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Wife and I decided to separate.

Npf1120
Community Member

Hi,

im a father of 2 young boys, have been with wife for 10 years married 6.

a few months ago she decided to say she wasn’t too happy with our life and feelings towards me. It was quite the shock as I thought everything was going Great. It hit me like a truck and was left wondering what’s going on. As time has gone on I tried romancing her more and all that sort of thing to no avail.

I know I’m difficult to get on with the kids are a handful as all are, and it causes us a lot of stress. She thinks it would be easier on her own and that I would be happier with someone else in the future.

im not a romantic touchy touchy person it’s just not me. I didnt realise all these things were getting to her, I feel hard done by as I’ve had no chance to better myself.

I understand her feelings. And I’m pretty bad at picking up signals. I will be moving out in a month or 2 slowly So that it’s not a huge shock to everyone. Especially the kids.

my biggest thing is that I feel like I need to see my kids every minute I can and I won’t have enough time with them, How do you over come these feelings of sadness, How do you move on?

ill be trying to have the boys thurs fri sat n every second Sunday. I just can’t imagine my life without seeing them as much as I am now.

thanks for any guidance or opinion.

12 Replies 12

yeah im definitely feeling better as each day goes on, im feeling positive.

I do believe my kids will be ok . My wife and i rarely argue about things and especially not in front of them.

I spoke to my eldest 5 and a half year old and like you said he really likes the idea of having 2 homes and even better that its at grandpas, ( he has all my toys from when me and my brothers were kids ) As for the youngest one hes just over 2 and i dont think he would understand anything thats happening.

ive spoken to my wife about the spoiling and i mentioned we would need to have the same rules as to not let the boys get away with things that are not ok in another house hold. Im extremely organised in my life maybe a little too much but that wont be a big issue. They will have everything they need with me.

when it comes to the positive experience i believe i have the grit to man up and be a good role model for them, we always have lots of fun, however i do bump heads with my eldest he is extremely hard work, but since my wife has told me things about me she doesn't like ive changed a fair bit for the better (not so cranky with the mess in the house and such and dirty kids) i don't criticize my wife in any instance so thats one il hopefully be ok with.

like i said im very organized so hopefully it shouldn't be too mcuh of an issue with schedules.

no dramas on the child care fees just thought i would ask.

and as for the resentful thing i just feel crappy about it, i completely understand this is how it is, and in the same instance im sure she will feel the same when i move on or something of the sort, theres no doubt i will, but until then it will be tough emotionally.

Did you end up having a better run next time round if you have had one yet?

thanks again, this is truly helpful for me, you have all been extremely kind to me in this sad time.

Thank you

Did you end up having a better run next time round if you have had one yet?

Well, that's another full chapter of my life that would fill several pages. After my wife shot through, I was crushed. She left me without warning and no discussion. I came home from work one day and she was gone. I was dumped for another man, who she had been seeing while still married to me. I only discovered her affair after she had left me. I was in shock. My world was turned upside down overnight. I became distrustful of the world in general. I developed anxiety disorder with panic. I was not attractive partner material. I put my energy into my career and my children. No girlfriends and few dates. I wasn't emotionally ready for many years.

I would never advise any recently divorced man to rush into marriage. You need a time for deep reflection after divorce. Consider therapy to try and get a better understanding of your self. The Australian statistics on men in successful second marriages aren't pretty. Women tend to stay single longer after divorce than men, and when they remarry the failure rate is less than men marrying again.

I found that as a weekend father, it was difficult to meet women. You work all week, then spend weekends running around with the kids to sport and as they got older, there would be sleep overs with friends and all the usual things kids do.

Eventually, my children reached their late teens and stopped visiting. No problems, they just developed different interests, like most teenagers. I was 46 years of age by now and met a divorced woman, with two adult children. I had been divorced 13 years at this point. We clicked, got married a couple of years later and just celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary in May.

So the answer to your question is YES, I did get a better run on the next round. The mistakes I made in the first marriage I attempted to correct in the second marriage. Mind you, you have to put the work in and not every day is a bed of roses. The biggest thing I learnt from the failure of the first marriage, was to always make sure you actively listen when your wife is talking to you. Even if you don't agree with what they're saying, never brush them away. You can never afford to be emotionally absent if you want your marriage to thrive.

Oh that’s terrible to hear, obviously a long time ago. not a nice thing to have to overcome. Good to hear your kids and yourself had a good run though, that’s the most important part for me, I also want to focus on my career more and feel this will give me the opportunity to do better at it and grow a bit more,

to be frank, I never really wanted to get married, I had heaps of pressure and just went with it. So to be honest I’m not too interested in marriage again unless I’m magnificently in love.

I have read a lot this past few weeks, and I see that men go through some soul searching to help make themselves a better partner, I know somethings now I wish I knew a few years ago and I would have fixed them.

I will definitely date but I don’t think I will rush into it.

I do know I need to listen more intently. I’m just such a simple person that has very little needs but I guess others have different needs that I need to consider.

thanks so much for sharing, It’s great to hear life is good for you and that’s unbelievable 22 year anInveraray I have only hit my 6th..., Gives me some real hope.