Bisexual son questions

[IfThenElse]

Hi all, my son sends myself, partner and other brother a text the other day stating that he is bisexual. It appears he wanted to "let the immediate family know". I replied with a "whatever makes him happy" etc (because at the end of the day that's all I ultimately want for my kids) response. His brother responded much the same.

I'm happy to talk to him about it (and have a little) but wanted to canvass others in what I should be considering... if anything. We have a great relationship, but i'd like to have an informed discussion rather than go in 'boots and all'. He is young, so I'd like to at least be aware of things I should consider and understand. You can see I have absolutely no idea...

For example, would it be appropriate to consult a professional together? Purely aimed at understanding where he is coming from and if there is anything I can do to support him.

Thanks

[Aaronsis]

Hi IfThenElse

Welcome to the forum and to get some support for your beautiful son, that is so very brave of him to reach out to you and it is so wonderful that you have responded with love.

I can hear that you want to manage this well and be there to support him and that is great. I am no professional here but I don't think it requires the aid of a counsellor unless he is struggling with the emotions or the feelings of being bisexual. If he had of told you he is going to be vegan as opposed to eating meat you probably would not seek professional help so I am thinking his sexuality is the same. If he is such wanting to share and let you know and perhaps have some support then I don't really feel like professional help is needed here. Once again that is my opinion. I am so proud of you for reaching our for some support too and there are so many resources available to help with supporting your kids through issues such as this, I have found this resource and posted a link for you:

https://biresource.org/resources/youth/for-parents/

I am so glad you have responded with love and that he has such a caring and wonderful family.

You are free to chat here about as much as you feel comfortable sharing and I hope that your son feels supported.

Huge hugs to you

Sarah xx

[Lady_Nova]

Both my partner and my eldest are Bi. I have never thought to provide special support. My son and I have always just known and I just welcome anyone he dates just like any other friend. He hasn't had anyone really serious 'cept one girl when they were 15. Personally I don't think he is attracted to any gender, but more to an intellectual factor. He is attracted to people who can challenge him mentally.

I think we just have to remember that attraction takes on many factors. There is a sexual component, but there are also aesthetic, emotional, intellectual and chemical attractions that often we are unaware of. This is true of heterosexuals also.

I agree that you are brave to seek to understand more than you do, but our kids will find there own way. Loving them unconditionally is our job. Lead with your loving heart, get to know his partners, if he introduces them, as people first. I am sure you will see what it is your son values in them.

[white knight]

I agree with the above comments

By suggesting professional guidance you would be highlighting his sexuality as a problem to solve.

I'd suggest being there for him is sufficient and offering to chat when ever he feels like it is gold in itself.

You are a top parent

TonyWK

[eight]

reading your username makes the engineering student in me start thinking about conditionals. hm.

you should be honoured your son has told you and your family - someone's sexuality can be a deep and personal part of their life so the fact he's open means he sees his family as people he can trust and you sound like a great parent that you want to learn more about him and his bisexuality

i've heard of like, straight couples where one's came out as gay or parents and kids going to professionals to sort it all out and learn about each other yeah. sometimes its an lgbt professional or not but it really depends some would see their counsellor being gay too as having a biased view or "on the other team" whatever that is but i've heard others who found it much more fulfilling than straight cis counsellors who aren't too informed on lgbt topics clients are struggling with

it's probably something you should talk to your son with if he'd like to go. its no use dragging him off when he doesn't want to or would rather just discuss it with you himself. plus even if they're very accepting coming out to your parents is no mean feat so he's probably thought a lot about this

imo i find it sort of counterproductive with the whole cutting attraction into all these boxes for spiritual and aesthetic and emotional and. maybe it was just me when i was questioning but it was much more freeing to say ye im gay rather than monitoring a jumble of different microlabels for how i felt. being simplistic here but sometimes it's tough divvying up all those different feelings into boxes

another org i'd recommend is pflag australia which is for people with lgbt loved ones. they have resources like an faq and an infoline on their site but im not sure of the operating hours. qlife also offers volunteer-based free anon counselling for people who want to talk about gender/sexuality topics over phone and web but its only open from 3pm to midnight every day

good that his family loves and supports him and its good that you want to learn more. stick around id love to talk more

eight

[IfThenElse]

Hi everyone, and thanks for the responses - all thoughtful, and I appreciate it.

The wondering whether to see a 'professional' was for me (us), rather than him. It's helping us to understand where he is, rather than trying to find some solution to a problem - because there is no 'problem', but there is certainly understanding to be had. Further, as I said, he is young. He needs support based not only on his sexuality, but on his age (maturity). It was more to tease out any issues that should be considered that his family might not initially think of. We're not talking about someone trying to analyze why he is bi! This is a third party that can raise our understanding so that we can support him openly and honestly. Maybe we won't need this (as some say).

It would be nice if the world was perfect and everyone gained immediate and unconditional acceptance of their sexuality (of who they were). Unfortunately, that is not the case (yet) - and generally speaking, the younger someone is, the more support they need to understand that they are OK.

The IfThenElse display name is purely from my background (software development), it doesn't reflect conditional love or decision making in this sphere based on strict conditions. Enough said.

He has our unconditional love, and knows his parents don't care whether he prefers boys, girls, or both. However we need to understand how to support him in a world that often boxes and then discriminates against people that 'buck the system'.

Thanks to all for the links etc and i've already forwarded them to my partner as well. His brother will also get them.

[Lady_Nova]

I recognised your username from a dim dark past association with fortran .... or was it cobalt? could even be Basic lol ... programming languages start to mash together by the time you get over Natural ...

[eight]

reading back on it that did have an accusatory tone, didn't it. i wasn't insinuating you didn't love him or anything i just see ifThenElse and think about building wooden cars with microcontrollers. shouldn't have worded it like that sorry mate

i mostly mess around with arduinos which is compiled in c++ if i recall correctly. i know some v rusty python and also a bit of html/css but ive learnt that mostly from trying to make an aes tumblr blog look pretty lmao

ye if you're trying to think of ways to support and help your son it could be a good idea to go to a counsellor. but if you're bringing it up he might be apprenhensive at first on what you're intending so i'd rec if you do talk to him about it highlight its about trying to help and support him as a bi dude and not to make him straight or anything sinister
and showing you're willing and listening for him to talk to you about problems with his sexuality can mean he can see you as someone good to approach

also bring this up with your partner and your other son and ask what their thoughts are too probably. you might want their input too on how they want to help their son/brother. most of my answers boil down to "communicate w people" but hey its very important

[IfThenElse]

Hi Eight, no problem at all and certainly no need to apologise.

I generally agree that a counsellor might not be the best approach. Maybe just some time and chats is the best.