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Will I be alone for the rest of my life?

NotSoSunny
Community Member

I don't want to live like this. I've been single for almost five years. I'm 36, and nobody asks me out except for old gross men. I don't have kids or pets and I think about suicide every day.

People tell me I'm attractive but I don't see it. I've tried everything - group sports, the gym, healthy eating, online dating - but nothing works.

I now am struggling to do anything at work because I'm so unmotivated.

Does anyone have any advice? I have lost hope that I'll ever find a husband or have kids, and I have just a glimmer of hope that one day I might not have to wake up alone like I do every other day 😞

4 Replies 4

kanga_brumby
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Notsosunny Thank you for calling old men dirty I wont take that personally. Have you tried A walking club Bush waling clubs these days do bike rides day trips quite a few people join just to meet people check them out then date. But I hate to say this but all old blokes don't all think with their privet bits. When you have been where I have been seen what I have seen Usually that is the last thing on my mind I'd rather go to watch a movie or a sunset. Or have a great feed.

Kanga

jax_in_my_heart
Community Member

Hi NotSoSunny

I'm sorry to hear how lonely you are. Most people want someone to share their life with, and it can be so debilitating to your confidence and happiness when you can't find your someone when you're ready.

Unfortunately, this is one of the few things in life that cannot be controlled - when you meet that special person, it's when the universe decides.

You aren't doing anything wrong. You're open to experiences and relationships, you're obviously trying to put yourself out there with online dating. But love isn't a formula where if you add x to y, you'll get z.

You do sound very unhappy within yourself though. And maybe the secret is trying to find something that will bring you happiness without a man. Get a pet to be a companion. Go to social sports and activities because you want to enjoy them and laugh and have fun, not to meet someone to marry.

Your special someone is out there, but they might be another year or two away from coming into your life, so rather than be unhappy, how about working on increasing your happiness level, just for you? So when you do meet someone, they're attracted to how confident and happy you are, and you'll be more confident to say no if the wrong man wants to be with you, and be more ready to wait for the right one.

Don't lose hope. I can name at least three friends who met their partners when they were in their late 30's, early 40's, one of whom was quite ill with chronic illness. All three are now married, one a step mum, one fostering, and one had a baby with IVF. It might not be what you planned when you were 22, but it's still happiness.

Sometimes it's hard to accept that we don't have total control of a situation, but it can still be made part of the journey to happiness. You only get one chance at life - I know you're lonely, but don't waste these years where you could be out having wonderful experiences, which you could tell stories about late to the special someone when you do meet him.

Yeah , sorry about the sitch Notso

But your doing good stuff too and getting out there. l guess like people have said if there's any other things you'd like to get into too though that make you happy, if ya feel like it may as well and you'll meet people.

Weight helps a lot too, are you still in good shape,it's something we can do that''s not only good for us but makes us more attractive too, win win.

You gotta try not to obsess or worry too much too though, somem l gotta practice myself too don't worry . l have been with someone for awhile after going through divorce but it's pretty touch and go with her right now. and l feel the same , if it doesn't work out l just dunno from here. l'm much happier with a partner but l worry my luck must've ran out by now and l worry l might stay negative .

Think it might be your age with the older guys because in my 30s gross older women were always trying their luck with me too, even in front of my wife. l can say that , God bless equality haha., right.

But that slowed down a lot later on and then it went back to my usual age groups so it might work the same for you and like me ,l don't think it's you , it's them..

But also like others have said , lots of people meet and marry at your age and much much older, 40's , 50s, 60s , have heard of plenty , so try not to worry or put any pressure on yourself , you've still got plenty of time even for kids and who knows what's just around the corner .

Hang in there.

CB81
Community Member

I totally empathise. I’m 36 and single too and recently my 23 year old niece announced her engagement and it was a huge trigger. I have been severely depressed the last few weeks but I spent a few nights down the coast with friends and although I still felt lonely as they are all coupled and some have babies, it was still good to get out of the house. It’s hard when you “put yourself out there” and your day never seems to come. I don’t want to be so severely depressed so I am talking to my GP tomorrow to discuss medication options. It needs to be something not likely to cause weight gain as the last ones made me put on weight I’m still trying to lose and that makes being single even harder!! Even if you have a beautiful face a lot of men are very body focused. argh. Not sure I’m helping much as I’m losing hope too but just wanted to let you know you are not alone.