What does this mean , wth is wrong with me, is anyone else like this ? l need so much space.

[Guest_1584]

Hi bb .

Really hoping for some insight and feedback here because l can't afford to see someone.

My partner is down again from her city , been down a few wks now and can stay indefinitely right now as she's had legal business up home but it looks like that could be done for at least this yr now.

We've always lived really well together she's easy to be around , does nothing to make me the way l am no one ever has really although my ex w def' use to get a bit much which also made me head for solitude but at least there was a reason . Thing is , with my partner bow , friends or people around , even my daughter , l just become in desperate need alone time after awhile. lt doresn't matter who it is or how much l enjoy them around , l can only take so much of it but then l just have to get away for some time to myself.

My partner doesn't understand how l'm like this or why and she does nothing to bring it on , being around anyone after a certain amount of time just does and if l don go off and hide out alone for awhile l just gt exhausted and in filthy moods.. l'm talking daily. Even her or say my daughter who is the easiest person you'd get to be around , and she likes her space too , yet even with her.

l mean l'm a fun person and do love some fun and social time , but then ok , l've had enough now l have to go. With my partner if we're both around all day night which l work at home and she only works pt so that's quite often. l'll need a few hours to myself before she gets up , then a few more later in the afternoon and even after that l like if l can get it an hour or so before l go to bed , just alone time. Because although we do sleep beautifully together , l just don't feel like being ion bed bside someone all night without another bit of a break first.

l'm bloody weird , l've always been like this but it is a bit worse now as l'm older and since divorce l've either lived alone or spent a lot of time alone, Wth can't l cope and just enjoy relationships and being with special people like everyone else. My gf can be around me 24 7 , so could my ex w , so can my daughter , wth is wrong with me,

Any feed back appreciated . rx

[Guest_1584]

Hey sleepy. So you have a lot of nightmares , poor thing l hate the damn things l don't normally been sleeping like a log mostly last 6mths with training. But if l het stuck on bad thoughts like l am lately then yeah l'll nightmare . Often with say too the worries l have right now l can switch off at night but that often converts to the bad thoughts instead so it's a trade off unfortunately .

How much sleep are toy getting , and sorry can't remember or read back right now but are you working and if so do you cope with the amount your getting ? Yaknow l read in one of the sleep studies that laying on your back being still and eyes closed is almost as good as a proper sleep.

rx

[Guest_1643]

Hi Rx

was thinking of ur girlfriend if she has it a bit easier to travel now that restrictions are lifted for travelling between states.

Hope that helps her stress somewhat.
How's your space going enjoying it?
Do u like being home and about the house. It can be nice and relaxing.

Hate the nightmares myself and bit negative towrads sleep at the moment.
Back to work soon but a casual so I can say no to shifts if I get no sleep. Not sure how I'll go. I feel zoned out a lot of the time.

I'm getting sometimes 2 hour a night! Sometimes 6

and on occasions lately I nap during the day like 1-2 hours in an exhausted mess like once a week.
Good ol' childhood trauma has been doing me in.

I did speak to a friend who's a psychologist once about if you can get medication for nightmares coz some people are into that and he said interestedingly that he personally believes that if you take the meds it could wor but the nightmares will show up in another way - maybe another stress reaction. But who knows maybe one day it'll be worth the risk...

Til then I'm doing laptop and shows etc.

Hope all's going good...

[Guest_1584]

Hiya sleepy.

l was coming in just to thank you btw this morng , for all your support and chit chat. l didn't know much about your situation hadn't seen threads about but since you've mentioned a bit around the place and what your going through yourself , it's pretty damn incredible of you taking so much time for others , yaknow , it really is. So just a big thx again eh , hope you've been ok too and the best of luck with getting back to work too hey , hope it helps things for you. l find l really need work. l only work pt but l always look forward to getting back into it it just helps so many ways with a grounding again and getting me back on track so l hope yours does for you too.

