What does this mean , wth is wrong with me, is anyone else like this ? l need so much space.

[Guest_1584]

Hi bb .

Really hoping for some insight and feedback here because l can't afford to see someone.

My partner is down again from her city , been down a few wks now and can stay indefinitely right now as she's had legal business up home but it looks like that could be done for at least this yr now.

We've always lived really well together she's easy to be around , does nothing to make me the way l am no one ever has really although my ex w def' use to get a bit much which also made me head for solitude but at least there was a reason . Thing is , with my partner bow , friends or people around , even my daughter , l just become in desperate need alone time after awhile. lt doresn't matter who it is or how much l enjoy them around , l can only take so much of it but then l just have to get away for some time to myself.

My partner doesn't understand how l'm like this or why and she does nothing to bring it on , being around anyone after a certain amount of time just does and if l don go off and hide out alone for awhile l just gt exhausted and in filthy moods.. l'm talking daily. Even her or say my daughter who is the easiest person you'd get to be around , and she likes her space too , yet even with her.

l mean l'm a fun person and do love some fun and social time , but then ok , l've had enough now l have to go. With my partner if we're both around all day night which l work at home and she only works pt so that's quite often. l'll need a few hours to myself before she gets up , then a few more later in the afternoon and even after that l like if l can get it an hour or so before l go to bed , just alone time. Because although we do sleep beautifully together , l just don't feel like being ion bed bside someone all night without another bit of a break first.

l'm bloody weird , l've always been like this but it is a bit worse now as l'm older and since divorce l've either lived alone or spent a lot of time alone, Wth can't l cope and just enjoy relationships and being with special people like everyone else. My gf can be around me 24 7 , so could my ex w , so can my daughter , wth is wrong with me,

Any feed back appreciated . rx

[Guest_7403]

It's just a part of who you are, everyone develops their own coping skills throughout their lives, you enjoy your own company to process your thoughts.

Theres no right or wrong way to be. That's the beauty of humanism. Embrace who you are!

[ecomama]

randomx said:

Does anyone have a reliable way of clearing bad thoughts before you sleep ?

Of course l do things to district before lights go out , but it makes no difference to when it's actually time to sleep , my mind just picks them up again no matter how often l change the subject and l don't wanna fall asleep like that.

ls there a trick , or food , or something ?

Hi rx our man!

Sorry been off your thread for a while.

I had a hellish time through Courts for years and that was after a long and extremely abusive "marriage"... God I look back at that time and IDK HOW I survived it, I really don't.

Anyway lol NOTHING worked. Some times 45 mins broken sleep in a night. Hell.

I developed this visualisation thing of my own...
I imagined a white puffy cloud in the sky to the right (about North East) and the cloud spun like the fairy floss in a fairy floss machine.
As the cloud was spinning, and if I thought of a horror thought or ANY dark or negative thought, the cloud would suck it straight out of my mind.

As each thought was sucked into the cloud it became a little greyer.... a little more dark as my clouds were going up there.
If I thought the same thought AGAIN then the cloud sucked harder, as the cloud spun faster....

Eventually as all thoughts were sucked out of my mind... the cloud became dark grey and it floated slowly over to the North West.

The only words I said to myself were "and I leave it there".

I've used other pre-requisite techniques to this one in the years before, let me know if you want those too?

Please be disciplined in ANY technique you try. Keep it up for a week or more because successful things only come with this rewiring of your brain and building new neural pathways for you to exercise.
It's like getting a SIX PACK for your brain lol.
It takes repeated work and discipline.

You LITERALLY want to become SO proficient at the techniques you choose that your old habits are synaptically PRUNED away. And they do disappear.

But only with focussed discipline.

This year Dr Joe Dispenza puts me to sleep in about 5 mins LOL! But I don't need the help any more or atm which is awesome.

Love EM

[ecomama]

randomx said:

l've had revelations just this last few days with all this space thing and living alone again now. l can't do much about the space thing if l live with someone , l still need it still have to have it,

But l do prefer being with someone than to living alone and l do love and prefer mostly too, partnered life. Soooo, l think that best l can do is as l've always done only keep trying to do a bit better job at it , and to work it into a relationship . That's always been a lot easier said than done bc over time even when the other one knows all about your space thing , they begin to feel more alone than together and stuff starts coming back at you like , you don't wanna be around me , you don't like being with me, l drive you away , and lots more , l've had it all.

lt's not like that at all though , l love all that or l wouldn't be in it. but l just can't do 24 7 in your face well , when your both home anyway. l need breaks . Strange really for me it's always been women can do 24 7 but l can't. l know , of course it'd really help to have a spacey partner wouldn't it , it's just never happened combined with the rest of the combo needed between two people.

Buttttt, at least l've realized , once again it's happened before , that l def' prefer a partnered life,

rx

Hey rx!

I think this is MARKED PROGRESS!
As in, you know what you want!

Please don't be all anxious about it. This relationship doesn't HAVE to be the same as the others.

BF and I spoke about this today lol.... it's ONE thing to tell someone you love them and another thing entirely for them to FEEL loved.
That's a mix of many things and I KNOW you can do it.

