Trying very hard but finding a solution or a way to make it work very difficult

[out_of_this__world]

I have had a Mrs for 2 yrs now we had a problem since we moved in together, the problem is she suffers from anxiety and maybe some other mental condition as well. Another problem is she has had big breakdowns in the past while living in the house with me one cost her a job, she wants kids and I'm not sure i can commit to kids with her with these conditions happening. She is seeking counseling seems to be get better and then goes back to the old way ( mood swings are constant) which i struggle with. I feel like I want it to work but my mind and body makes me feel different I feel uncomfortable when the constant emotions come to the show, her emotions about herself are always negative and it seems a stretch to have fun with her these days. We are doing couple counseling and I am seeing a counselor myself, the couple counselor is assured her mental issues are the problem. I also have a little anxiety about the situation as it is constant dealing with her emotions and the situation, I'm not to bad just don't feel great some days. I have some issues with being lonely and looking for another girl she feeds off this, another problem is I am very chilled person who hates drama so I feel trapped and taken advantage of a little. I have chosen to take a distance and let her deal with her emotions but it has made it worse and she is crying a lot. I am also looking for a new job and i feel all this is becoming to much even if i am doing better. I have found the connection with the family an issue she is close to them and they like her so most people tell me to persist and see what happens. She is 34yrs and I'm 32 yrs old, she is desperate for kids and she at the that age, but I question is she ready for kids they are demanding especially if you have mental illness. Trying very hard but finding it difficult to make a decision either way. She has stated she will fight to the death for this relationship, difficult time in my life i was a very confident man but the situation is life draining.

[PatT]

Hi there,

Dating somebody with mental illness can be incredibly taxing and can often lead to the manifestation of signs of mental illness in the person dealing with the spouse. I've seen the effect I've had on my partners in past relationships when I was faring badly and although I was filled with regret for causing them pain I just couldn't avoid it at the time. I clung to those relationships because it provided me with a semblance of sanity amongst the chaos of my life but in the end my mental illness was too detrimental to our relationship to have it work out.

There must be a point in your relationship where you decide if the pain and suffering is worth it if she won't help herself get help. It's a sensitive topic and a difficult decision but unless people are willing to completely commit themselves to treatment then you'll just be a waning source of support for however knows how long. If you love her and are willing to commit to an uncertain future then you should stay but measure the costs of such a relationship to your own mental wellbeing.

[geoff]

hi there, I wonder whether having no children is making her feel this way and that's very difficult to answer because either of you don't know.
When a couple live together then the mood from one of you is going to affect the other, and as Pat has said 'where you decide if the pain and suffering is worth it if she won't help herself get help'.
She obviously loves you, but it can be very difficult to love someone when they are very unsettled and by that when she is crying and has mood swings, and thinking about having children may shock you because how is she going to cope with children when she can't get on with life now.
The problem is do you want another girl rather than stay with your partner is what you have to decide, in other words are you prepared to 'weather the storm'. Geoff.