What does this mean , wth is wrong with me, is anyone else like this ? l need so much space.

[Guest_1584]

Hi bb .

Really hoping for some insight and feedback here because l can't afford to see someone.

My partner is down again from her city , been down a few wks now and can stay indefinitely right now as she's had legal business up home but it looks like that could be done for at least this yr now.

We've always lived really well together she's easy to be around , does nothing to make me the way l am no one ever has really although my ex w def' use to get a bit much which also made me head for solitude but at least there was a reason . Thing is , with my partner bow , friends or people around , even my daughter , l just become in desperate need alone time after awhile. lt doresn't matter who it is or how much l enjoy them around , l can only take so much of it but then l just have to get away for some time to myself.

My partner doesn't understand how l'm like this or why and she does nothing to bring it on , being around anyone after a certain amount of time just does and if l don go off and hide out alone for awhile l just gt exhausted and in filthy moods.. l'm talking daily. Even her or say my daughter who is the easiest person you'd get to be around , and she likes her space too , yet even with her.

l mean l'm a fun person and do love some fun and social time , but then ok , l've had enough now l have to go. With my partner if we're both around all day night which l work at home and she only works pt so that's quite often. l'll need a few hours to myself before she gets up , then a few more later in the afternoon and even after that l like if l can get it an hour or so before l go to bed , just alone time. Because although we do sleep beautifully together , l just don't feel like being ion bed bside someone all night without another bit of a break first.

l'm bloody weird , l've always been like this but it is a bit worse now as l'm older and since divorce l've either lived alone or spent a lot of time alone, Wth can't l cope and just enjoy relationships and being with special people like everyone else. My gf can be around me 24 7 , so could my ex w , so can my daughter , wth is wrong with me,

Any feed back appreciated . rx

[Guest_1584]

Hey my friend and thanks for the thoughts , appreciated.

Are you using your thread atm or , l'll drop in. Funny yeah l use to go the exhaustion thing too, but these days l'm already exhausted so that saves me the trouble haha. Tbh , talking about anything here is mainly just a selfish thing . Writing stuff out even if it's just in circles is just my therapy because one way or another l usually end up writing my own answers in the end .

But it is a curse isn't it , feeling so much , it often just amazes me how little other people actually perceive or feel for things. Sorry to hear of the trying yr , for so many others too this one hey. l hope your getting on top of things but eh if not , hang up the guns and have some Christmas eh, forget about them for awhile.

All the best . rx

[ecomama]

Hey rx

I tried to follow your last reply lol... I THINK I "got it" lol!

A strange thing happened recently where I've been able to observe a new relationship beginning and within the exchanges I know of, I can see things I've been through with bf.

It's like not seeing the forest for the trees when you're IN it but can see things clearer from the outside in without too much assumption. Some things are just OBVIOUS.

So it could be with you and gf.

Two ppl who've been thrown against the rocks a few times in the river of life.
We bring into our new relationships stuff from before which we can acknowledge if we choose but IME no matter how much we "work through" this stuff.

It's still there.

I think guarding our hearts is a big one. For those ppl who HAVE a heart that is LOL!

I can see the pain manifest in one person I'm observing and the other person is full on guarding her heart, or trying to.
She is "TESTING" him to the hilt!
In the way of "THIS IS ME, know it, make up your mind if you can handle it or leave" kind of brashness.

But deeper than that with bf and I then this new relationship too (maybe yours also) is finding the true motivation FOR this relationship.

For bf and I it's to love and be loved. We've had the time to work that one out.

For the much younger ones they've already talked about wanting children. Where they'd like to live, their dreams and aspirations... all that stuff.

Do you both know your motivation for being together?

I'm hitting the sack now, I have an early dentist appointment in the morning oh yay hey? lol.

EMxxxx

[CMF]

Hi rx,

I hear you and I understand.

Hope you gain clarity.

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Thanks cm and thanks for that , l know and for you too eh.

And just on a side note, l don't know if threads are suppose to follow their title here and once that's done move onto a new thread for other things or if that matters to the theme of the place. l've got a few threads and this one starts off with space and is now onto matters of the heart and could end up anywhere else if l keep running it . So if that matters or interferes with the forums theme please just let me know . The space thing is working itself out so l don't really need to go further on that.

Hi em. The friend sounds like my ex, looking back lately her things could've simply just been as much about just the frustration of our sitch and obstacles , as any bpd or such and yeah sooo, lots or shyt testing bc going ahead was v serious stuff and a very big deal especially for her.

And l know l've been doing the same even if unintentionally with gf now from similar reasons. And yeah of course we know what we want have day one or no way known l'd had gotten involved in anything new so soon. Admittedly though it was a bit too soon and so l'm still been working through ex stuff. As l say though l wouldn't have even bothered with just anyone and the sort of thing l'd go for if l was too is a one in millions anyway so l didn't even expect to find anyone else. l was expecting life alone from there. Somehow though we crossed paths and gf is all that and a whole nother plain, that was very obvious day one and ironically they are both very very similar too , which is just plain weird in itself, you'd live a lifetime and never meet ex yet somehow , this !

rx

[ecomama]

I think all you're saying makes a lot of sense.

So do matters of the heart in regards to "..wth is wrong with me is anyone like this..." in your thread topic.

In relationships our actions are oftentimes in reaction to our heart.
I think they're connected lol and if they weren't then there's something amiss in the r/ship.

You need alot of space according to yourself and your partners past and present.

Everyone's an individual so it's a matter of making the r/ship work or not in most matters that concern the r/ship.

