Trying to cope after being bullied and harassed.
Hello. I was sexually harassed and bullied by my employer/ former doctor. Since my experience I've left my career, my self-esteem is low. I can't look at myself in the mirror, I feel worthless and I experience frustration, anger bursts, severe depressive episodes. I get really upset at times that I've been taken advantage of and everyone's lives are moving on and I just spend every day just trying to exist.
I've tried speaking to psychologists, psychiatrists - I've tried medication, CBT, mindfulness but I'm having some trust problems with seeing healthcare providers or trusting anyone so it makes it very hard to open up.
At the moment on a personal front, My relationships have suffered, I can't take care of my family, thinking of looking after my kids seems really overwhelming, I feel so lost.
Welcome here, it is a friendly and gentle place. Being bullied is a horrible thing and does change one's life, at least for a while. Your employer/doctor was most certainly in a position of power, and worse was in a position of personal trust, so his actions will have been pretty terrible. Not trusting other health professionals is sadly a reaction to be expected, and I'd suspect that even though you have seen others they would largely be ineffective as a result.
A catch 22 situation, you do need assistance, but it is out of reach. I've had trust issues in other areas and the only thing that has realy made a difference is not intellectual knowledge but personality. I've found that getting on well with one person over time has made things a lot more possible. I've no idea if this practical in your situation.
You talked about looking after your family, can I ask if you have someone to look after you? I'm not surprised you find things overwhelming, most people would. Being bullied is horribly corrosive on the soul and leads to feeling worthless, guilty, powerless, angry and hopeless. I don't know why that should be, but it is, and that is probably the worst legacy of bullying.
Rather than facing these problems head on can you do things to make yourself feel a little better, things you enjoy, from walking a pet, to reading a book. You would know better than me. Having something to take your mind away from all theses hassles, and having something to look forward to each day has made a big difference to me.
I do hope you come back and post again
hi I'm new to this & just read your post. The people who have bullied you & other things have real sad issues not you & rather you allowing them to effect you with there issues try feel sorry for them & hope for them to get the help they need to become a better person they need to be. It's all easier said than done I know & feeling sorry for someone who has hurt you may seem wrong still it's got to be healthier than letting them infect you with there awful personality.
Trust is huge thing as I believe you really only ever get one shot at it & being so important if it's lost getting it back is incredibly hard. Still if it's not lost give it a chance & just like people shouldn't consider one's integrity as a sign of weakness don't give up on humanity..