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Worried Sick

Community Member


I'm a middle aged mother of two school aged children. I recently found content/downloands on my husbands computer by accident of school girls in private school uniform from leading private girls schools in our City. There are over 50 or 60 downloaded photos from the private sc schools. Although no Child Pornography on computer there is a lot of adult pornography links saved in bookmarks along with the downloads of school girls ranging in age from Kindergarten through to Senior years and only has private school girl photos. ie not from boys or co-ed private schools. The images have been filed in his computer with code names etc. Although innocent enough if there were a few - there are just fairly excessive given that they are tied up with Pornographic adult websites on comp as well. These girls are my childrens ages so I am sure their parents would be horrified if they knew this. We don't know the girls but they are just photos taken perhaps by the inhouse school photographer of girls in uniform on their school grounds. Around 6 or 8 private schools were targeted within our city.

It has affected me so much for some reason. I did confront my husband about it and said I came across some downloads of these images but he became so frighteningly angry that I was a "snoop" and bullied me into believing that I had done something wrong by using his computer. He has since deleted all the evidence although I have proof still as I made sure of this. When he became angry I backed down and did not demand for an answer as to why he had them. In the meantime I rang a domestic violence talk line and they ended up reporting it to Child Protection Services (they had my details/phone number from a past violent incident involving one of my children with their father). The Child Protection rang me the next day and visited me to chat to me about whether or not there was a child protection issue within our house. They felt it was not appropriate to question my husband about why he had images of such despite being extremely alarming and bizarre. After a 2 hour visit in my home when my husband was at work they felt they cant approach him about it due to safety issues.

I am now beside myself if my husband finds out that all these people know - he is going to hit the roof. I'm so scared I can't cope.

13 Replies 13

Darl If it gets to police or court if the system works with the proof you've got you'd be granted custody from what I hear. Aware & hate the trauma for son & resentment aspect for you both & hard to hear but he can be forced to go with you, far from ideal but if he's at potential risk of harm as you know from previous occasions
Sons loyalty to him, unconditional love or god how to say, ok gotta put it out there is it possible hubbies got something over him or threatened to hurt sister you or him. How's their relationship apart from previous domestics, I know violence once has he other times too (sorry I am reading & look back, memory not great atm)

He's caught out so he wouldn't want to be attracting attention to himself (violence to son, police involvement or child protection service coming back)

When/if you leave you could organise police to be there with you

Think it could be Salvos connected with DV so when I find out I"ll let you know, might be able to anonymously get more info which for now I'd be gathering as much as you can discreetly (you're clued up so you'd know that) putting protection in place, organising somewhere to go before talking to him again

He's lied. You know as fact.

I'd be keeping a very close eye on your PC, do you know how to make it impossible for him to retrieve history

Lawyer? At this point you're needing to talk to someone that won't let on to him till you can figure out what to do though his obligation to report this may not apply because you've reported.

Do you have a good GP, if you can get a long appointment presuming you're not sleeping which exacerbates the major stress you're under, you need every chance to keep a clear head & potentially give you more info & help. Might be easier to put the points in writing, print it for them to read

How olds Daughter and how's she going

Sorry untold questions, wondering if son looks up to anyone who could help you to convince him

My heart truly goes out to you Worried please don't doubt yourself you're doing everything right by your children but look after yourself to be able to continue being an amazing person & mother

Oh thank you for your reply. It is nice to know that I feel something is just not right at all. I did speak with my husband about it again today and he just denies it and has now put a password on his laptop because he thinks I've been snooping. (All of it is on his computer - not mine). He's smug and happy because it is just my word against his and he will deny it to anyone who questions him. I have proof though with photos I took on his computer showing all the history searches, downloads and files but the photos don't prove that he is the owner of the laptop. Now there is a password on it I can not monitor it as I have done in the past so now I will be forever wondering what he is doing. Perhaps I should have kept quiet about it but I though he may confess that he has a problem which needs help and I guess that is what i was wanting. He has outwitted me so he is happy now despite being very angry yesterday about it. He has once again found a way to get away with it. My son just wants me to be forever "on watch" in our house over our daughter as he knows his dad watches Pornography. I said to my husband today that I am not wanting him to have any showers with our daughter but he said that I am "abnormal" as many parents have showers with their kids. My reply was that he has never had one ever before with her - so you can't start now. My husband has said he just wants to "get on with things" and be happy and that I need to drop all the suspicion. I will seek some more guidance throughout the week. It's a dark deep hole to be in but I am not depressed but just wish I was not in this situation. I want free of the lies and cover ups. But my kids will be affected down the track and they will blame me for instigating a break up. Ive seen it before - especially with teenage kids. The dad will turn our son against me and I'm afraid my son will never talk with me again. My son happy but wants me to be "on watch" over his sister always and asked me for this guarantee.

You're welcome Worried, while I think of it if for any reason I'm not here I'll get back when I can so if you continue talking it bumps this & others might come in too & I can catch up.

Possible Child Protection (Bloody better be) are in the background looking into this. I guess at this point it might be in your favor that they haven't acted on it to give you breathing space to work out the best outcome for you & the kids.

The following thread is new so more numbers being added I'm working on DV & Woman's Shelters but not sure when but I'll try for today for shelters.
HELPFUL numbers, Threads, Apps & Internet sites. Quick forum reference-in Depression section.

Domestic Violence Hotlines & Contact Numbers Australia | White Ribbon

White Ribbon is a DV for women

Find domestic violence hotlines. If you have experienced sexual assault, domestic or family violence, call 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 (24/7 counseling

Is there anything I can do for you? don't hold back if I can't I'll try & get something sorted.

Does he/has hit you?

I've been thinking hard about this comment because I don't want to add to your stress but we need to cover every angle. First believe me when I say it's very clear you're an awesome mother
If no action taken moreso daughter in later yrs might have resentment towards you. Sorry

Oh darl it's an incredibly hard situation, heartbreaking knowing what you're going through & the kids at this bloody age.

Truly sorry for your dilemma
Look after yourself Worried

Hi darl Salvation Army looks like a good one to check out because they cover a lot of things including Shelters & DV

Salvation Army (02) 6742 0540
big site too

Womens Community Shelters 0432630359 NSW also Vic/Qland/Sth Australia/N.Territory/W.Australia/Tasmania/ACT

Link2Home 1800152152 -NSW crisis accommodation & referrals

Hope you get some good sleep nigh night