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Where can I get help for the accused Family (content warning: potentially distressing themes)

Soul_shattered
Community Member

I am desperately seeking a support group for the families of accused sex offenders.

My brothers step daughter has made some horrific allegations against him and because i have chosen to support him everyone is turning there back on me.

I have done nothing wrong!!! but the judgement is just as bad for me as it is for him.

I am so desperate for someone to talk to but there only seems to be support for the accusers and there family not the accused at all.

I know i have years of hell in front of me and i know i will not survive this if i don't find some support, somewhere.

13 Replies 13

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Dear Soul shattered,

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums..

I am so really sorry that, this is happening to you, some people are very quick to judge others and start taking sides quickly even before proof of innocence has been established.....

Has your brother been charged with anything?...Is your brother’s step daughter or mother going to court concerning these allegations?..

I’m sorry for the questions, please only answer them if you feel comfortable about doing so,,,,

I wish I knew what to say to you, I’m not sure if there is a support group for families of accused sex offenders...

Hopefully by me replying to your post, it will move to the front page then other community members might pop in and be of more support and help that I can be right now..

Please, continue to reach out here and feel free to talk when you are feeling up to it...

Sending you my care dear Soul shattered...

Grandy.l

WaterFront
Community Member

Hi Soul shattered,

Along with Ggrand, I am also unaware of any support group available to you. I'm thinking you could try using the Web chat/chat online function on BB (top right of the page) where there are trained professionals who might be able to direct you to services which might assist you.

WF

Hanna3
Community Member

Hi Soul,

I agree with the others here that contacting somewhere like Lifeline may be able to direct you to some support.

I notice there is an organisation called Partner Speak. org. au which is for partners/families of child sexual assault offenders, I don't know if that would be of any help to you. Good luck it must be difficult for you!

romantic_thi3f
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Soul shattered,

Welcome. Thank you for being here and sharing this with us; I'm sorry that this has happened. It must be really hard to be going through and I imagine a bit traumatic.

I did have a search to try and find some resources but the majority of ones I found were legal advice.

Here's one link I found from a UK organisation called FACT about coping-

https://factuk.org/how-to-cope-after-a-false-allegation/

I wonder if it's worth trying to find a good psychologist? While you might not be able to find one that specialises in this, I imagine it would be really helpful being able to talk to someone about everything that's going on. There are ones you can see alone, but there are also family therapists as well if you wanted to see one with your brother.

I wish I could help more; I'll keep looking for more resources and try and find something Aus based.

rt

Soul_shattered
Community Member

Thank you all for your replies.

I have booked myself in with the GP for a mental health plan and followed that up with a psychologist appointment next week.

It strange you know, I feel guilt because I have never wondered how families feel when their loved ones have been accused of something and now me being in that position I know...

I am in awe of the lack of support available, we, the family have not been accused of anything yet and people still turn away...

I had such a textbook life until last week and now I have no control or idea about anything.

Thank you again 🙂

Hi Soul shattered,

It's good to hear back from you.

This isn't something I can relate to, but something that I do understand is people turning away when you are struggling. I think it can be one of those situations where if 'I don't look at it, it doesn't exist'.

I don't think there's a reason to feel guilty; there are lots of tragic situations happening to families and people and I actually think it's impossible for us to try and imagine what it's like in everyones shoes. All we can do is stand in our own and do the best that we can.

Hopefully your GP and psychologist appointment goes well; feel free to let us know how it goes. If there's anyway we can help or support you, sing out- this forum is here for you in anyway it can be.

rt

Hi soul shattered,

It's very sad to know what you went through. I take this opportunity to tell my story.

In 2019, I was working as a taxi driver and a customer accused me of rape just because I made her boyfriend clean her vomit in my taxi. I was put on trial and it was supposed to happen in March 2021. But due to covid, it got delayed.

Finally on 4th February 2022 , trial started and on 9th February 2022, jury announced the verdict unanimously. Jury said not guilty and it was over.

Case is over. It's finished. But no one really feels how I spend last 3 years. I couldn't drive taxi as my registration was canceled. I was removed from 3 jobs because they did police check. I suffered a lot. I couldn't visit my family overseas because my passport was in court.

The law has to change. Police just can't stand up against you and tell you that you are charged. They must investigate before putting any charge. I suffered a lot and I don't want others to suffer.

Homesteady
Community Member
As far as I know there are no supports available, my father recently went through something very similar, a drug addict friend of my stepmother tried to blackmail them for money stating she would tell the police he molested her daughter if they didn't cough up, she actually went ahead and took this to the police, my father spent $20000 on lawyers and barrister, he was found not guilty and the woman who accused him faced no consequences and he won't be compensated for the financial loss or emotional distress, it's a disgusting system and I feel terrible for you friend, I hope you will be okay.

Thanks for replying homesteady. No I am not okay. It's been difficult for me to come out of it. I called victims of crime Victoria helpline and the said I am not victim. However, complainant in my case is still call victim. It's ridiculous.

I am the victim and I don't get any help from counselors or psychologist. No one talks about me. I really want to meet people who went through all of this. I want to know how they coped out of it. I need help