What now?

[Gossamerose]

I've had to deal with a lot in my marriage and now I feel like it's all to much!

I'm a quiet introvert and I avoid confrontation at any cost and I'm not sure if I'm thinking straight.

My hubby went to work wearing design underware and came home wearing a different pair. Then hid the design pair in the kids bathroom.

I noticed he took the spare pair with him that morning and thought it strange so I paid attention when he arrived home that evening.

Yes I did ask him and he said (Quote: II could have changed because of diarrhoea or something.

Then  proceeded to tell me I was imagining things.

I don't trust him any more, what do others think?

[Gossamerose]

Update:

he can’t recall the reason for the change of underwear conveniently also said that secret messages to my friend was just being supportive at the time even though he never told me. I wondered why my friend just went cold towards me. Now I know.

anyway I ended up in homeless shelter for a couple of weeks then had no choice but to go back home because I couldn’t afford to stay out.

I told him I was only returning because I couldn’t afford to stay out. But since returning he is being disrespectful of my space ( I’m in a different room) and keeps grabbing me and forcing affection even though I don’t respond.

Im not inviting any affection just keep my distance, but he keeps getting more and more persistent. I don’t want to rock the boat so i don’t make a scene, I just don’t respond.

I have saved some money for bond on a place but the real estates won’t give me a chance.

its heart breaking I’m trapped and to make things worse my dr just told me I have a life threatening disability now.

[white knight]

I've suggested this many times on this forum. Accommodation is a real problem ATM and no relief in sight. Have you considered- buying an old but roadworthy caravan preferably with ensuite but without is ok?  Or renting a cabin in a caravan park.

At 40yo (I'm 68), my first marriage split saw me buy a $1100, 10ft caravan. I lived in that for 18 months while I built my own home. Yes, its a drop down in comfort but sitting at my dining table with my coffee looking out the window I found independence and safety. I kick started my life in that tiny van and I even had my kids on weekends lowering that table down for them to sleep. I'd watch the permanent residents there and talk to them, other men that had been there 10+ years and said to myself, I'm going places, I wont be here in 12 months time and indeed I wasnt, I bought land, erected a shed and put the van in that shed. Then built my home from there. That was my course, yours would be otherwise, but you would be alone and free.

My wife and I have total trust. We have been retired 11 years now and she is a gem. My previous relationships lasted 7,11,10 years so I've been through the grief a number of times. With suicide in the family, bipolar and possible autism recently discovered its amazing I'm still here, but I suppose its a case of falling down so low that I will fight and fight until I'm guaranteed survival. There's a wonder in making it, succeeding and looking back at ones struggles... my ex's one a narcissist using silence as a weapon and gaslighting, another a control freak would capitalise on my kind and giving nature to ruin us and harm. I won, I survived.

That marriage when I built my own home, my ex had taken over the old house and the mortgage, I got the shed lol and re-erected it on the land. I worked 3 jobs shift work to, and the child support skyrocketed but needed the money to buy materials. 12 months later, working day and night I finished my home and 2 weeks later got a letter from child support. She claimed she lived in a 110yo house (true) and I had a brand new one and "I should get more child support now". I was aghast. Her claim failed.

There is a certain level of achievement by making it. Be it a 10ft caravan, shared accommodation or a shed in someones back yard or describing your struggles here decades later. My pride of those struggles lifts my chin a little higher, no one can take that feeling away...

Love our chats.

TonyWK