I dont even know where to start. I have been feeling lost and unsure what to do with my life for some time now, about four years - since seperating with my ex. I have not had a proper nights sleep in all of that time, i sleep about five hours of broken sleep every night. I am an emotional train wreck and the slightest thing upsets me. I have two boys that get to spend half the week with me and my life revolves around them. When the boys are here everything seems to be really good and I try my best to provide the best possible household for them. But when the boys are not here i walk around the house like I am lost. This is hard to express. I feel down all the time, i put on a brave face when I am at work but feel that people can see through my charade. It just seems to me that everything is too hard and I struggle to get motivated about anything. Riding my motorcycle used to thrill me but it is becoming less of a thrill now, again I think the guys that I ride with think all is OK but I dont feel that way. I have become something of a recluse when not with my boys, friendships have been lost and I have no interest in even going out and trying to move on with my social life. I dont even know if this forum is the correct thing for me to do at the moment, maybe I should just keep my head up and "toughen up" as my Dad used to say. It all just seems to be marking time, I have tried to go out but feel uncomfortable around lots of people and really dont like extremely loud music. This doesnt seem to make much sense and is really hard for to put to words. I work, and I love my job, but that just doesnt seem to be enough. I just not sure what direction everything is supposed to be going, but it certainly doesnt feel right at the moment. Nothing seems to work out the way I thought it would. Today I was thinking about the last time I felt really happy and I honestly cannot remember when that was. Anyway, not the best of welcome posts but that is all that I seem to be able to share at the moment.