Anyway , damn eh , bloody nightmare bs , yeah sounds like meds could be a catch 22 , can't win hey. l'm just trying not to sleep until these thoughts pass, tv on through the night helps me to the background noise distracts thoughts , do you try that, l just hope the next bills not double eh. 2 to 6 yeah about what l get atm but l am getting great naps in the arvo so that's helped add a few too try to use those more if ya can , my minds great in the arvo so no problems there either , might work for you too.

gf , hmmm, wellllll , not looking too good , big fight but not so much that but things in it. l've always had trust issue with her, l dunno , not that she'd screw around but in just how deeply a true relationship runs really for her, true morals , values. She's Portuguese Russian and l dunno , it's a different mentality and l'm just never quite sure what say even real love means to her or if it even exists . lt's kept me very very wary right through and held me back. But anyway borders opening hell yeah , she's been though a lot this yr in all that alone. l could go there but she doesn't have her own place sooooo, Everything else , she's stressed to hell and all over the shop l'm afraid. poor thing .

Funny about the space yeah , l feel like l'm ready again now , feel like l could could handle two better and work around it better and we could find our thing , yaknow. like l've adjusted to two more and more along the way which l was hoping l'd be able to work my way back into it sooo, as we say, we see l guess .

Hope work pans out for ya hey , and helps you like it does me. try not to stress you'll do great and settle in again , it just takes time but down the track you end up thinking wth you were you even all worked up about. Good luck eh , you'll be just fine.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Well l've had a pretty solid nights sleep the last two nights.Although l did have the bad dreams on the first night that l'd been trying to avoid but woke myself up from both which l was worried l wouldn't be able to do , so at least that was something.

And here we go again , instead of feeling better than ever bc l;ve finally slept , l've been so tired now l can hardly find energy for working it's crazy.

rx

[Guest_1643]

hey rx - solid rest is good

and i totally know what you mean, why does quality sleep make us tired? Do u feel rested when u wake up??
That is the best feeling

Sorry about the bad dreams 😞

thanks so much for what u said about my work! i hope so!! i had the induction which I was paid for and got to walk around and check everything out. Looked good!

I've never had the tv on in the background as I don't have one where I sleep but I can totally understand that would be soothing. I've trained rain sounds and all that - I didn't dig it but I do like having music on before bed.
why is it that all the worries announce themselves at night?
I hope you feel less tired soon and get that nice refreshed feeling

[ecomama]

HI rx and Sleepy, been a while... there was a lot to catch up on.

Funny enough I popped into your thread this morning really early because I had nightmares and work myself up from them.

I did some really effective exposure therapy with that 5 session psych lol.... oh dear gotta laugh really. She was only great for 3 sessions.

The great thing I got out of it was she taught me how to do exposure therapy on my OWN.

So I need to do that for these 3 other people that my nightmares brought up... they were minimal abusers compared to demon ex and my mother but since I've worked through those people with exposure therapy really thoroughly, I guess the peripheral abusers (new description for them lol) have to be worked through.

I hadn't had nightmares for about 7 months or so. AMAZING.

I learnt as a teenager that if I DIDN'T sort through things in my waking ours then my dreams brought them up BIG TIME.

The trauma of abuse is difficult to work through on our own.

So really there was no avoiding them one way or the other.

Is that what you guys find happens?

Hey rx, I really hear you about not knowing about a person's values, morals etc etc.
Tbh I find that past behaviours predict future behaviours UNLESS there's been some type of huge paradigm shift in their way of thinking, but that's seldom the case.

Knowing someone's capacity for love and commitment has usually already been shown in our potential partner's past by the time we reach our majestic ages LOL!!

That is ONE very great benefit in dating at our ages.
It really is!

Another thing that signifies a person's capacity for a deep and meaningful relationship, for me, is their willingness to share the things in their "shame forest". Not things they share willy nilly all over the place... not those types or those things...

Times they haven't shared with anyone else much or ever before.

This happens with my most enduring friendships so often!

My fiancee and I have this and it's VERY precious.

It shows TRUST.

Some gifts are not tangible.

Love EM

[Guest_1584]

Hiya sleepy and thx very much for that.

Yeah isn't it a beautiful feeling waking up after a good sleep . Takes me a wk or so to get to that though when l do start sleeping again as your body slips into catch up mode finally getting sleep again and catch up takes awhile doesn't it . l couldn't risk bad dreams again last night so l had to resort to making myself choose a good dream which will then go all night when l do that and so no bad dreams. But l hate doing it or resorting to it , hate dreaming at all even good dreams actually l'd rather just sleep , especially mentally butttt, it's better than bad dreams.

