Wife will not allow me to go to gym or eat well

[JayceC]

I have a problem. My wife works away for months on end. When away i joined gym and modified my eating habits. I used to be an athlete until Leukemia (which i survived) but have put on weight and have associated health problems. Now my wife is back I joined her as well and she went 3 times with me. I wanted to do together. Now, even if i want to go and she does not, she points out an endless list of things she wants me to do and gets really angry if i want to go to gym. She has also started doubling my food portions and baking foods, buying ice cream, chocolates and junk, insisting i eat them and getting very loud and aggressive if i do not. I have been monitoring this as i thought i may be paranoid, but it is in fact the case. Short of just walking out and going to gym and flat out refusing to eat junk (which i do not enjoy and feel sick), I do not know what to do. I have real health issues and this will kill me.

[Amme16]

Your wife doesn’t sound like she is supporting you. It doesn’t sound fair to me. Say you will make time for her. I don’t see the problem with wanting to exercise and be healthy. When she gives you a plate of food can you get up a get another plate and put what portion you want to eat on that or say you will do the cooking? Plan to have some meals together.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi JayceC,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post - also welcome Amme16! I saw that this was your first one too.

I too agree with Amme16, and it doesn't sound fair with these demands or expectations around what you eat and restricting you to go to the gym.

My first thought though was that you mentioned that you had Leukaemia in the past, and I wonder if this might be linked in someway. Do you think that your wife associates you being healthy and athletic with you getting that diagnosis? I know it may sound a little odd, but given how traumatic a diagnosis of something so serious can be, it would make (somewhat) sense if she was afraid and linked up the two.

I'm not sure if any of this is on track or resonating with you? Is it something that you've tried to talk to her about? I understand from your post she gets aggressive if you say no to the food, but I wonder if you've had these conversations before/after mealtimes.

I hope that this helps, and congratulations on your survival.

RT

[Juliet_84]

Hi JayceC,

I don’t know your relationship history but it sounds as though your wife is feeling quite threatened and is trying to sabotage your efforts (sorry if I’m way off base). It may be that she doesn’t feel so great about herself and is worried that you are bettering yourself and will find someone else to replace her with. I’ve seen it happen before where the partner gets quite threatened if one person tries to improve themself as it almost makes the other person examine their choices, which they don’t always want to do. I would have a sit down with her (when you are both calm and not before you go to the gym) and explain that you are doing this for your health and that you would appreciate her support in this. You can also let her know that you feel quite hurt when she reacts the way she does as it makes you feel as if she doesn’t care about you, particularly given your past circumstances. She may try and pass it off but it at least lets her know that you know. And good on you for making this change, stick with it!!