Unsure whether to cancel DVO

[Guest4467]

Hi,

i have been struggling a lot since the break up of my partner who was my best friend and we did everything together. We lived together, exercised together, worked together. He was my true other half

he told me he wanted to be single after we broke up, I found out already that he has moved on. It really really hurts.

And we live in a small coastal town where running into each other is inevitable and I have seen him, but now I have to to worry about seeing them as a couple. Worst.

anyway, he has been up to something in the last week cancelling my car insurance twice, saying it has been sold..(the car and policy in my name but somehow he could still access the policy)

i went to the police bc I have had enough of his bullying tactics. I went to the police in May and they recommended I take out a dvo against him (death threats, emotional abuse) but I was so afraid of him I said no.

Now I am so petrified of going to court that I just want to cancel the order. My hair is falling out, my skin condition has come back with a vengeance. I’m just wondering, is this even all worth it??? I have said some pretty nasty things to him as well.

do I stick with it and the continued stress or just let it go?

[Quercus]

Hello Airhostess123,

Your situation sounds incredibly distressing to me. Having grown up in small towns I know how uncomfortable a relationship ending can be.

You mentioned your ex had been a huge part of your support network and I wondered do you have other people who you can rely on and reach out to if you feel unsafe?

I imagine finding out he has accessed and cancelled your insurance must have felt like a horrible invasion. Not to mention he put you at risk if you had an accident and that is not remotely ok.

What did the insurance company say given that he accessed it twice? Hopefully they have changed your account details and made sure he is not able to do this again.

I don't have any idea whether dropping the AVO will help or not, it sounds like a situation where professional advice and support would be a good idea. Have you heard of Relationships Australia? They are a good place to seek guidance. That said you're very welcome to keep writing here and we will help support you however we can.

I hope that you are safe. Is there anything that is helping you reduce your stress at the moment?

Nat

[Doolhof]

Hi Airhostess123,

Welcome to the community here.

Maybe you could return to the Police and ask for a chat with someone about your situation. Or maybe Legal Aid could help.

It sounds a bit concerning that your ex has made death threats, has used emotional abuse and has been a bully. To me., all those things would be a reason to have a DVO.

Only you know how you feel about this though and how you want to manage the situation.

If you are scared and concerned about your safety, please talk to someone like the police.

Do you have someone who could move in with you for a while for support if you are concerned for your safety?

Is it possible to see a counsellor to help with your stress?

Even though it may seem pointless at the moment, are there enjoyable things you can do to help balance out the stress you are feeling?

Wishing you all the best, from Dools

[Guest4467]

Hi Nat,

thanks for your reply. I don’t really have a support network where I live- only my mum. Who has been amazing. My ex would continually throw me out of our house so I was always able to go to her place.

My ex and I just kept to ourselves so I don’t have any friends in the town, as I’m not originally from there.

I’ve found out he has taken a retaliation DVO against me, since he found out I took one in him. He has included his new partner in it- that I stay away from her!!! And to stay away from his work place.... we work for the same airline at the same base 🙄

I have a list as long as my arm about things he has said and done. Not only emotional abuse but also physical and he broke into my mums house when I was asleep and wouldn’t answer the phone. I woke to literally find him standing over my bed.

I have spoken to the police- he said this guy sounds like a narcissist. And I said you’re not wrong there.

anyway, I will have to go to court now and battle this out.

xx

[Guest4467]

Thanks for your reply Dools,

my ex has taken out a tit for tat DVO order against me after finding out I took one on him.

i have evidence of his physical assault, he has asked that I stay away from his new partner (🙄) and workplace- we work for the same airline out of the same base.

I think he forgets, he broke into my house, kept throwing me out of the house when we lived together. It was sheer emotional abuse. I have taken some time off work to get away and try and relax. If you read my response to Nat below.. there’s w few more details.

so now, it’s about getting all my ducks in a row so I can stand up in court and have him served the way he should be.