My tv's in the lounge next door but the light and slight sound flicker up the hall and into my room and yeah it does sort of sooth , but would drive most people crazy l'm always getting told to turn down tv or music or anything when someone else is trying to sleep but vise versa l sleep like a baby haha. also love some light which also seems to drive most people crazy. Grew up with bright street lights out my window , makes me feel at home.

l hope things are falling into place for you anyway and work comes together to eh. lt is weird isn't it and pretty effd up the way worries can settle in at night - and even weirder how at other times the impossible can also seem the possible at night too, until in the light of day you realize all that bravado in darkness was kinda leaving out the fine print.

Take care hey. rx

[Guest_1584]

Hey em and thanks for that.

l can make myself forget nightmares thank God or even if l'm lucky wipe them clean as soon as l've woken on a good day so that's my go too bc l have zero interest in knowing or remembering anything.Where l can come undone though is in having an extremely fast and vivid imagination so that if l happen to think a bad thought l'll get the whole movie in seconds and so vivid that it'll take mths to forget it - and so l'll dream it if l sleep you see so l take the cowards way out and don't sleep.But eh , l better shut up now or l'll induce more crap for myself,

Relationships yeah good idea we'll change the subject. Past is the future hey , yeah , bloody good point and it's the only real real we have to go too isn't it really. We can see think or believe what we want but actions are actions. She has two sides to that and this is why she's tricky in that way. But admittedly somethings come up the last few days that finally shed a whole lotta light on some of those and l'm so relieved and it's all making much more sense now.

Truth is l've realized l've been no saint myself. There's been ex emotionally , my space thing and the way l get if l don't have it and l'm ashamed to say but a pretty good dose of me subconsciously shyt testing the situation too . And then the poor thing is still having to go up home and back after 2 yrs of it and right through covid crapola on top of it, she's done all that for me and us. Truth is , my ex stuff alone would've had most women giving up long ago but she's been so patient and understanding with everything not only that and yet with so much stress and crap that she's going through herself on top of it. And l've realized especially after just this last few days too just how much she has gone through for us and l need my head read tbh. Well we already know that but def' over this one.

But there's more to it , next post, l need coffee. rx

[Guest_1584]

Anyway yeah , what your talking about with fiance is so so special so true , and for me a necessity at this stage too. gf and l are incredible in those ways and l just loveeeeee the stages we are at in life and the why's and pages we're both on now, but because of all that and being so alike also the incredible things we can be to each other as well.

But ironically though which also leads to my reoccurring same ol same ol and just goes to prove again l really do need my head read. yaknow , ex and l didn't have that , it's so weird . We might've one day , maybe , but we didn't to date. l dunno how to explain it but in a sort of way showing too much was a kind of weakness to ex , might even be thrown in your face later. And she rarely allowed herself to be vulnerable or put herself in a light that might be taken that way either, not even with me. We had other things though huge things, and she had other huge things. But she was you could say a kind of tough person and although incredibly attune far far more than most , and sensitive on one hand. she was also kind of hard too.

But it's weird this stuff coming up right now bc in the last few wks after 4yrs , l realized that stuff and her ways is why l was the way l was with ex . You know, there was none of that with ex. She had a very fast and sharp mouth and often attitudes too that left me guarded and defensive , and over reacting but her causing me to sort of be that way which l hated , could've caused her to be even far more her way in the same ways. l never really found out if she'd ever let the little girl inside be properly seen, no swords , vulnerable. l mean she could be beautifully loving and humble don't get me wrong it wasn't all hard arse , but it's like that was always there ready to pounce, yaknow.

So why do l still relapse after all this time and why when really , tbh last time ex and l talked for a few wks it was all so obvious l found myself just missing gf and out beautiful ways , yet still relapses. The heart is a pretty silly thing sometimes is all l can say and not always the most practical l suppose,

Don't know how much sense any of this will make in the morng that's for sure.

rx

[Nothappyuni]

Hey rx,

I was active here some 18 months ago, you were in a similar position to me at the time and we posted comments and shared some insights. I have had a challenging year since my last post, though I find comfort in seeing your thoughts laid bare. You are a lot like me, not only on this thread, but many other threads you have commented on. For sleep I exhaust myself, work on anything I can find, jog,or hike till I am ready to drop. You feel a lot for others, it is a burden but it is who you are -I am the same.

I wish you all the very best for the new year rx, life is a lesson we must be willing to learn.