as we hadn't seen each other since we said we had feelings. We started playing chess and other fun games and we flirted and had a great time. I was still feeling like there was so much unsaid, it didn't really feel like a date, just two friends hanging out. I was too scared to make the first move and mention anything. We said goodbye and that was it. My first kinda date with a girl.

For a few days after that it felt really weird. We were still texting, but I felt we had lost our groove. I keep overthinking things which isn't new but it's getting worse, especially with her. I had to tell myself that she really does like me but I was starting to question my feelings for her. I don't know why I feel so insecure about her. Usually I feel super confident around people I like, at least boys. I still feel nervous, but not insecure. Is it because she's my first girlfriend?

Then things started to click again and we decided to watch a movie at the cinemas. Once again, leading up to this I started getting super nervous and anxious about everything. The only time I wouldn't question my feelings was when I was texting her. We met early at the cinemas today to play in the arcade beforehand and I felt really awkward again.

We didn't hold hands, kiss or even hug the whole date and I'm pretty sure I wanted to. I just didn't know how to. This is the first proper relationship for both of us and I don't think we have any idea how to make it work. I haven't even looked at her messages after the movie because I don't know what to say. Should I tell her how I feel? What if all the awkwardness is in my head and saying something will make it worse in real life?

Help! I'm really freaking out!

[Croix]

Dear Newbie25~

Thank you for posting, I would think it would have taken a lot of courage to do so with a bunch of strangers, however it's a pretty good move. You get the thoughts and experiences of others that may help. By oneself it is easy to be lost and knot know waht is best.

OK, the first thing I'd say is do not get hung up on a label, it does not really matter waht you call yourself, and for some people a particular word may have connotations you do not have, and will react accordingly. This may well be the case with your mum, who was brought up in a different era.

The fact of the matter is simple - you are simply you, a unique person with a lot to give and receive in a relationship. Which gender suits you best may not be always the same, it may be fluid, or can settle on one particular type. You find out as life goes on, there are only vague signposts and experience to guide you.

Important things are being kind, reliable, having a genuine liking for a person -and enjoying being with them, and for that person to be the same about you. Physical attraction comes into it too.

I'd suggest that one thing you could do is be straight with this person, if you would like for example to hold their hand ask. There is nothing to stop you saying you feel awkward or do not know how to proceed or what to say - you may find the other person is in exactly the same boat.

As for making things worse, any relation is two people, not just you. For the nearness to develop both persons have to try to make it work, so in reaching out you are extending trust, if it is returned then you are both one step closer., and that will lead further

Vulnerability is part of being close to someone, being cherished is the answer to that.

Is that any help?

Croix

[eight]

its not too rare of a thing for young wlw asking about how they don't know how to flirt w girls or being too nervous/awkward even when they have girlfriends. remember that whole useless lesbians trend like. on twit and tumblr back in '18 that i hated so much basically sprouted from self deprecating lesbian memes about it

my own hypothesis on why its so common is you always hear how it's boys like girls and they're the ones who make the first move on you and they teach you all about relationships with boys but you never read anything about girls pursuing girls, yeah? most wlw get left clueless. breaking dynamics down like that is therapeutic to me in a sense, i guess.

unless you live in some hollywood romance most relationships don't read minds - you have to communicate with your gf even if it's a can we kiss. and like, that sounds dorky but what's even more is never touching your gf even though you're burning to because you're too scared to talk to her /sarc

[Flowertop]

Hi Newbie25

Firsts are always awkward.

[Kimmys23]

It's awesome that you're opening up about your experiences! Coming to terms with your sexuality can be tough, especially when you're still figuring things out. Your first date nerves are totally normal, especially since it's all new territory. Just take it one step at a time, and remember, communication is key in any relationship!

I remember when I was navigating my own feelings, and joining online-therapy  really helped me gain clarity and confidence. Through the sessions, I learned how to manage my anxieties and communicate better with my partner.