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Community Member

Hi I am at a very difficult time in my life as I want start a discussion with wife about transitioning to a woman.

I have always felt female and wanted to be female but in my generation this would never have been accepted or respected.

I have been married to a wonderful woman for 39 years and I do love her and my children and grandchildren.

I desperately don't want to hurt anyone but I am struggling more than ever with my identity and I don't know how much longer that I can keep my secret from everyone.

Everyday I feel I am just lying to myself and I don't know how much longer I can do this for.

Every time I see a woman of my age I just ask myself why couldn't it have been me that was born female and not trapped in my male body.

I am very concerned about my current state of mind as I can only think about this issue and nothing else.

I started to cross dress from a very early age and only ever felt a complete person when I was dressed in women's clothes.

I am desperate to try and move on with my life but am terrified of the damage that I will cause to my family.

211 Replies 211

Community Member

Thanks Jo for be understanding of how I am feeling right now.

I guess I have never been someone who focuses on looks to much I suffer from male pattern baldness so addressing that going forward will be another issue and also hair removal due to being quite hairy.

All I am looking for is to the best me that I can be so I have many physical and mental issues to deal with going forward.

I don't think at the moment that I can't over come any of these with help and support from the people that I hope will support me going forward.

After I speak with my doctor next week I am planning on getting one of sisters whom I am very close to, to come around so I can talk face to face with her.

I am also going to speak with my cousin and speak about the issues that she faced with her bi-sexual daughter.

I know I am going over the same ground but next Saturday can't come soon enough as I am desperate to speak with someone so I can at least gauge what sort reactions that I will encounter.

My biggest issue is going to be trust, who I can and can't I trust, I have to make sure that any of these people won't ever let my wife know that they new before she did.

All the best have a great weekend and thanks for the support greatly appreciated.


Community Member

Hi Kara , apologies for the predictive text adjustment to your name on last post .

Just back and unpacked shopping . 90 km round trip to nearest shop , 260 round trip for a supermarket .

Was thinking , something I didn't know for a while and it might help to know and work on confidence. The true self has given me buckets of confidence . It will make things much easier .

I have 3+1 kids from first 2 marriages and none ( genetically ) from third . They are all good with Jo .

I think talk to doctor first before anyone else . ( then you never have to look over your shoulder or trust anyone . ) Do with that what you want , or not , that's just me . x

Often a day can seem like an eternity to . take care .

Lol from the never never . Stay warm .

Jo W

Community Member

Thanks as always for keeping me grounded.

I will definitely be spending my time with my doctor week wisely and depending on how the discussion goes will then possibly move onto my family or sit down with my wife and try explain all of this to her.

I have three children and 3 grandchildren, was lucky enough to walk my only daughter down the isle last year when got married to terrific man so at least she won't have missed out on that experience.

Hope to talk again real soon most probably not until next week as I am in Tasmania on Saturday and Sunday.

Community Member

Well back from Tasmania after a quick overnight stay.

Having some body issues right now and have decided that if I want to be the best me I need to change how I live my life.

I have always been active but unfortunately very poor diet which has caused me to carry extra weight so I have made a number of changes in the last 7 days to help me feel better about myself and where I am heading.

I am counting down the days to my appointment with my doctor to start planning my transition, I am both excited and terrified at the same time.

I am having a lot of good thoughts right now about where I am but I also have been trying to plan how I can best tell my wife and family about my decision.

I know that this will be difficult for everyone I am planning on telling but I have some very strong female friends and family who I will hopefully be able to get support from.

I think trying explain how I have felt for the last 50 years will be difficult but if I am open and honest with them about things that I have kept hidden may help them to understand why I must do this now as my mental health can only take so much more.

I will be speaking on Saturday night with one of closest female friends who is a psychologist and she is going to help me to find some counseling services to help me a long the way.

I also found out that I do have access to these services through my work place and they are completely confidential.

Hope everyone is happy and well and looking forward to more conversations.

I can't live any regrets about not taking action sooner about this problem.

Community Member

Well done Kara , that sounds like a great path , I am very happy for you .

Am in Brisbane at present and totally exhausted . Been a happy but busy time of much learning.

Take care , from Brisvagas , Jo W

Community Member

Nice to hear from you again hope you have a wonderful time in Brisbane.

I will hopefully post an update on the weekend of how my appointment went and what is the next part of my journey.

Regards, Kara01

Community Member

Hi Jo just wondering if you might have any advice for me as to when I should start the conversation with my wife about my transition.

The only reason I am asking is that I think there will be a lot of medical appointments I won't be able to hide from her any longer and would rather be up front with her so I can move forward hopefully with her support.

I was thinking that maybe after have my appointment on Saturday and talked with friend the phycologist that I could sit down with her on Sunday and open up about my mental health and gender issues.

Would appreciate any suggestions if you feel comfortable offering advice on this very sensitive subject.

As always happy for any suggestions that might ease the pain that this will cause for her and for me.


Community Member

Hi Kara , I think it would be very wise to listen to whatever your psychologist has to offer .

For me I always think honesty is best . Timing is up to you . I trust my feelings .

Be true to yourself . Every journey is unique and I imagine there are plusses and minuses in all .


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Kara,

Thanks for letting us know the lovely updates on your current situations with your wife regarding your life changes.

I think talking to her Sunday would be a great idea. But do what feels best for you, go with your heart and let the journey unfold naturally, I'm sure everything will be fine as she sounds like such a loving and caring person.

To make the experiences softer, maybe take her to your mental health professional and have a couples session. If you have mental health on your health insurance you can claim therapy as a couple, make the most of your cover if you have it. I'm sure the Medicare session would allow for couple therapy also.

Let us know your thoughts.



Community Member

Hi CC as I have said many times before that I don't want to hurt my wife with what I am planning on doing but I know that there will be some pain for both of us once we have the discussion.

I will do anything everything in my power to try and minimize the amount of hurt that this will cause.

I am hoping that having been together for so long that the bond we have is strong enough to survive.

I won't be able judge where we stand until we have the conversation, as I can't hold this in much longer as it hurts to much mentally and physically and feel I need to be honest with her as deserves that from me.

I am scared and excited about what may or may happen this weekend.


Your advise as always is appreciated as I don't know what I would have done if I didn't discover this forum full of caring, wonderful and sensitive people who let me share the beginning of my long awaited journey.