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30 yo male, married, bisexual and scared - need help

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A bit of an introduction. I’m a married bisexual guy and have been with my wife for 10 years. I always knew I was bi-curious but was convinced I was straight because I mainly only had emotional crushes on girls. This all changed ages 27 when I realised I still had a strong sexual desire for guys, almost exclusively Asian guys. It took me another three years to be comfortable identifying as bisexual. My problem is that, I love my wife so much, but I can’t help find I am more sexually attracted to Asian guys. It plays on my mind and I find it hard long term to cope with my primary sexual desire not being my wife. But I am confused because I don’t have much emotional response to guys and I don’t see like I could be with a guy long term and grow old together. My wife and I have built a life together and have a young son. She is at her wits end with my struggles with my sexuality. I just want to know if any other bisexual guys are the same and how do you cope? I find not viewing images or porn of attractive Asian guys helps because it lowers my desire for them. But I can’t help fear that I would be better with an Asian guy and embracing it may help the emotion come. But I don’t want to lose my life and my family on a whim. As you can see, my mind goes back and forth.

In short, if there are any bisexual guys who are similar or gone through something similar, I would love to know your thoughts.

17 Replies 17

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Be your Best you Brother and *big Hugs* because you are amazing

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I'm glad you found a really good outcome all the best

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I’m in the same boat, would love further advice & information?. (Not sure if Bi or very active & curious) 30s Married to my beautiful dream girls healthy sex life. No romantic attraction to men, heavy interest in sexual activity though. 

what’s the best way to explore, understand & accept? - I’ve partaken in countless causal hookups with like minded. Not sure what to do getting anxious about it all. 

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I'm the same mate, no romantic attraction to men at all in a relationship sense, however sexually with a certain type, I am very curious with certain sexual activity. I have experimented a few times but never to the point where I am satisfied 

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I’m in the same boat mate, 35 happily married but have a very strong curiosity and would love to look into it more 

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Ditto. 35. Confused, scared, angry. The whole package.

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Thanks for you post Bi_guy (and responses from others) very encoruaging thread to see such support!

I'm in a similar(but not quite the same) boat and wanted to share my experience here too. I am 35 married to my wife with two kids and been together almost straight out of high school. Our relationship has been strong for almost all of that time (including sex life) but my sexual attraction is almost exclusively (and has always been) towards guys.


Around 2 weeks ago I came out to her and could finally find the courage and words to say...


Obviously there is a lot of pain to still work through, but I guess unexpectedly for me she has been incredibly supportive - given I had just flipped her entire world and everything she knew. We are very early in the process of separating but making sure we do the best by ourselves, each other and our amazing kids.


I dont know when I will ever be ready for any kind of relationship again and Im okay with that for now.  But similar to you I am ocused on not losing my family so putting in every effort I can right now; and I know we will be amazing co-parents in time.


I guess something finally clicked for me that unless I could finally be fully honest I was denying my partner the opportunity to choose her own path, and ultimately I wanted her and our children to have the best possible life, so I shouldnt stand in the way of that. It was an incredibly hard decision to make and had grappled with it internally for years but I guess ultimately I knew it was for the best.


I am so grateful and lucky enough to have married my best friend though too, so we truly want each other to be happy, and that has made it ever so slightly easier to work together through this.


I would say that love I have for my wife was what gave me the strength I needed, which i lt sounds like you might have too. I hope my share has helped in some way.

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I can’t believe I found this thread, thank you for all of you who shared your experiences.


I’ve never experimented in person but have been curious online I’d call it for a long time. 

This has been present during our entire relationship (14 years), and I came clean about it about 9 years ago we married because of the guilt.


She stayed and I was able to repress these feelings is effectively what happened.



Fast forward to today, after reading this thread and very seriously contemplating cheating on my wife, I decided today it was time. We’ve just made a major life decision to buy a house after relocating interstate, but it doesn’t feel right anymore. It was a simple decision to make in the end after hearing all these stories, so thank you beyond blue. I’m not feeling so blue anymore! ❤️