Unfair on my partner

[OneSyllableJ]

My anxiety has been bad of late and it's having an affect on my partner. I sometimes get easily worked up or over-emotional about comments that shouldn't matter, and if I don't know how to quickly process a situation/disagreement then I tend to get anxious. My partner needs me to be strong and I feel like I am the opposite of strong at the moment.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi OneSyllableJ,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here.

I'm sorry that you're going through this and it sounds like the idea of it affecting your partner is taking it's toll on you.

Given that I don't know a lot about your situation I'm not exactly sure what to say but know that you're not alone in this. If you want to it would be great to hear more about how you experience this anxiety, or what you might have tried in the past to help - whether that be self-help stuff, counselling or medication. That way we can get a better direction of how to better support you. Or even how you would like to be supported on the forums here.

For what it's worth, the strongest people that I know are also the people that have had the biggest battles to face. Nobody is strong all the time; and I think that we build strength from resilience. If anything; I think that it's a strength for you to come here today and join us and share what's going on for you; because I know that that's so much easier said than done.

Hope you enjoy being apart of the forums here.

Sidenote - you may also want to have a read of the threads here - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety

[OneSyllableJ]

Hi!


Thanks so much for replying. I came to these forums for support and to feel like I am not the only one who experiences these problems, and so it's made me feel very welcome to be supported so quickly.

My anxiety has stemmed mainly from self-esteem issues. Sometimes I feel as though my opinion is not as worthwhile as others, and I try to avoid conflict because as a result of this. Sometimes I will hold in what I want to say or hold in my opinion even when it's not the right thing to do, simply because I don't have the confidence to say it. I have been trying to change this and slowly I am, my partner is also aware that I do this and she is also helping me. When my anxiety is at its worst, my lack of confidence also makes me sensitive to things that people say. I'm extremely aware that my partner should not be having to hold back from saying things simply because she's scared of me getting upset and anxious about it.

Since I have seen the affect that my anxiety is having on my partner, I have began self-help methods including meditation and controlled breathing. I am also attending my first counselling session next week.

I know that it's just part of the illness, but at the moment I just feel so weak, and I hate that because I want to be strong for my girlfriend.

Thank you!

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi OneSyllableJ and welcome to the forums. I think you're very self aware knowing that you're getting worked up over comments that don't really matter. Maybe when you hear those comments you can think to yourself "What should my reaction be in this situation?" or even just take ten seconds to breathe deeply before replying or reacting to whatever has been said. Sometimes when I want to react angrily to something someone has said I think about the long term effects of any comment I may say - it's easy to lash out in the moment but the long term effects of it usually aren't ideal. Your opinion and thoughts really do matter and I think the people around you would want you to say what you really mean. At the same time, I think it's also important for your partner to feel comfortable around you so she can say whatever she likes - maybe that's something you need to look into. You could always try couples counselling - I've heard that really, really helps. I don't think you are weak at all! We all have these feelings and behaviours we need to work on, and that doesn't make you weak. Sending you love.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi OneSyllableJ,

Thanks for your post.

Sorry for the late reply! I'm glad to see your back again and really happy that you're feeling welcomed here - you are absolutely not the only one who experiences this! If you've had time to check out that link you'll see so many people going through very similar things.

Everyone can feel really different in this situation but it's not uncommon (or wrong) to be feeling weak, burdening, too much, not enough - a huge part of anxiety is the self-talk and negative beliefs that we have around ourselves and what we bring (or don't feel like we bring) to the relationship.

I totally agree with Jessicatherese94 in that it's wonderful knowing that you're self-aware. Having that insight knowing that 'hey, this is anxiety' - 'hey, I'd like to change this' is huge in itself.

It's great to hear that you've been trying meditation and controlled breathing; how are you finding that so far? I think personally a big part of managing anxiety is having that higher awareness; meditation often links in with mindfulness which is the idea of being aware but without having that judgement. You're right - it is part of the illness; which means it's not your fault and you're stronger than what you're feeling.

Oh and I just saw it's probably been about a week since your post; how did your counselling session go? Of course you don't have to answer any of this - I tend to ask questions so call me out on it 🙂 This is your thread so you can use it how you want to.