I don't think you're straying too far off the topic because I think we're getting to the roots of the topic.

Yeah I think you're right about my friend's r/ship.
She's been really hurt before (marriage break up and it started very young @ 18yo)... so no wonder really.

I find relationships really difficult to work out sometimes.
I'm better leaving it and getting on with what I have to do in my days and nights.
Tricky balancing act.

[Guest_1584]

Threads don't bother me at all wherever they go just thought there might be some rules about it here. l don't read rules haha so l wouldn't know. My threads end up anywhere .

But anyway , truth is ; l needed to be single a few yrs and work through ex stuff, that was the plan actually. Weird how ironically though that's the time when you' will meet that unique one off that's just too big to walk away from.

[ecomama]

Yes. Same.

I think there's a thing about trying too hard to have a relationship.

For me it's far more about the PERSON than just "having a relationship".

I was really fussy when I was younger lol.
Then I thought my standards were too high so I lowered them - HUGE MISTAKE, the worst actually.

Then I thought oh tough, I'm not moving an inch unless someone really blows my mind.
Like I can't NOT notice him.

I had ridiculously high standards by then because I honestly thought I just don't want another relationship. I literally had a LIST of my next partner with about 40 things on it LOL!

And when I had the courage to READ that list to BF, he said "Baby, why do you aim so LOW?"
WOAH... and he really meant it too (the funny thing was that ex demon said No man on earth would be all those things).
BF is 5 times that list.

I had no idea what a great relationship felt like until I met him.

2 peas in a pod. He always says "Its us against the world baby!"

Feels good.

[Guest_1584]

Haaaaa well, really nice to hear you've found your thing then em . Got any plans to close the gap at some stage or? l know you mentioned a bit about that somewhere but can't remember . Are you going over there or him to here or ? How often can you manage to see each other as is and how's all that work ?

All things with ex that caused us major dramas , especially a real future .And we weren't that financial either so with visa costs in this country, just insane, all the other costs ,she was worried about her job there and what if things didn't work out here on the other side if the world , so much huge stuff. Even her two cats , how would she get them over the trips really risky , well l'd just find them a home there but she loved those bloody cats. All always on our minds or hovering underneath. l couldn't move there though and didn't want to anyway so so much was on her too and the guilt of all that on me , bloody emotional roller coaster .

She did meet someone later on but that didn't work out and l met gf now.lf we won't be l'd really love for her to find that someone .

Tricky bloody buso .

rx

[ecomama]

Hi rx

So have you stayed in touch with ex?
It's quite the experience having an overseas LDR at any time.
Quite shocking during a pandemic.

That previous dream man married and has had his fair share of issues with all that.
Clearly my marriage ended thank goodness.

Hence being able to meet my fiancee.
Oh he would love me to move with ALL my children and grandchildren to the U.S. lol.
I doubt that that would ever happen.

Well because he's in the US and it's in a covid mess, we don't hold hope for seeing each other again in person for a very long time. Years. We had plans to travel to him for a month THIS Christmas but knocked that on the head early this year.

He's still working very hard over there. Because of his age he can't work here. He plans on retiring here but needs between $500k and $1 million to retire here (Govt stuff).

If he CAN'T get a Visa to live here then we plan for me to do a part time living there (and him here too) when he retires and I partially retire but I have a financial option we're both working on atm. His family has a number of homes in a Family Trust so we'll live in one of those in San Diego lol.

Love is the only thing holding us together and our plans for the future ofcourse.

Atm he and I are planning the building of a bungalow / cabin in my back yard to get in lots of income. I'm designing it and him being an Engineer is putting the plans on a program he has.
This is a joint project we have which is positive and proactive.

I get alot more paid leave than he does, atm he can't even take a WEEK at a time bec of covid and they need him. So IF I'm game lol... sooner or later when borders open up more there / here I'll probably so the whole 2 week's quarantining there, 2 weeks with him then 2 week's quarantining here at the end.

I don't want to trigger my children though, so not sure.
IF he can get 2 weeks in a row then we plan to meet in Hawaii then my kids might come lol.

Talking about all that is pointless to a point lol... we just talk daily, work on the bungalow plans.
Get on with our own lives.

I don't keep tabs on exes lol but ppl love to tell me what's going on with them.
I never ask!

Love EM

[Guest_1584]

No we're not in touch that was just through a period where gf and l weren't even together anymore. We'd tried braking up for awhile at the time due to her legal problems up home. 3 wks later ex just pops up and so we talked for a mth or so. l think she saw it in her cards as l did, l knew she was coming. Haven't spoken to her since though, 9mths, and meanwhile gf and l picked up again.

The kids might even prefer having some fun with the house to themselves for a few wks while mum goes and meets bf - just a thought. But yeah , all the types of things and obstacles for us too. Unless we both just moved back to ltaly which was one idea and a fraction of the costs .But although she wanted to leave the states , she wasn't all keen about going home. ps , your safe no worries l have zero interest in talking to you about ex's unfortunately one thing just leads to another sometimes that's all.

But nope , it's all too much to ask of your kids especially after ex's and fathers you and bf can just do your thing privately there's no need to trouble them unless or until there really is a need as in it's actually happening or about to they've been through enough . My gf finished quarantine in Sydney 4 days before the borders opened , like we didn't know that was gonna happen but unfortunately her dates and flights were locked in.

Us will have their vac circulating soon , sit time 4 or 5 mths and you'll b back on track. Good luck.

rx