I know for sure that when my BF is all 100% on an engineering design he's on to... it's difficult for me to break through this to feel heard or whatever.
That's all I have to say.
He's been married before lol.
Now he can switch off for a while, talk, engage etc.
He knows WHAT to say and do to make sure I feel very loved. Adored. Cherished lol.

But he's extremely creative so it's like breathing for him to be able to live in that creative world by himself. And I love this about him. He's so clever.

So we're getting great understandings of what each other needs IN the relationship and personally.

I think those revelations of yours are awesome rx.

Love EM

[Guest_1584]

Hey Mickii's.

l'm 50s and still feel like a weirdo , been made to feel like one at times. l very much hear you l'll get snappy or yell if pushed when l can't get it, it's like l just can't take anymore l must be alone for my while. Even though nothings wrong, l don't not enjoy their company, might even miss it while l have my time , but l must have it or l just can't go any further right then.

As borderline said l've always known it's def' just part of who l am. Trouble is that doesn't make me any less the outlier from others or get that why l have to be like this , l only know that l am.

[Guest_1584]

Hiya em and to all , and thanks for the tips.

Couldn't find chai tea gf said later we don't have it , damn we must have 20 teas. and thanks for the cloud em and lm glad it worked for you especially at a time like that. My problem is that because l can make myself dream whatever l want , which l don;t do much anymore l'd rather just bloody sleep but so lf l go to sleep with bad thoughts l'll dream them. And l'v been having trouble shaking terrible stuff this last 3 wks , l'm back to not sleeping right now bc l don't wanna close my eyes, gotta do something. last 4night's l've left the tv on all night the sounds help distract them .

Damn l should've bought something today.

[Guest_1584]

Thanks em,

le;v always known prior yrs l prefer the life, but this last few since divorce and part time relationships much time living alone, l haven't known if l'd go back. But nope l def don't want the past or anything like it in a relationship now, and gf and l are very very different to anything our thing is different everything's different. ironically she is eerily so alike to ex though , but it stops there everything us is a whole nother world.

But thing is , l don't see the logic in that questioning. like she has veggie gardening instincts going back a 1000yrs through her country and great great greats sooooo, when she's out there messing with garden , every day , she's on another planet. l can yell out walk past drive a truck past she won't even hear it she's so involved, she can be out there 4hrs. l feel loved, l still know it , she's just in her garden trancesim , like l am when l'm in my aloneism . lt's not personal, she still loves me before or later , just like l do. There's nothing not loved about checking out for awhile, they check out, most people do at least sometimes most don't even realize it, like 4hours fkg round on their phone ,,,,, sometimes every night. l know with her, she knows with me , l hear all about it 20 times a day sometimes so does she, but l need some me time too. Actually she's pretty good with it and does use her brains about it mostly , butttttt there are times , and l do feel guilty. Twas a bigger problem with ex though.

[Guest_1584]

Thing is , alls so rosey all shiny new and lovey dovey when your only together a few wks or mths a time at the start . But the future worries me , 5 10 or 20yrs real life becomes a lot more realistic hence back married realities become problems. Anyways , from that point of view we've talked a lot should things go that way and hopefully it'll be fine.

[Guest_1584]

Funny , just tonight gf started talking about my space thing, and basically talked word for word things l've talked about with it , in posts right here. Even about how she is when she's out with the veggies, She does this a lot and it blows my mind bc she's 12 hours away and still hotel quarantine but yet she's into my brain even watching me type right here in this thread. No l've never mention l'm here doubt she'd even know the site , it just happens with things sometimes,.

Anyway, we've talked about my space thing a lot at different times but tonight she says it's finally clicked and she used being out in her veggie garden as l typed here just last night as her special special time , one of , that she just needs and has to have. l have to send her fresh pics every day of their progress while she's not here then l get instructions on how not to killem while she's away haha,

rx

[Guest_1643]

hey rx - i just wanna say i have gone through a lot of what ur talking about

nightmares and aniety around sleep

it was like avoiding sleep because the nightmares would come. I'd also think I was responsible like if I watched something intense on tv before bed or was in a stressed headspace - like I'd caused the nightmares. But it's not our fautl I think - i can't control the nightmares. I do hate them though. I hope ur okay.
I love that your gf likes to zone out in the garden. It's interesting what makes people happy. Generally i admire when people can have and be really passionate about their hobbies... is she still away?

[Guest_1584]

Hiya sleepy , ps , l love our trees btw. Hows new the found freedom treating you, feeling human again , getting out and about , gorgeous day today huh.

The garden and plants are a beautiful funny. You see she doesn't purposely zone out or go out to zone out , her inbuilt instincts , roots and heart just go back so so far and so deeply , that it just happens . She doesn't even realize just how deeply, because it's just so natural to her. She kinda thinks she's just out in the garden, but if your around her or just watching her, well.

Sleep yeah , well it's been a wk or two now. But l have managed to have afternoon naps ok and l've been so tired that l've been settling for that atm. Hoping l'll be able to sleep again at night soon.

Yep she'll be away we have no idea how long , probably a few mths min' though. l'm starting to not mind actually but not for alone time as such but more for decision time. Just not sure about things butttt, will see.

Hope you'v been ok . rx