Anxiety around sexuality, just want to calm down and let it happen naturally.

[Marcus_33]

Hi guys, have read many great threads on here over time and wanted to reach out and get your insight on my personal issue.

About 3 years ago, I developed a crush on a male friend (I'm a guy), it was non-sexual or physical but a feeling of deep love and acceptance. We had a great relationship always but this really caught me off guard. I wondered if I felt this way about a same-sex friend then does this mean something more, does this mean I am "becoming" gay, or is it something that's changed in me as I had only ever dated girls in the past.

I was just scared and have since had huge anxiety around sexuality in general, I've been seeing a therapist for the last 2 years and discussed topics around OCD, Anxiety, and they have aimed at teaching me to be more self-compassionate and accepting of any confusion as it's very normal. Even though I have no desire towards same-sex people, I still think about it obsessively and just want to make peace within myself.

Sometimes I just want to know what this all is and just calm down around sexuality and it not be such a topic of deliberation for me, it's also not something I've felt comfortable to discuss in depth with people close to me, I have spoken about it generally but am not completely clear about what to think or how to just let it be. I've also had some lovely LGBTQ friends that I've only known in a professional setting and not completely comfortable enough to talk to them about personal things only because we don't know each other super well.

If anyone has been through something similar I'd love to hear your thoughts and if there's anything that I can elaborate on please let me know (being mindful of word count!)

Thanks for reading.

[marcus_c]

Hi again Marcus

That's an interesting insight to come to. I can relate to that a little as well, but more from the point of view of not having grown up with an older brother. We do look to others in our lives to fill roles that we didn't have when we were younger, or even to replicate relationships that we did have.

In terms of, should you tell potential partners, I guess the question would be, what do you hope to gain by telling? How do you think telling a girlfriend would affect your relaltionship? Why would she need to know?

I think you're on the right track with not trying to fight thoughts, they will appear in your mind just like other thoughts do. If you can get to a place where it's more like you're sitting on the beach watching the waves crash, without judging what's appearing in your mind, then eventually the tide goes out.

[Marcus_33]

Hi Marcus_c

Hope you've been well since last messaging.

I wanted to loop back and let you know that I'm doing well with this part of my life and managing a lot better than before. I think the thing I'm most comfortable saying is that while I don't have any sexual attraction towards men, I've always felt more comfortable with men and prefer their company to women, and I've always had deeper relationships with men, be it friends, mentors etc.

I've not had a relationship with girls recently as it just feels weird, even though I still find women attractive, I get scared that my confusion will come up and women will find me undesirable. I think it's still a topic of confusion, so my strategy has been to just lay low and treat myself kindly for this time that I'm in where things aren't 100% clear and being ok with that.

Anyway, I thought I'd check back in to say hey and let you know that our last chat really helped.

Thanks